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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not meet these friends anymore?

70 replies

Onthedowns · 10/04/2016 15:00

I have 3 friends have known since school, all same age one has two older children. We have always met up drinks meals etc past couple of years I seem to been excluded and we have drifted. Kept in touch birthday cards and text messages phone calls always me initiating but no response With regards to meeting up. I decided that I wasn't going to stress anymore and not waste my energy getting stressed about it. Still odd text asking how they are etc. They still see each other but not that often. I recently had a baby 5 weeks premature in scbu for 3 weeks. Came home 2 weeks ago. Not one of these 3 friends sent me a congratulations message or how you doing etc. No card - not obligated I know. Very disappointed but had other things going on obviously. My dd birthday falls day before one of the friends bday, due to everything going on my DDs bday was very low key and I also forgot to send the friend a card( first time in 20 years) morning of her bday I get a message saying disappointed she hasn't had a happy birthday message and she has something for DS can we meet. I said sorry forgot your card happy birthday yes can do after this week, she replied saying anytime after 11 April. Not heard since. I am pissed off she chased for a happy birthday and it's the first message I have had from her for well over 6 months. I really don't want to meet her as I feel to much water under bridge and would like to send a message to this effect . however husband said to make the effort. It's likely I will bump into them at a wedding in the summer too. But I feel hurt re DS and also fed up its me who contacts! What would you do??

OP posts:
Waypasttethersend · 10/04/2016 16:57

Oh I think I'd have to have texted

Are
You
Fucking
Serious?

Then never spoken again

Original poster
Onthedowns · 10/04/2016 17:03

Blaming that baby and being a emotional time! You had a lot on. Ie don't why your upset about not receiving a message! She also said they have all had nori virus etc

OP posts:
WhoaCadburys · 10/04/2016 17:03

I wouldn't fall out and I wouldn't not fall out. I would simply we polite but not gushing if you see them so as to avoid awkwardness, but right them off in your head.

Feed your relationships with nice people instead.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/04/2016 17:07

No don't, they seem like they were distancing themselves, did not bother when yiu had a premature baby, then has the audacity to scold you for forgetting her birthday, tells you a lot really. You certainly do find out who your friends are in a crisis. I woukd send that text.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/04/2016 17:09

Just read your updates. These are not friends, let them go. Sorry you wasted all that time on them.

AntiHop · 10/04/2016 17:16

They are not friends.

Having a baby is a great opportunity to make new friends. Forget them and move on. Flowers

Itinerary · 10/04/2016 17:19

I agree with Aeroflotgirl. They are not friends, especially as the one you've been texting hasn't even been willing to see things from your point of view at all.

EweAreHere · 10/04/2016 17:21

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby.

Pradababe · 10/04/2016 17:25

Congratulations on the birth of your baby
Some friends are for Christmas ... Some for life

Good time to filter out this types of friend. If it has any merit then let it come to you

Plenty of lovely other people to fill their place xxx

EweAreHere · 10/04/2016 17:35

I'd send her back a 'shocked' text: 'Oh wow! Your family had Norovirus for a month and a half?! That must have been terrible for you!'

Then block her. She's not your friend.

Viviennemary · 10/04/2016 17:46

Do what's best for you. If you want to continue the friendship then do. If not just be polite when you meet. I don't think there's any point in confronting this type of person. They'll never see things from any point of view but their own.

StealthPolarBear · 10/04/2016 17:52

Oh it's the premature newborn's fault. Of course. Known for their conniving and manipulative ways, those infants.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 10/04/2016 19:27

Thanks! I have received cold shoulder and basically blaming me for lack of contact. They assumed I would be caught up with newborn so didn't message plus they liked my Facebook status announcing birth!!!!

OP posts:
Jojoriley · 10/04/2016 19:45

I say do nothing. Just let them go. Take no action whatsoever and you'll see how important/unimportant you are.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 10/04/2016 20:53

Just gently drift. They are extraordinarily selfish and you don't need that in your life. I used to have a friend who - six years later - would still bring up how I missed her birthday party.

I didn't miss it, I was bedridden with glandular fever. But in her mind, I had let her down so I was in the doghouse. It was a turning point for me because I realised how selfish she was and how I was expected to drop everything for her, no matter what.

Sod that. Enjoy your baby, enjoy your real friends.

BMW6 · 10/04/2016 21:05

As the song says, Let It Be.

No loss to you as they were shit "friends" anyway. Delete their contacts from phone, Facebook etc and move on.

Congrats with new baby! [fkowers]

Jelliebabe1 · 10/04/2016 21:05

Wow! I would have said your birthday card had obviously git caught up with my congratulations on the birth of your precious new baby card! What a pillock. I would just let it drift. Fuck em!

Original poster
Onthedowns · 10/04/2016 21:11

It's funny you should say that about a birthday party as one of them has just used- now you know how I felt when you missed my first child's bday party- 2 years ago!!!🤔 He was 1!!!!

OP posts:
BirthdayBetty · 10/04/2016 21:25

They sound horrid, I wouldn't bother with them anymore.

Pettywoman · 10/04/2016 21:32

Friends are supposed to enrich your life, be fun or funny, supportive, interesting. It doesn't sound like they are any of these. Why bother? It would be a 'fuckety bye' from me.

mynamesnotMa · 10/04/2016 21:35

I would simply forget about her and focus on my life.

WonderingAspie · 10/04/2016 21:53

They are ex friends. Stop bothering. I've had this when I stuck up for myself and gently called out shitty behaviour. It all got turned back to me. I couldn't be bothered. Funnily enough one of them occasionally texts asking how I am. I always respond and ask her stuff, she replies once, I reply again keeping a conversation going and then she just doesn't bother! People who are hard work are not worth the time and effort.

Baileysagain · 10/04/2016 22:02

The way you worded that sounds as if a few of them are messaging you. Personally I don't think you should get involved in any further text exchange with them just be 'nice' but distant, and stay that way.

AuldYow · 10/04/2016 22:08

I'd bin them if I were you. You're getting nothing from this 'friendship' onwards and upwards and smile and wave Wink

You deserve better and put the energy you'd use on them into your new family Thanks

honeyroar · 10/04/2016 22:18

They sound toxic. You don't need friends like that. Send her a card. Pick one that says "sorry you're leaving" and write "my life" inside! (Not really).

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