To not want to give away/lend any baby clothes or toys

[InlandTiger]

Relatives and friends keep hinting and one asked outright, saying she will give everything back when we need them again. I said no.

I just don't like the thought of them being used by another baby! It seems unhygenic. I don't want someone else's baby getting sick/poo/wee/dribble on them, plus general wear and tear.

We plan to TTC again in 2-3years. Baby is 8months. For now I'd rather pack and store everything (including all outgrown clothes, toys, jumparoo, pram, Bumbo, crib, steriliser, bath etc).

Relatives think this is mean but I bought everything new and would like to keep them in good condition. If I lent things out I'd be inclined to get rid of them when returned and get everything new again.

Am I alone in feeling like this?

[Muskateersmummy]

Actually about the borrowing other things, I think it's the other way around. I have loaned shoes, clothes, necklaces, tools, kitchen equipment to my friend. A friend going to a function, can't find the right bag to go with her outfit, I have the perfect one "here friend x, I'm not out that weekend, borrow mine" .... is that really that strange?!!

To an extent it's knowing who you are loaning too. I would loan anything to my close friends and family because I trust them to look after it and return it in the condition it was loaned. I wouldn't loan to a casual acquaintance

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

I think storing between babies is fine. I think it's nice to pass on when you're done though. I had a girl then boy it was good to swap clothes with a friend who had boy then girl at the same time.

[CalleighDoodle]

I have two children. I stored everything after baby1 to be used in the future with baby2. After baby2, knowing i wouldnt have another, i onky kept what was special and passed on everything else.

You compromise, not that you need one at all as it is your stuff, could be youll pass it on when youre done having children. Cheeky fuckers.

My sister is like that. She is really tight. For example spends £1 on my children at christmas and birthdays. She spent £5 for my dds birthday this year but it turned out she gave my mum £2 to get her some Sweets and instead my Mum on top of what she had already bought her, got some treats from clares accessories. For christmas she often gets me a packet of jelly beans. But she has not bought a thing for her own baby number one she is currently pregnant with and instead is relying on and asking people for handouts. She asked my parents to get my childrens pram off me. Ive givin it begrudgingly knowing how much else she has had from me for nothing, incuding a jumperoo, trike, and carseats. Then last week she said she was getting married next year and i asked how she could afford it and she said oh she has a few thousand in the bank. But not spent a penny on her due very soon child. Or anyone else ever.

Dont let your relatives make you feel guilty. If they cant afford basic things like babygros and a pram they shouldnt have got pregnant.

[Inertia]

You are absolutely not being unreasonable, nor uptight! You are still planning to use all your baby things for future children, there is no need to justify keeping your own baby things that you've bought yourself!

If you'd been given something like a crib or christening robe which was a family heirloom then it would be reasonable for family members to ask about passing those on.

We would probably be called uptight or selfish by some posters on this thread, as we kept all the baby things until our family was complete, apart from some baby clothes which we lent out and got back. However, we gave away a lot of stuff to friends and family -the cot, car seats, playpen, as well as smaller stuff like sleeping bags. We still pass on clothes. Wanting to finish using something before you give it away isn't selfish.

[inlovewithhubby]

Difference between baby/kids stuff and 'normal' stuff is that it's transient - you may keep a dress/crockery/car for the entirety of its useable lifetime whereas kids' stuff lasts weeks or months rather than years and has lots of wear left when you're done with it/in between uses.

I think this desire to hang on to baby things does tie in with the over-researching of stuff like 'travel systems' (wtf with that description)/cots/toys that we seem to do these days. Things are bought as status symbols rather than utilitarian items, so you treat it as you would your car/precious things. I've always gone for quality stuff as I knew I'd have more than one and wanted things to last, but I couldn't give a shit if it's got a little more wear and tear by the time it gets to my second. It's the ultimate in Eco.

[Berthatydfil]

Just smile and say "sorry folks we are planning on having another one very soon so want to keep it all so you will just have to do as I did and BUY what you need "

You have no obligation to lend these people your things and they shouldn't expect it.
Just read round on the boards for every poster that got all their stuff back in perfect condition there are many more that get it back ruined or damaged or don't even get it back at all as the borrowers have sold lent them on.

[ollieplimsoles]

I'm not sure why baby stuff has a different set of rules to regular things. If some relative popped round and called you 'uptight and selfish' for not lending her your clothes, your crockery, your nice wine glasses, your hairdryer, your car and maybe a cat or two, they'd be called a cheeky mare. Buy your own damn stuff. Good manners is you wait to be offered.

I came on the thread to say exactly this ^

Imagine if you had all your nice new clothes in your wardrobe, then a relative who wasn't your clothes size previously but lost/ gained weight so she was just outright said to you 'can I have/ borrow them'? Your just wouldn't

I think its the same with this stuff. If someone offers great but if not then be prepared to buy it on your own!

[Delacroix]

I'm not sure why baby stuff has a different set of rules to regular things. If some relative popped round and called you 'uptight and selfish' for not lending her your clothes, your crockery, your nice wine glasses, your hairdryer, your car and maybe a cat or two, they'd be called a cheeky mare. Buy your own damn stuff. Good manners is you wait to be offered.

[ghostspirit]

op do not lend out if you dont want to. your stuff. suggest the go on ebay or simlar. i paid 30 pounds for jumproo. i put ad add of fb for baby clothes and i ended up with loads of free clothes that lasted almost the full year.. and i have spend 20.00 on ebay on a large bundle that will last another 6 months. my cot cost 10.00

[trilbydoll]

No, I kept everything from dd1. As dd2 outgrows it I sell/give it away, but I couldn't be doing with lending something then that person still needing it when I wanted it back etc.

We've done really well from hand-me-downs, I want to pay it forward, but it's much less stressful all round to just give it away when you're done with it.

[baffledmummy]

YADNBU! I am completely with you OP. I spent ages researching everything and bought everything new for my DD, now also 8 mo. Before I could even get some of the items out of the boxes I had relatives saying 'oh that will be nice for when you are done with it'.

I just smiled and didn't respond. I've not saved hard and bought all nice new things for my DD (and hopefully her potential future sibling(s) for them to come back ruined.

I have also not borrowed one single item and gratefully declined offers.

Do what you want but don't expect any favours from them in future cause you'll be 'the woman who kept all her baby stuff to herself'!!
Quite frankly - I couldn't give a shit!

Once I am sure I am done with everything, I'll happily give stuff away and I'll keep what I want.

[inlovewithhubby]

Feel sorry that you all seem to have such disrespectful friends/relatives. We've never had an issue and we've lent and received back pretty much everything. I really don't understand keeping a 'special' baby gro - does anyone really haul these out years later and expect their kids to want them for the grandchildren after 30 years in a dusty damp attic? It smacks to me of oversentimentality and not wanting to let go of a particular stage (though I accept that DH and I are particularly unsentimental and grateful when we can bag up another stage worth of stuff and get rid). We have enough crap hanging about - if you save stuff from every stage where on earth in your house do you live?!

[hazellnut56]

I'm not sure if I'd want to borrow second hand stuff, kind as it is for people to offer but if anything happened and couldn't be returned in the same condition as before I'd feel mortified and would feel obliged to pay for it...in which case I'd be better off buying my own bits !
Totally accept how it works for some but no yanbu it's YOUR stuff !!!

[chibsortig]

They are your belongings you have the right to refuse to pass them on especially if you are planning more children.
Its all well and good others saying pass them on to other use before sending them back to you but others dont always look after things and mostly baulk at replacing things they break.
You could pass on a few things that you didnt like/use but keep the things you used and like as a compromise.
Baby things can be expensive to replace for each baby.

[FuckSanta]

If you'd finished having babies, I would feel differently

In our case it could have (and could) go either way. We lent stuff to be kind and got it back ruined. I suspect we'd have been considered mean to refuse to lend it given we had no plans for more children.

[redexpat]

It's really not rude to ask, but it's rude to expect a yes and then question your response.

[goddessoftheharvest]

Yanbu. You're planning to have dc2 in another few years, it makes perfect sense to store away your good quality things in the meantime. It might be a bit different if you were done having DC, but you aren't!

[Thatrabbittrickedme]

YANBU - given you are planning another child, you should absolutely keep hold of it until you are definitely finished with it. One possible exception would be something like a bumbo (indestructible and in my experience, get used very little anyway!). If you'd finished having babies, I would feel differently.

I'm that some pp are saying you are being uptight/mean not to want to lend stuff that you are planning to use again.

[justkeepongoing]

I kept hold of my DS Gap bear outfit....he's now 17 but I still occasiônally get it out and reminisce. Will hopefully be used by DGC!

[TitaniumSpider]

No, it's your stuff and it's your choice.

[Mouthfulofquiz]

I wouldn't lend out baby stuff. I think you should buy what you want and just keep it until you have finished having kids and then give it away to whoever you want to. Why should the OP have bought everything and then it get lent out and let's face it, it won't be returned in the condition that she would have kept it in. It would annoy me too OP. Just stand by your decision and people will get the message.

[coconutpie]

Ugh FFS, if the OP doesn't want to lend out things that she paid for, then that is her decision and she most certainly doesn't need to compromise.

[SerenityReynolds]

YANBU. Don't lend anything that you are not happy to lose, especially expensive stuff. We did lend my best friend our moses basket stand because I trust her absolutely and I was crystal clear about wanting it back. OTOH, we declined to lend a family member our maxi cosi car seat as one good poo explosion would have ruined it, and they are bloody expensive!

There are so many threads on here about things being passed on again without the original owners permission, or misunderstandings about whether they should be returned. It's just not worth the aggravation later.

[Bejeena]

I have lent baby clothes and now that they have been returned regret it. I lent everything sorted into sizes, outfits l, types of clothes etc and have been given stuff back in dribs and drabs, just half of an outfit or different sizes all just muddled in together so have had to resort everything.

So that's why I won't do it again.

[TimeOfGlass]

Antibacterial wipes don't fix everything.

They won't fix clothes or other fabric items if they've been allowed to get mouldy.