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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think Dh really should have discussed this with me first

54 replies

piebaldponies · 10/04/2016 17:08

Dh had been applying in a fairly competitive field for a while, and getting brilliant feedback but lack of specific experience was holding him back. In other words it was a catch 22 of - great application but we gave it to someone with experience.

He applied for a job in a less competitive area of the country which just happened to me 300 miles away from our home and got it.

I had to leave MY job ( was planning to anyway this was what he kept saying) and move with our little boy who was 18 months.

OP posts:

curren · 10/04/2016 17:40

And then you said?

What?

'Ok let's go'

'Do you mean you will commuting or do you want us to move? I don't want to move because of xyz'

'How the fuck are you going to work there when we live here?'

PPie10 · 10/04/2016 17:40

And what did you say?

HermioneJeanGranger · 10/04/2016 17:48

But I don't understand how him saying "I got a job in X" means you had to give up your job and move on his say-so?

I mean, what would he have done if you'd said "err, are you having a laugh? I'm going nowhere!"

PPie10 · 10/04/2016 17:49

Sounds like she was happy to go along with it then, now decided she doesn't like the place/ some other reason and finding an issue with it now.

EweAreHere · 10/04/2016 17:51

Did he actually accept the job before telling you about it? Because that would not be on.

You could have refused to move. If you didn't, not much you can do about it now explain lay out very clearly to him what any future job applications, living situations require in terms of discussion.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 10/04/2016 17:51

Have you gone yet?

What did you say when he said that?

lorelei9here · 10/04/2016 18:07

Stop drip feeding, just tell us what the situation is.

Orda1 · 10/04/2016 18:15

Only a madman would do this

Topseyt · 10/04/2016 18:39

So, has he already started the job? Have you already given up yours and moved?

How did you react to him getting the job?

Honestly, you are being very frustrating and unclear if you can't answer those simple questions.

MrsJayy · 10/04/2016 18:44

But you moved practically said yes dear and moved you are now starting to feel resentful of him

Spandexpants007 · 10/04/2016 18:46

He should have discussed or with you. After all the whole family would have to move and he's not a single man!

So what are you going to do?

Abed · 10/04/2016 18:48

Holy dripfeed Batman.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/04/2016 18:50

FFS this thread is annoying.

If DH applied for any job I wouldn't care. If he thought I would move just because he told me to, I would tell him to fuck off.

WHICH IS IT?

SurroMummy13 · 10/04/2016 18:51

I'd tell him to leave without us.

Skittlesss · 10/04/2016 19:24

Didn't you notice when he travelled 600 miles for an interview one day?

Spandexpants007 · 10/04/2016 19:33

Yes annoying thread!

Original poster

piebaldponies · 10/04/2016 20:04

I didn't notice as he does work long hours and thought it was just a normal day at work, a late one. Just got sprung on me. Anyway it is done now I guess I just idly wondered about it as you do.

OP posts:

Skittlesss · 10/04/2016 20:07

Holy crap! It seems a bit deceitful to me if he didn't even say anything to you :( think I would have had it out with him before moving, but can understand why you seem a bit shocked/like you've just been swept along.

cece · 10/04/2016 20:16

I don't understand though? Surely you would then just no I am not moving and not move? DH sometimes tells me about jobs hundreds of miles away. I have told him fine but I am not moving so he's have to commute on a weekly basis.

Waltermittythesequel · 10/04/2016 20:19

So you didn't say anything, just moved?

TheCrumpettyTree · 10/04/2016 20:21

You just 'wondered' about it? Is that it?

This thread makes no sense.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 10/04/2016 20:27

So he sprung it on you - like a bellend - and you went along with it, and NOW you're angry about it?

This makes no sense.

Why didn't you tell him to swivel at the time?

Almostfifty · 10/04/2016 20:33

DH got a job 200 miles away from where we were living. There was no job where he was, so we needed to move.

So we did. There was no discussion, it was a case of there's the job, we need the money, so let's go.

OreoHeaven · 10/04/2016 20:46

He didn't have to accept it. He should have discussed it before applying though.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/04/2016 21:18

I would expect DH to talk to me before applying for any job. I would expect us to have a joint plan for what would happen if he got anything that meant any significant change to our arrangements as a couple/family (whether hours/income/security/location). I think it's immoral to apply for jobs you could not accept (and to arrange viewings on private houses that you could not buy). It's wasting other people's time and potentially depriving someone who could have had a chance at it.

I did talk to DH when I was considering (applying to) moving abroad for a 6 month contract, even though at that stage we were only bf/gf and not living together. I talked to DH before applying a new job that would be very different to my old one, but based in the same town. I value his opinion.

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