Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want ex to go on 'play' date?

28 replies

passthesalt · 08/04/2016 08:48

Split up with partner a month ago. We still live together, have 2 kids (3 and 1) and until 2 days ago, he has been asking if we can get back together.

Yest he announced that he is taking the kids on a play date with a woman from work and her child. I asked if it was a play date or a date, he giggled and said 'yeah maybe a date, dunno, I know it's a bit soon but...' He's since backtracked and said its just a chance for kids to make a new friend, for him to make a new friend. If he'd said that in the first place, far less of a problem.

My issue isn't necessarily that he's met someone else (but that is odd given that it's so recent, we're still living together, lives tied together really closely still) but what I am really upset about is that he's taking the kids and involving them in this.

Just to be clear, this is a guy who has only ever taken his kids to his parents' house and to the local park by himself, mainly after me suggesting it. And this feels a bit like playing super dad - look at me and my lovely kids, aren't I fab.

Or am I missing something?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 08/04/2016 08:50

Well sounds like she's the reason he's going to play....

wannabehippyandcrazycatlover · 08/04/2016 08:50

YANBU this is disrespectful and weird.

He has suggested it might be a date and 'go somewhere' - I think he's being a dick for involving the children.

Maroonie · 08/04/2016 08:54

Odd if it's a 'date' but taking the children to do things with another family is normal and good

YellowDinosaur · 08/04/2016 09:00

I reckon he's just being a dick and trying to wind you up given that he wanted to get break together so presumably it's you who doesn't. He's probably backtracking now because it's backfired...

TheNaze73 · 08/04/2016 10:31

What an absolutely selfish tool. It's far too early to intergrate children. Men (and women) who put their relationships ahead of their own children, really make me angry

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 10:34

He's on the wind up. It won't happen, and if it did would just ignore it

Are you sure you want split though ?

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 10:34

Want to

Original poster
passthesalt · 08/04/2016 13:54

Thanks all for your replies, glad go hear it's not just me who thinks this is weird.

I wouldn't have minded if it was a play date, that's a nice thing to do. That said, he said that if we were together he would have some explaining to do, which makes me think that it is definitely more about the date m, or rather who's doing the playing.

Anyfucker, I do want to split up - it's been a really painful decision, especially with the kids being so small, but it's based on behaviour like this - selfish and thoughtless - that's made me come to this decision. Still hard though.

OP posts:
Twistedheartache · 08/04/2016 13:57

Definitely weird but then my ex did this when we were still together with OW & her bf (at the time) so cynical me would say anything is possible!

AnyFucker · 08/04/2016 13:58

That sounds like the right decision then, love.

Send him on his silly, staged "dates" with a cheery wave.

Crabbitface · 08/04/2016 14:02

No way would he be taking my kids on a first date - which is what this is. Tell him to go on and have his date but to involve your kids is fucking awful. Depending on how old they are and what they know of your situation they are either going to be incredibly upset at your relationship breaking down anyway - and if they don't know about the split they are going to be very confused when Daddy and the nice lady get flirty. Totally inappropriate. He is very likely trying to make you jealous though, so make it clear that it is not the date you object to but the taking of children.

booklooker · 08/04/2016 14:12

I'm sorry to go against the flow, but I don't think it's that weird.

He's their dad, and wants to take them out.

cestlavielife · 08/04/2016 14:21

If he can be trusted to look after the kids then it s not a big deal he takes them to visit someone.

You don't need to tell him every time you take them to visit someone.

Of course if three year old comes back saying they were left unsupervised then he found daddy and woman in bed together naked then you can call him up on it...

But otherwise let it go. It's just a visit to someone s house .

titchy · 08/04/2016 14:28

Make sure they have plenty of red bull before they go .....

coconutpie · 08/04/2016 14:36

No, you do not take your children on a date FFS! Tell him he can go on his date but his DC are not going to be pawns in his quest for a new woman. Selfish git.

Original poster
passthesalt · 08/04/2016 18:43

Thanks all, Will dose the kids up with redbull, get their legs shaved and make up on so they look their best.

Seriously though, I've asked him not to take them. He doesn't get it, but hopefully he'll listen. Fingers crossed, and thanks again.

OP posts:
Yeahsure · 08/04/2016 18:47

What a twat. I can see why he's your ex. I hope he listens to you.

Original poster
passthesalt · 09/04/2016 09:21

Thanks yeahsure, me too.

OP posts:
Janeymoo50 · 09/04/2016 09:36

I love the "no way would he be taking my kids etc etc"....errr, he's their father so they are not just one persons' kids.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 09/04/2016 09:44

Oh let him go no self respecting woman would take her kids on a "first date". Sounds like he's trying his best to wind you up

Crabbitface · 09/04/2016 19:58

I love the "no way would he be taking my kids etc etc"....errr, he's their father so they are not just one persons' kids

So if the father is doing something damaging to his children the mother has to stand back and allow it because they are "his kids too". No - 'fraid not Janey. The split is so recent that they are still living in the same house and he wants to go and play flirty flirty with a woman from work and let his kids witness this. Seriously not cool. So yeah - no way would he be taking my kids on a first date when we split mere weeks ago...no way!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 09/04/2016 20:09

I very much doubt its a date. The 'OW' is probably being nice and agreeing to meet up for a normal playmate.

Your ex has been trying to reconcile and this is a shot at 'making you jealous.'

I seriously doubt they will be 'flirting.'

CombineBananaFister · 09/04/2016 20:17

The date thing aside, your children are very young and if there might be more going on than just a playdate then that just shows how irresponsible he is. Who takes their kids on a first date a month after being seperated?
it's about their well-being too and who you introduce into their lives as temporary/permanent fixtures, if there was a possibility it isn't about the kids and more about him meeting someone I think it's fair to say they shouldn't go until he knows this person better.

Original poster
passthesalt · 09/04/2016 22:02

I think the point about responsibility is a good one, and I agree with what quite a few people have said, that it might be a ploy to make me jealous. It may well be, but tbh that winds me up as well, as that means he's willing to use the kids as a way to get to me. Grrr.

OP posts:
suspiciousofgoldfish · 11/04/2016 10:12

Hmmm, exactly how much of a tool is your ex? He sounds like a complete numpty - how likely is it that he has met someone at work?

Has got looks, charm wit etc? (I think I know the answer to this one)

Or do you think he's just talked some poor woman into going to the park with him and is absolutely dying to tell you all about his imaginary 'date?'