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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give them the rest of the money

76 replies

careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 08:03

BIL and SIL live with us.

Yesterday they went to Sainsburys and I asked, very specifically for them to get me "20 own brand 2in1 dishwasher tablets but not value". These are £3 at the moment. I have £15 left for housekeeping until payday.

They bought 54 Finish tablets which cost £8.

WIBU to tell them I am not paying the £5 extra as they did not ask what they were very clearly told to buy ?

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 09/04/2016 10:02

Yes and I bet their presence doesn't really affect your DH in any way, I bet it's you who does the overwhelming share of any work generated by their bunking at your house for years at a time!

grapejuicerocks · 09/04/2016 10:05

The second they bought that expensive car would be the second that the deal was broken.

Your problem isn't a £3/£15 pack of dishwasher tablets - it's an unreasonable husband.

HolgerDanske · 09/04/2016 10:08

^ Agreed. Taking the piss to an extraordinary degree.

RandomMess · 09/04/2016 10:10

Shock that your DH is happy for them to splurge on a flash car when you are struggling to make ends meet!

ClopySow · 09/04/2016 10:12

Fucking hell.

I'm a bit speechless.

Leave the bastards. All of them.

Original poster
careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 10:19

To be fair, I was happy with the arrangement on the terms that it was agreed. We have a large house, it brought us in a bit of extra cash and we did agree it would be 3 years.

However the car thing really annoyed both of us. BIL was injured in a bike accident a couple of years ago and he is assuming he is going to get loads of compensation so instead of sensibly saving their excess money they are assuming they will be able to use the compensation for the deposit.

OP posts:
Original poster
careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 10:23

Oh and we aren't struggling to make ends meet, far from it. However I set myself an amount of housekeeping as I like to keep it as low as possible - which I have already exceeded this month as we had students and have already had to withdraw more and I wanted to get to the end of the month without having to get more money. IYSWIM.

They know that i am tight with the housekeeping money and I my reaction when I said "how much were the dishwasher tablets " "£8 I think" "how much ? Are you joking ?" probably gave away that I was less than impressed

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 09/04/2016 10:27

But they are deep trading that they do not need your generosity, and so it is ill-placed.

I reckon that if they demand to stay with you or freak out when you discuss their moving out, you need to come up with a different arrangement. For example they pay £1100pm rent (example - obviously this would depend on feasibility), the original rent agreed plus £100 extra per month is for you, and the rest is put into an ISA, by you on their behalf, so that they are actually saving every month toward a deposit. Otherwise what is the actual point of your generosity?

HolgerDanske · 09/04/2016 10:27

Hmm deep trading? Idiotic autocorrect... Demonstrating*

AyeAmarok · 09/04/2016 10:29

Oh my God! They are MASSIVELY taking advantage of you! Shock

Realfootyfan · 09/04/2016 10:30

Having read the whole thread YADNBU. Consideration goes both ways. I just couldn't see someone struggling financially while I was benefitting from the bargain rate they were charging me, so I could save up for my own house. I bet you do most of the housework too!

I would definitely be renegotiating on some of the household expenditure to even out the benefits of the arrangement.

Is your husband a bit of a pushover generally with his DBro? I'd be tempted to say to your dh what you intend to do and why.

blueskyinmarch · 09/04/2016 10:33

To be fair to your guests, you are saying you aren’t really stuck for money and the dishwasher tablets cost the same as the ones you wanted them to get but you just got more of them. You haven’t really lost out, but you might have to go get more cash, which you are saying is available. It might be a pain in the ass but you aren’t on bread and water until payday.

HolgerDanske · 09/04/2016 10:36

It's still not their decision to make. They knew the OP wanted to stay within a certain budget and as they decided to go for a more expensive product they can cover the difference.

I do think the whole arrangement needs looking at though. I would have gone bonkers with annoyance by now at the audacity of accepting help from you and then wasting money on a hugely expensive car.

Original poster
careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 10:36

DBIL complained the other day to DH because I left a note on the tumble dryer saying "it's a lovely day please use the washing line" before I went to work. They consider loading the dishwasher an excessive demand. DH told BIL to do the hoovering once and he only did half the stairs because "the lead only stretches that far". DH told him to stop being lazy and unplug it.

No they never do anything. DH won't speak to them about anything. Their rooms look like a pigsty and her desk piles of crap that she is incapable of tidying have now spilled over onto the landing floor. Which DH told her was fine.

Basically DH is very relaxed about it all and is very "whatever" about it all and thinks I am always picking at them and being difficult

It drives me mad. Basically with the extra food, heating, washing etc we probably make £200 out of it

OP posts:
Original poster
careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 10:38

You haven’t really lost out, but you might have to go get more cash, which you are saying is available. It might be a pain in the ass but you aren’t on bread and water until payday.

That's not the point. If someone says "please buy product A" you don't buy product C at nearly 3 times the price without asking them first

OP posts:
HolgerDanske · 09/04/2016 10:40

It's more than just the financial aspect. They're acting like a couple of ungrateful teenagers.

Have they saved anything at all? Otherwise I'd be surfing them out now. What a ridiculous situation.

HolgerDanske · 09/04/2016 10:41

Turfing them out*

Original poster
careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 10:45

They have saved £10k to pay off BILs car at the end of it's finance arrangement. Not sure if they have now started saving for a deposit.

He bought a brand new £23k Ford Focus which cost more than our merc estate

OP posts:
GeorgeTheThird · 09/04/2016 10:46

They're taking the piss. Don't give them the fiver.

grapejuicerocks · 09/04/2016 10:49

Ah well you don't need the money. The dishwasher tablets work out the same per tablet. You make some money out of them. You agreed to have them. Your op made things out to be much worse.

It's really just a matter of adjusting to living with people and is it worth it to you for the amount of profit and the fact they aren't saving as they said they would?

Obviously dh doesn't mind. You do.
Is there a compromise? Up the rent so the inconvenience is is more worthwhile? They help out more around the house with specific jobs?

Time to renegotiate I think. Perhaps a meeting can be arranged to discuss how things are going and how things can move forward. They are obviously disgruntled about some things too. If they want 24 hour access to the tumble dryer, pay more rent etc? Baby etc.

These things have to be sorted in any house share which is what you agreed to in the first place.

HolgerDanske · 09/04/2016 10:49

So they haven't, as far as you know, even started to work to accomplish the aim this arrangement was in aid of. In two years of having stayed with you.

This is ridiculous. They can save up for a deposit and first month's rent on a tenancy. Three months ought to do it, no?

blueskyinmarch · 09/04/2016 10:52

I know there is more to this that just dishwasher tablets but on this matter alone I don't think I would be bothered about getting whatever tablets I was bought. I think for you this is perhaps the proverbial straw but as a stand alone matter it's not really a big deal.

RudeElf · 09/04/2016 10:54

Erm, they've saved you money! The £8 box of 54 works out cheaper than the £3 box of 20. Just take the £5 off the next few weeks' dishwasher tablets budget as you wont have to buy them as soon. You say you arent struggling so you can afford to do this.

Original poster
careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 10:56

Erm, they've saved you money! The £8 box of 54 works out cheaper than the £3 box of 20.

I didn't want a box of 54. I wanted a box of 20.

OP posts:
Original poster
careeristbitchnigel · 09/04/2016 10:59

And by that argument if you wanted a tin of 30p baked beans and you gave me a fiver would you expect me to buy you a pack of 12 for £3 just because they worked out cheaper ?

This is how people get trapped in BOGOF and "deals". They buy what they don't want because it is 3p cheaper

OP posts: