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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dp has yet again ruined another item of clothing

53 replies

Standingonmytippytoes · 07/04/2016 20:43

Posting this in a moment of rage so excuse any errors.

So sick of dp and his absolute stupidity he's just ruined his new trainers by spilling heating oil on them. He's ruined other items of clothing usually through painting in them why can't he just throw on something old to do this shit.

Aibu to say I'm not buying you anymore new clothes (or bloody anything because he puts nothing away when he's done with them, looses and breaks everything) from family money until you learn to take care of the things you have.

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 07/04/2016 23:12

Buying your grown up responsible life partners clothes? Fuck that for a game of soldiers!
I sometimes wonder if I'm living in a parallel universe

Nanny0gg · 07/04/2016 23:44

Oh for god's sake!

Have none of you ever bought your partner's clothes, just because you were somewhere shopping at the time? Or online and it saves postage? It's not the crime of the century.

And I'd be pissed off at the carelessness/waste too. My DH hasn't got a vast choice of clothes and I do get cross if he wears something decent while he's painting/doing diy.

I feel you pain, OP.

VenusInFauxFurs · 07/04/2016 23:46

He's a grown-up! If he were single he could be trashing his clothes with impunity. Let it go. And sort out separate clothing budgets.

VenusInFauxFurs · 07/04/2016 23:48

So happy I'm single. There are probably downsides but if I spill bleach on a new top, at least I don't get a telling off.

ImperialBlether · 07/04/2016 23:49

Yes but he's destroying her things as well! Why are people picking to pieces their family's practices when the fact is her husband is too fucking careless to look after things that they can ill afford to lose?

Chottie · 08/04/2016 05:17

OP - I would be very annoyed too.

The mop incident shows a complete lack of respect for you. Regarding the clothes I'd just be thinking why?!?

triceraplops · 08/04/2016 05:31

Penfold - because I like shopping and his idea is "whatever is in his size and cheap" from whatever supermarket he stumbles past

And?

Let the poor man wear what he wants! Has it occurred to you that buy ruining the things you buy him he's trying to tell you something? Granted, he's not doing it in the most adult of ways, but that's not surprising since you treat him like a five year old.

LineyReborn · 08/04/2016 06:02

So he had a grudge against the mop?

mathanxiety · 08/04/2016 06:05

There is nothing wrong with buying him clothes. Women are usually held responsible for how their husbands are turned out so you might as well turn him out to your taste. If he dresses himself badly you will get funny looks just as much as he will. I gave up buying exH anything because he lost caps, gloves, etc., or destroyed his clothes in the laundry by using bleach. He also destroyed my clothes using bleach. Nobody suspected he was the culprit. His mother took me aside to explain to me how bleach works Hmm.

He also look a razor and shaved his head the night before DD4's christening, ending up like someone who had lost a bet to a bunch of drunk friends or lost a fight with a lawn mower. I was asked why I let him do that..

I too hated the waste, and also the massive amount of disrespect; I asked him not to use bleach except for sheets and towels if he was doing the laundry, and flat out told him he wasn't doing me a favour by destroying clothing, but nobody could tell him anything.

YANBU OP. No more family budget on clothes for him.

To all those saying he is a grown up, he patently is not.

Wizzles · 08/04/2016 06:14

I hear you OP. Annoying isn't it?

My DH buys his own clothes from "his" money as opposed to family money, so I couldn't really care less if he wrecks them. BUT he is a messy bugger & spills things that stain (no idea what), then just dumps the clothes in the laundry basket. I'm the one who does the laundry, but I don't check every item before I wash. So when it comes out the machine still stained he looks surprised & just puts it back in the basket again. We had one hoody that went through about 4 times with un-shiftable bolognese sauce on it.

Incidentally, if he did bother to tell me they were stained, I'd make him treat them himself. I'm not his mum. But he either doesn't notice or forgets.

This doesn't impact on me, but I just find it annoying to keep washing stained clothes. and that he often wears them without noticing the stains so looks like a scruffy git

CallMeDollFace · 08/04/2016 06:21

I cannot see what the problem with the op buying the clothes is at all? The only argument against it I've seen is that he is a grown up.

If you are married to someone who has no real interest in clothes, or works long hours (or both) and you manage the household finances, why would buying their clothes be a problem? Is it any different to buying their food? Is that 'mothering' your partner?

What exactly is the issue?

triceraplops · 08/04/2016 06:23

Women are usually held responsible for how their husbands are turned out so you might as well turn him out to your taste.

Good god. What a disgusting attitude. If a man said "Men are judged by how pretty their wives are. Turn them out to your taste" about a woman, he'd get lynched and rightly so.

There are some absolutely vile hypocrites on this site. Frankly I'm amazed you manage to stay married! You clearly don't even like your husbands, let alone have any respect for them since you appear to treat them like bloody children.

heron98 · 08/04/2016 06:36

The mop thing would annoy me because it was "my" mop.

