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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give them the rest of the money

76 replies

careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 08:03

BIL and SIL live with us.

Yesterday they went to Sainsburys and I asked, very specifically for them to get me "20 own brand 2in1 dishwasher tablets but not value". These are £3 at the moment. I have £15 left for housekeeping until payday.

They bought 54 Finish tablets which cost £8.

WIBU to tell them I am not paying the £5 extra as they did not ask what they were very clearly told to buy ?

OP posts:
RudeElf · 09/04/2016 11:06

I didn't want a box of 54. I wanted a box of 20.

Were you only intending to use the dishwasher 20 times?

You sound like you're just looking for things to gripe about.

antimatter · 09/04/2016 11:06

I think everyone has different definition of budgetting.

You should give them £3 now and rest later as you son't have money now.

They should accept this explanation.

I am with them on the saving based on the total end price but with you on how your money should be spent.

HolgerDanske · 09/04/2016 11:08

To be honest I'd be well past the stage of looking for things to gripe about, at this stage in this situation, so I don't blame the OP if this becomes the proverbial straw.

It's clearly not just about the tablets.

sleeponeday · 09/04/2016 11:09

I'd be having a conversation with my husband about what mattered more to him - his marriage, or subsidising his brother.

These people are not your relatives. You didn't grow up with them and you don't love them. Why are you expected to house, feed, clothe and car them via subsidising their living arrangements - much less wait on them hand and foot?

As is so often said in relation to MIL: you don't have an IL problem, you have a husband problem. Is he always this dismissive of your feelings and opinions? It's family money he is giving away, not to mention your time and privacy.

RudeElf · 09/04/2016 11:10

Give them £3 and they can just keep the other 34 tablets themselves. That way you're no worse off and you have the exact amount of tablets you ordered Hmm

antimatter · 09/04/2016 11:11

However if you want them not to question your choice of budgetting so you should not theirs re: buying expensive car.

Original poster
careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 11:15

antimatter, I am well within my rights to be annoyed about their car.

We offered them cheap accomodation to help them get a foot on the housing ladder. We could have used that accomodation a lot more lucratively.

Instead of saving as agreed they have bought a new car.

As I am subsidising their lifestyle I do think it is my business.

OP posts:
VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 09/04/2016 11:15

This s isn't about dishwasher tablets
Its about living with two immature, messy, lazy twats and being committed for 3 whole years and your husband being a twat about it

ElderlyKoreanLady · 09/04/2016 11:30

Your thread is a bit misleading. It makes it look as though you buy in smaller, more expensive, quantities because you can't afford to buy the larger, cheaper-per-tablet, better quality packs. They may well have thought they were helping by doing that. Not their place to make a decision about your money, but this one hardly broke the bank and makes better long term sense so is just a bit misguided.

I'd be irritated by them too by the sound of it but surely you agreed to this house share and knew them well beforehand?

MrsMainwaring · 09/04/2016 11:32

OP I'm with you on this one
You don't spend someone else's money without checking

IJustLostTheGame · 09/04/2016 11:40

Start pissing them off until they move out.
If they leave crap lying around throw it out.
Ask repeatedly and loudly about their moving on plans as you are needing to plan for more students so you can FINALLY have a decent income.

sepa · 09/04/2016 11:44

I would be pissed off. I don't even let OH go shopping for this reason. I have a budget that is could Go over but it's budgeted and I don't like going over!
I wouldn't pay them back. Especially if they bought as £23k car

lorelei9here · 09/04/2016 11:46

Give them £3
What a waste of money.

TheOptimisticPessimist · 09/04/2016 11:48

YANBU at all. It doesn't make a difference whether you have the money to dip into if you choose. It's your money to spend, not theirs. If I'd been sent out and asked 'to get dishwasher tablets' then sure I'd get the best deal. But if I was given very explicit instructions I wouldn't deviate without clearing it first. How difficult is to send a quick message or make a call saying 'big packs of finish are on offer, 54 for £8, would you prefer those instead?'

