To be livid almost to the point of feeling like going NC about this?

[georgetteheyersbonnet]

Just turned age 3 DD in the bath tonight, playing with her bath toys as usual, suddenly says to me: "Granny says Father Christmas doesn't exist because he's not real".

DH calls MIL immediately after bedtime: MIL says self-righteously in defence of this: "Oh, but I don't believe in lying to children". MIL can be an somewhat difficult character and has a bit of a history of undermining me and DH on parenting issues. She also has high-functioning ASD so can see the world in more rigid terms than most, which we normally try to make lots of allowances for.

Because of a recent period of both DH and me both being quite ill and having work problems and no childcare help and no other options to keep our jobs, MIL has been looking after DD more than we usually like. This has also resulted in some brattish behaviour from DD as she has been indulged much too much. MIL doesn't like to set boundaries for children either, so for example doesn't say anything if DD hits or pushes her or other children - something we aren't that happy about, as though we are pretty gentle with DD we also like to set clear limits on what is and isn't acceptable behaviour. However I appreciate that if someone's looking after my child as a favour then I can't dictate too much how they do it.

MIL does tend to like to feel like she has a special bond with DD that slightly undermine our authority as parents. But this latest has upset both me and DH terribly - she is only 3 and we'd have liked her to have some of the magic of FC for a few more years. My heart breaks thinking of how excited she was last Christmas and how much in awe of the magic and the whole experience. She isn't a child who is likely to forget what MIL has said, and I feel pretty devastated about such a nice thing being taken away from her just because MIL wants to feel self-righteous about "not lying". I hadn't dreamt that MIL would do something like this.

AIBU to be so upset about it? Am I overreacting? It feels like MIL has really crossed a line here. You just don't do that to someone else's child, do you, especially one so young?

YABU to think about going no contact, if not for the practical reason you say you can't afford any other form of childcare.

I could be wildly wrong but I don't think OP is actually going to go NC, Manner
I think she's just said that in the heat of the moment. I mean if I had never mind a pound but a penny for everytime I said I'm not speaking to him/her again, and been speaking the next day. I'd be top of the rich list.

I'm with MIL, I'm afraid. I totally don't get why so many mums parents here think pretending Father Christmas is real is either desirable or important for others to join in with. I've never met anyone in RL who takes it as seriously as MNetters seem to.

That's fine. But mind your own beeswax with regard to what other parents tell their children.

At present, my DGC all believe. Oldest may not this year but hopefully not because some interfering adult has told him FC isn't real.

But mind your own beeswax with regard to what other parents tell their children.

It's going to be mighty quiet on MN if everyone follows that advice.

Badly phrased! I meant telling them in RL rather than MN 'discussion'

"do people normally tell other people's 3 year olds that Santa doesn't exist?"

My maternal grandmother told my then-3 year old son this... on December 25th, sat at my parents dinner table, as he was excitedly bouncing in his seat and talking to his older sister about what he'd been gifted. She then said that if he didn't stop talking about himself, she'd take all of his gifts away from him, sell them, and keep the money for herself.

We left immediately. Got up from the dinner table, packed up the DC's gifts... and left. My mother was at work at the time (nurse) and oblivious to the whole thing, but my father understood completely (although he was a bit irked that we'd left him with her by himself for an hour or so until my mother came home. Could we have stayed? Not without my being in prison right now. This comment was the icing on the cake, as they say!).

And we've not seen her since (bear in mind, too, that this was the first time I'd allowed her to see my children since my DD - who is 20 this year - was 2 years old!). She isn't a nice woman. She's alienated every single one of her four children, her 9 grandchildren and, consequently, doesn't see one of her 5 great-grandchildren.

When someone tells you who they are... listen.

My DS continued to believe for a long while after that (he'll be 12 this year). We're Jewish (the DC celebrate Christmas because it's a nice family holiday and we're not Orthadox), but my maternal grandmother isn't. She was simply being nasty. So we went NC with her.

Allowing a child to be precisely that isn't lying. It's letting them be a child. And that's something that ought to be protected for as long as is possible, in my opinion.