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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to give away/lend any baby clothes or toys

61 replies

InlandTiger · 10/04/2016 08:38

Relatives and friends keep hinting and one asked outright, saying she will give everything back when we need them again. I said no.

I just don't like the thought of them being used by another baby! It seems unhygenic. I don't want someone else's baby getting sick/poo/wee/dribble on them, plus general wear and tear.

We plan to TTC again in 2-3years. Baby is 8months. For now I'd rather pack and store everything (including all outgrown clothes, toys, jumparoo, pram, Bumbo, crib, steriliser, bath etc).

Relatives think this is mean but I bought everything new and would like to keep them in good condition. If I lent things out I'd be inclined to get rid of them when returned and get everything new again.

Am I alone in feeling like this?

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 10/04/2016 09:23

I don't think you are being selfish at all Op.

I read so many threads on here where stinky faded ruined clothes and broken equipment has come back to owner....

Or the classic where they then actually pass it on to someone else or....sell it

FuckSanta · 10/04/2016 09:24

Jumparoos, cots etc - how can they possibly deteriorate from one/two additional users?

Ours came back fucking filthy with mouldy and torn fabric and cracked toys.

Empressa · 10/04/2016 09:24

You'll miss out on so many experiences by being so uptight.

You lend to friends, they lend to you. What happened to reciprocity?

inlovewithhubby · 10/04/2016 09:26

Our jumparoo went through about ten families. What on earth are your kids doing in it - eating lunch???

Empressa · 10/04/2016 09:27

I got ours off eBay and sold it again on eBay so it cost me nothing.

You have to seriously abuse a jumperoo to wreck it. They're a massive waste of money if you buy them new. DS was only interested for a couple of months.

SaucyJack · 10/04/2016 09:28

YANBU. It's your stuff, and you a) Haven't finished with it and b) Don't want to lend it out in the interim until DC2.

End of.

YouSay · 10/04/2016 09:29

YANBU op. It is yours to do as you wish.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 10/04/2016 09:32

Those posters calling OP uptight, why?

She doesn't want to lend her baby stuff to others, that's fine if that's what she wants, it doesn't make her uptight to be protective of her belongings.

The expectation that she should share her stuff would make me more determined not to.

FuckSanta · 10/04/2016 09:32

What on earth are your kids doing in it - eating lunch???

Mine didn't but it's fairly obvious others did. They were also allowed to be used by cats to sleep on, a dog thought the toys were for him (apparently), an older sibling was allowed to get into it and got stuck........

Lesson learned and nothing gets leant out to them anymore.

MrsUnderwood · 10/04/2016 09:33

It's your stuff so you can do what you like with it!

Empressa · 10/04/2016 09:36

I in ink worrying about the hygiene aspect etc is a bit uptight. What's wrong with using an antibac wipe?

TimeOfGlass · 10/04/2016 09:40

Antibacterial wipes don't fix everything.

They won't fix clothes or other fabric items if they've been allowed to get mouldy.

Bejeena · 10/04/2016 09:42

I have lent baby clothes and now that they have been returned regret it. I lent everything sorted into sizes, outfits l, types of clothes etc and have been given stuff back in dribs and drabs, just half of an outfit or different sizes all just muddled in together so have had to resort everything.

So that's why I won't do it again.

SerenityReynolds · 10/04/2016 09:44

YANBU. Don't lend anything that you are not happy to lose, especially expensive stuff. We did lend my best friend our moses basket stand because I trust her absolutely and I was crystal clear about wanting it back. OTOH, we declined to lend a family member our maxi cosi car seat as one good poo explosion would have ruined it, and they are bloody expensive!

There are so many threads on here about things being passed on again without the original owners permission, or misunderstandings about whether they should be returned. It's just not worth the aggravation later.

coconutpie · 10/04/2016 09:45

Ugh FFS, if the OP doesn't want to lend out things that she paid for, then that is her decision and she most certainly doesn't need to compromise.

Mouthfulofquiz · 10/04/2016 09:46

I wouldn't lend out baby stuff. I think you should buy what you want and just keep it until you have finished having kids and then give it away to whoever you want to. Why should the OP have bought everything and then it get lent out and let's face it, it won't be returned in the condition that she would have kept it in. It would annoy me too OP. Just stand by your decision and people will get the message.

TitaniumSpider · 10/04/2016 09:56

No, it's your stuff and it's your choice.

justkeepongoing · 10/04/2016 10:05

I kept hold of my DS Gap bear outfit....he's now 17 but I still occasiônally get it out and reminisce. Will hopefully be used by DGC!

Thatrabbittrickedme · 10/04/2016 10:10

YANBU - given you are planning another child, you should absolutely keep hold of it until you are definitely finished with it. One possible exception would be something like a bumbo (indestructible and in my experience, get used very little anyway!). If you'd finished having babies, I would feel differently.

I'm that some pp are saying you are being uptight/mean not to want to lend stuff that you are planning to use again.

goddessoftheharvest · 10/04/2016 10:10

Yanbu. You're planning to have dc2 in another few years, it makes perfect sense to store away your good quality things in the meantime. It might be a bit different if you were done having DC, but you aren't!

redexpat · 10/04/2016 10:11

It's really not rude to ask, but it's rude to expect a yes and then question your response.

FuckSanta · 10/04/2016 10:14

If you'd finished having babies, I would feel differently

In our case it could have (and could) go either way. We lent stuff to be kind and got it back ruined. I suspect we'd have been considered mean to refuse to lend it given we had no plans for more children.

chibsortig · 10/04/2016 10:16

They are your belongings you have the right to refuse to pass them on especially if you are planning more children.
Its all well and good others saying pass them on to other use before sending them back to you but others dont always look after things and mostly baulk at replacing things they break.
You could pass on a few things that you didnt like/use but keep the things you used and like as a compromise.
Baby things can be expensive to replace for each baby.

hazellnut56 · 10/04/2016 10:21

I'm not sure if I'd want to borrow second hand stuff, kind as it is for people to offer but if anything happened and couldn't be returned in the same condition as before I'd feel mortified and would feel obliged to pay for it...in which case I'd be better off buying my own bits !
Totally accept how it works for some but no yanbu it's YOUR stuff !!!

inlovewithhubby · 10/04/2016 10:24

Feel sorry that you all seem to have such disrespectful friends/relatives. We've never had an issue and we've lent and received back pretty much everything. I really don't understand keeping a 'special' baby gro - does anyone really haul these out years later and expect their kids to want them for the grandchildren after 30 years in a dusty damp attic? It smacks to me of oversentimentality and not wanting to let go of a particular stage (though I accept that DH and I are particularly unsentimental and grateful when we can bag up another stage worth of stuff and get rid). We have enough crap hanging about - if you save stuff from every stage where on earth in your house do you live?!

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