They're absolutely taking the piss with this living arrangement too. What the hell is your DH thinking?! You two need to have a serious discussion about this, you must have the patience of a saint to have put up with this for 2 years already.

trufflehunterthebadger · 09/04/2016 11:55

We do normally buy massive packs.

However, i have a finite housekeeping budget which i have already exceeded this month. I wanted to buy a small pack to tide me over until payday when i will withdraw next months housekeeping and buy a big pack. I like lidl ones but as they were already in a supermarkey i just wanted them to grab the cheapest possible pack to tide me over until next month

coconutpie · 09/04/2016 12:05

YANBU on the dishwasher tablets.

However, the dishwasher tablets are the LEAST of your worries. You make a profit of £50 a week and in return get two ungrateful adults living with you for YEARS? And you have one more year to put up with this shit? I could not deal with that crap for one month, nevermind one year. They need to start contributing more both financially and doing housework and tidy up after themselves. They should be damn grateful you are putting them up so cheaply! And why is it full board? Make them sort out their own food. I would be kicking them out though. They should like self-centred immature twats and are taking you and your DH for mugs.

It's your house too - just because your DH says nothing, doesn't mean you need to put up with this from them. It's highly disrespectful.

coconutpie · 09/04/2016 12:06

And no way would I pay them the money for the dishwasher tablets! No way.

BeckyMcDonald · 09/04/2016 12:07

I think the dishwasher tablets are the least of your worries tbh. If you've asked him to speak to them about all these issues and and he hasn't, then your DH is a dick. He's putting their needs above yours. I'd have gone a long time ago.

ijustwannadance · 09/04/2016 12:10

Would I fuck give them the money. THEY can clearly afford to write off a fiver. I think you and DH need to renegotiate the amount of money they give you per month. Buying the car is a massive piss take. That is a big chunk of cash they were supposed to be saving for a house deposit.
Sorry but they must laugh at you and your DH behind your backs for being so daft. They sound like a pair of lazy teenagers who clearly need to start pulling their weight around the house or fuck off and rent elsewhere.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/04/2016 13:01

instead of sensibly saving their excess money they are assuming they will be able to use the compensation for the deposit

I'm afraid it's the message that sends which would bug me most: "we don't need to save as someone else will provide what we need" - a thought process which even extends to lifting a finger in the house

You're absolutely right that this is your business since you're subsidizing them; the only answer for me would be to increase their "rent" considerably

inlawsareasses · 09/04/2016 14:48

You seem to be quite money centred which to me comes out as being a bit mean.
So you don't need the money from the rent you say far from it but are moaning that you only make 200 pounds a month! Do you declare this profit?

Also if it's a firm 3 year plan then why is it bothering you that they haven't saved?

In future get your own dishwasher tablets

42andcounting · 09/04/2016 16:32

I know its completely beside the point, but you can get 108 finish powerball for £8 at the catalogue shop (and I think poundland). Bargain.

I'd give them the £3, tell them they'll get the rest when your next budget period rolls round, and if they protest that you have the money anyway tell them "its called budgeting, you should try it sometime" Grin. Ok I wouldn't really say it, but would think it quite fiercely Blush

Fishface77 · 09/04/2016 19:28

Op have you posted about them before?
Sounds familiar.
No changes then! I'd be telling them to pack and telling your DH to jog on too!

sleeponeday · 09/04/2016 19:44

So you don't need the money from the rent you say far from it but are moaning that you only make 200 pounds a month! Do you declare this profit?

You don't need to declare profits on lodgers below £7500 a year.

You seem to think it completely reasonable for grown adults to sponge off their sister in law, and treat her like a maid. Confused Are you the SIL?

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 09/04/2016 19:52

Your DH doesn't mind them being messy and doing no housework. That's absolutely fine. If he does the housework for them.

Otherwise he is choosing to piss you off instead of pissing them off.

I'd make damn sure it caused him more pain to piss me off than them. Obviously he won't like that. It's less of an easy life for him. Diddums.

You absolutely must override him on the landing mess and the not doing housework. Give them a bloody rota.