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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what women see in them?

47 replies

sepa · 07/04/2016 09:36

I know a couple of guys who are due to have their 5th child with yet again a different woman. One of them is on his 3rd baby mumma and the other on his 4th. Each of the women were originally the other woman as was the baby mumma before them.

I have actually lost a friend because of one of them (she is the current person pregnant with one of their kids) whilst my other friend to the other guy has to deal with her kids from him and all the hurt he has caused them.

There is also another guy I know who has now left my other friend to be with another woman (he has 4 kids with 2 different women) although this 3rd woman is not yet pregnant...

I just don't understand how women find this attractive or how they can think that he will stay with them? What is it abou these guys? I wouldn't say that any of them are attractive and only one of the guys has money

OP posts:
EverySongbirdSays · 07/04/2016 17:31

YANBU - I know a similar guy - several children by several women and he is such a minger I don't know how he got one of them to sleep with him let alone all.

I also marvel at the sex lives of the motley crew that frequent the Jeremy Kyle show.

VertigoNun · 07/04/2016 17:33

Thankfully I have not encountered this type in my personal life, I would avoid if I was you, they all sound like drama lama types with poor morals.

PPie10 · 07/04/2016 17:35

I don't know people like this but I know there's plenty of them around. I wouldn't associate with these types both the men and the women who choose them. Not my reality at all.

BillBrysonsBeard · 07/04/2016 17:37

I've never known anyone like this but I can imagine they're very charming and going for women who crave love more than most so they are blind to his faults.

Original poster
sepa · 07/04/2016 17:37

It just really makes me angry. I think mostly as I think it sets a bad example to their children - boys this is how you treat women / girls this is how you should expect to be treated.

Funny thing is though is that one of them questioned DH over the parentage of my DCs (I have been with DH since we were 14)

OP posts:
VertigoNun · 07/04/2016 17:40

Funny thing is though is that one of them questioned DH over the parentage of my DCs

Dramalama behaviour. Why do you give them the time of day?

WannaBe · 07/04/2016 17:40

One day me and DP got chatting to a couple next to us in a restaurant and she was telling us how they'd got together and how they were meant for each other etc etc. She then went on to say that it's been hard for her because he has four children by three different women and how all his ex's were still in love with him. Hmm and all I could think was "and you of course are the one who will change everything....." I do occasionally think of them and wonder if they're still together.

If I'm honest, I don't think that multiple children by multiple partners is an attractive trait on either side, I find it equally difficult to understand why some women feel the need to have a baby with every man they have a relationship with as well, and certainly don't think that it's an ideal situation for children to grow up in.

AliceInUnderpants · 07/04/2016 17:43

It's the appeal of appearing on JK innit?

TippyTappyLappyToppy · 07/04/2016 17:44

If I'm honest, I don't think that multiple children by multiple partners is an attractive trait on either side, I find it equally difficult to understand why some women feel the need to have a baby with every man they have a relationship with as well, and certainly don't think that it's an ideal situation for children to grow up in.

Totally agree with that. But if women do it they are victims who are clearly suffering from both bad luck and and low self esteem whereas if men do it they are callous irresponsible bastards. Apparently.

Original poster
sepa · 07/04/2016 17:45

Wannabe - maybe we know the same people!

Vertigo - I don't. The guy works in Tesco so we bump into him occasionally. Apparently it's banter

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 07/04/2016 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VertigoNun · 07/04/2016 17:47

Tell him manager he is being abusive and tell him it's banter when he questions it. don't do this really

RudeElf · 07/04/2016 17:48

Are they caring for/supporting all their children? If they are then i think theyre maybe guys who make bad choices (pick the wrong person to have kids with too many times) it doesnt mean they are bad people, just like women who have a few children with different fathers. It doesnt make them bad people.
However if they are just walking away each time and not supporting them then i guess they are spinning a load of lies to the new women to engineer a relationship. We see it on MN a lot.

Penguinepenguins · 07/04/2016 17:50

I also marvel at the sex lives of the motley crew that frequent the Jeremy Kyle show.

Me too! Wtf is that about! not that i watch it

NeedACleverNN · 07/04/2016 17:50

I sort of know someone like this.

She has two children by the same man. He has never been in a relationship with her for long before buggering off to another woman. He even cheated on his new gf with this girl I know and now she's pregnant with his twins. Her oldest two is 4 and 2. Means she will have 4 under 5 as a single mum.

He now has a new gf

VertigoNun · 07/04/2016 17:56

They must have enlarged neurological development in the regions responsible for drama and sex drive.

AugustaFinkNottle · 07/04/2016 17:58

When you're bantering with him, ask him whether he fully supports all his children financially. And whether anyone's ever told him about contraception.

Original poster
sepa · 07/04/2016 18:00

RudeElf - depends who's point of view your looking at it from. I don't think they get the right support (financially or emotionally) but I suppose everyone parents differently.

2 of the dads don't see at least 2 of their kids. I'm not sure how much 2 of them pay towards maintenance either. One of them is on a low wage job and as he is expecting DC 5 he has decided to lower the payments for other DCs to £40 a month for each child (I'm not sure that even covers nappies for my LO so not sure how far the mums stretch the money)

OP posts:
Queenbean · 07/04/2016 18:00

I met a guy who was really quite attractive, mid-30s on a work course. Really lovely, charming guy. Then he said he had 4 children by 4 different women and was a grandfather too.

I feel more sorry for the children - there was a thread on here once where people said how they felt like an outsider having all different siblings, parents and step-parents

Very complicated

AdrenalineFudge · 07/04/2016 18:00

I don't understand these type of arrangements either but equally I don't understand how you could have been with one man since 14. Horses=courses I guess.

Delacroix · 07/04/2016 18:01

They target vulnerable women; women who've been abused, mistreated, women who seek out replicas of the men who've already hurt them. I have a vile distant relative whose face is marred by crusty yellow warts, which you'd think would keep women away, and he's impregnated two girls who grew up in foster care. Then left them, refuses to pay for or see the children. The second knew he would do this, as he'd done it before, but went ahead and slept with Toadman anyway.

Original poster
sepa · 07/04/2016 18:05

Adrenaline- because I'm a bit strange Grin tbh, I didn't expect it to be a forever thing, just happens to have gone that way so far

OP posts:
LazyDaysAndTuesdays · 07/04/2016 18:06

But if women do it they are victims who are clearly suffering from both bad luck and and low self esteem whereas if men do it they are callous irresponsible bastards. Apparently.

I'd agree with that summary.

My DBIL exW is now having her 6th child by 5th father.

I doubt people are saying the same about her.

Tummyclutter · 07/04/2016 18:06

Delacroix has hit the nail on the head.

RudeElf · 07/04/2016 18:07

Oh well they arent supporting them based on what you describe. Maybe they cant, maybe they wont. Bottom line- they arent.

Fwiw i know quite a few couples who have been together since 14/15. All married/committed with DCs.

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