To not want ex to go on 'play' date?

[passthesalt]

Split up with partner a month ago. We still live together, have 2 kids (3 and 1) and until 2 days ago, he has been asking if we can get back together.

Yest he announced that he is taking the kids on a play date with a woman from work and her child. I asked if it was a play date or a date, he giggled and said 'yeah maybe a date, dunno, I know it's a bit soon but...' He's since backtracked and said its just a chance for kids to make a new friend, for him to make a new friend. If he'd said that in the first place, far less of a problem.

My issue isn't necessarily that he's met someone else (but that is odd given that it's so recent, we're still living together, lives tied together really closely still) but what I am really upset about is that he's taking the kids and involving them in this.

Just to be clear, this is a guy who has only ever taken his kids to his parents' house and to the local park by himself, mainly after me suggesting it. And this feels a bit like playing super dad - look at me and my lovely kids, aren't I fab.

Or am I missing something?

I think in real life people are allowed to get to know someone incidentally, as a result of meetings that are mainly for other purposes. A play date seem as legitimate away as any to spend time with someone. Certainly more useful that signing up for a pottery class.

It's only unusual to involve children in a getting-to-know you situation because most people who date don't yet have any. They both do, so I think it's fine. (Assuming all they are doing together is chatting in the way any two adult would, whether or not there was romantic interest.)

Well, he went out with someone yesterday, whether it was a 'date' or not I don't know (and have surprised myself with not caring as much as I thought I would). But he cleaned the shit out of his car, and this morning fitted one of the car seats back into the car (presumably moved out of the way so her child could sit there - dunno/doesn't matter).

Odd thing (wait, another odd thing...) was that before he went out he said that he didn't want to be doing this, and it didn't have to be like this, if we got back together. Wtf?

Look at this another way. If you knew a single father who had kids the same age and you sort of talked a bit but didn't know each other that well and kind of maybe liked each other but not sure, you might say oh you should come over sometime, bring the kids, they can play. The kids makes it not-a-date and takes the awkwardness out of it for them. Then if you like each other you can do a real date. I get this, I don't think it's weird. If they lived with him then you probably wouldn't think anything of it.