If he ruins his own clothes that's his shout, I wouldn't really care.

insancerre · 08/04/2016 06:42

When my nan used to buy me hideous shoes and clothes I wouldn't be seen dead in, I used to ruin them deliberately so in didn't have to wear them
Just saying

LineyReborn · 08/04/2016 06:51

I don't understand why he would trash the mop though. Some sort of domestic sabotage?

madcapcat · 08/04/2016 06:57

My dh has had to be trained. When we first met, all his clothes were blue-grey because he didn't sort lights and darks when he was washing his clothes or pay any attention to temperature. That one cost him several hundred pounds in replacing new clothes of mine that he'd shrunk. (to the extent that if I wore anything she liked, my very petite dm would offer to pay him to shrink it so she could have it) He does at least sort everything now and never does a wash above 40. He also used to do stupid stuff like propping his bike up against the curtains and when I complained about the oil stains reply "but it's only stuff -it can be replaced". I cured that one by marching him into John Lewis to price the cost of replacing them. He still does stupid stuff without thinking, but he is much much better. (and if I didn't buy him clothes he would dress entirely in cast-offs from his very much larger brother or his dm's carboot finds)

peacefuleasyfeeling · 08/04/2016 07:01

Triceraplops, I laughed out loud when I read Maths' post; I don't get that she (Hi Maths, I assume you are a 'she') necessarily thinks that this is an acceptable state of affairs, but is just sharing her perception, having had experience of being judged by her exDH's appearance. And it's her ex, so it's understandable if she comes across as not being massively enamoured with him. He sounds like a plonker.
I would never buy DP clothes, he has very particular tastes, though I still can't quite figure out what they are; something is either right or not. And he only buys from charity shops (bar shoes and underwear). He is v careful with his 'good' clothes (treats stains, irons and mends), but lordy, he scruffs around in his allotment / chainsawing clothes too indiscriminately; school runs caked in mud, parents' evening with a cloud of sawdust about him, down the shops smeared with engine oil. If I was judged by his appearance I'd be screwed Grin

incandescentalright · 08/04/2016 07:29

Can't he still wear the trainers?

TubbyTabby · 08/04/2016 07:46

sounds like you have yourself an incompetent man.
why are you with him??

pearlylum · 08/04/2016 08:10

He sounds like my man OP. He will mess up all his clothes at the weekend doing messy DIY stuff.I buy most of his clothes too.

However- he has zilch interest in clothes. He dresses as smart as a pin for work ( a consultant visiting legal offices) , but at weekends will wear whatever is top of his drawer. I buy 90% of his clothes and shoes from jumble sales and charity shops.
I don't mind. He is a brilliant partner and father , he earns enough to contribute to a beautiful home, he is a doting father who loves spending time with his kids, he does all the cooking and most of the housework at weekends, he is an attentive and selfless lover and he makes me laugh.
It's no big deal that I buy clothes for pennies and he trashes them occassionally.

OP put the trainers in the washing machine- they'll come out fine.

KathyBeale · 08/04/2016 09:03

My husband isn't like this but my son (who is 9) is and it drives me mad. He has no respect for anything, he leaves things lying on the floor, he loses things, he breaks stuff. At the moment we're looking for his favourite hoodie which he thinks he might have left somewhere. I am turning the house upside down, he is looking vaguely in one direction then wandering off to do something else. He loves that hoodie but he isn't remotely bothered that he might not see it again.

I am really careful with my things and he's driven me to tears before now with his attitude.

I think it might be innate, OP, as it's not something he's learned from his parents. That's not helpful for you, sorry!

mathanxiety · 09/04/2016 07:03

Triceratops, I most definitely did not like my exH. And I most definitely was judged by many for the atrocious way he stubbornly insisted on presenting himself. It wasn't right, but it happened. (And I am a she).

I considered it in everyone's best interests to try to make him look his best because he was a lawyer who should have been interested in making a good impression on potential clients. Left to his own devices he bought and wore trousers that looked like he grew out of them at fourteen, shiny cutoff cowboy boot-style shoes with pointy toes, shirts with French cuffs paired with cheap ties -- the effect was 'rummage sale chic' or Peter Pan, not 'grown up professional who knows what he is doing'. His aim when going out shopping was to break his previous fastest speed shopping record, not to go out and spend money wisely by buying clothing that enhanced his appearance and image, or even clothes that actually fit him and went with clothes he already owned.

He used to run too, wearing a pair of white spandex shorts that were incredibly tight and after the first half mile they left absolutely nothing to the imagination. He actually went to work with the self inflicted 'haircut', looking like a holy show. I don't know if he had to be in court that week, but around here lawyers do not wear wigs or gowns, and they dress well.

Flashbangandgone · 09/04/2016 08:08

Separate clothing budgets?... Goodness, some people do run their households with military precision!

Nobodyspecialanymore · 09/04/2016 08:12

Is he nice in other ways? He doesn't sound lazy, and surely unkempt is forgivable if he's otherwise lovely.

CallMeDollFace · 09/04/2016 10:17

We have one clothing budget for all of us, but I suppose if dh was stressing me out about his clothing in some way I would consider separating it.

I am quite military in my precision though Grin