Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to stop giving them freebies?

38 replies

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · 06/04/2016 13:38

We usually give DSs old clothes to a family friend who has a son a few months or so younger. Just stuff from Next and the like, we don't really buy anything "fancy" so to speak.

Anyway, I've just received a message, after posting we were going shopping for summer clothes and bits, saying I'm pathetic for spending money on clothes when he will outgrow them soon anyway and I should just go to the charity shop (which I do occasionally like to look for bargains in charity shops but I also like going to places like Next and Tesco etc too). They go abroad twice a year so it's not like they're on the poverty line, they're just frugal about buying clothes and things (hence why they ask for our old stuff "if it's in good condition")

AIBU to stop giving them stuff and just take the outgrown things to the charity shop instead? I'm so annoyed that they've slated us for buying things, but will happily have them off our hands

OP posts:

Leeds2 · 06/04/2016 13:40

I would take them to the charity shop. Your friend can buy them there if she wants to.

NeedACleverNN · 06/04/2016 13:41

Yanbu

It has nothing to do with them on how you spend your money

Any decent friend would appreciate your cast offs. I know I would. Especially next products as they are not cheap.

Charity shop them

Sunnybitch · 06/04/2016 13:44

Send a msg bk saying "oh it's OK ill get some of the money back when I sell the stuff on ebay"

Lunar1 · 06/04/2016 13:45

Cheeky sods! Put them on your local FB selling site, you'll make someone really happy to get a nice bundle of things cheaply.

Original poster

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · 06/04/2016 13:45

I've never minded giving them to them as I obviously have no use for them anymore once he's outgrown them, but now they've said that it just makes me reconsider. It was so bitchy, I don't complain how other people spend their money

OP posts:

ElderlyKoreanLady · 06/04/2016 13:46

Your friend called you pathetic for buying clothes?

SaucyJack · 06/04/2016 13:48

You what?

Was it meant in a jokey way?

This person is not a friend.

LaContessaDiPlump · 06/04/2016 13:49

Wow. That's not a friend stop giving them anything!

Niknack · 06/04/2016 13:49

YANBU, I used to give my kids outgrown clothes to a friend or my Neice until they started selling them on Facebook when their kids had grown them!
The all go to charity shop or clothing bank now.

Original poster

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · 06/04/2016 13:51

From the way it read it sounded quite malicious Saucy, I know sometimes tone doesn't come across well over the Internet but there was nothing in the message to suggest it was lighthearted if you know what I mean?

OP posts:

girlywhirly · 06/04/2016 13:53

She thinks you are pathetic for buying new clothes, which she is pleased to accept in good condition when your DS outgrows them?

Perhaps you should reply that she is entitled to her opinion, but it is none of her business where you buy your DS' clothes. And as Leeds says, outgrown ones will be in the charity shop from now on.

If she didn't want to accept them from you she didn't have to be so rude, she could have politely asked you to stop giving them. You must have saved her a lot of money over time. Is she under the influence of another friend do you think?

NorbertDentressangle · 06/04/2016 13:54

Hang on a minute ....the "friend" who is happy to take your DS's hand-me-down clothes for her own son is the same "friend" who is slating you for buying clothes??? Even though she benefits from them??

loosechange · 06/04/2016 13:58

Agree, give them to a charity shop from now on. Your money, your choice what you spend it on. Regardless of whether you buy designer clothes or high store clothes first hand.

newmumwithquestions · 06/04/2016 13:58

YANBU at all. She's being out of order. And she's not very bright as she benefits from you buying clothes!

YourLeftElbow · 06/04/2016 13:58

I really would reply-
Ha! We don't think it's pathetic, but you do have a point about them
costing, so we've decided to sell them on on ebay afterwards to recoup the costs.

QuietTiger · 06/04/2016 14:01

One of my indulgences is to buy my 15 month DD clothes from "higher end" childrens clothing brands (Not designer, just really good quality stuff). We can afford it, I like doing it and my motivation for it is no one else's business.

Like you, I often pass the clothes on when DD has grown out of them.

One particular "friend" had a real dig at me one day accusing DD of looking like she was a catalogue advert for one particular brand I particularly like and DD wears a lot. It wasn't good natured, because "friend" then accused me of wasting my money. She was quite happy to then ask me for hand-me-downs though. (I said no).

"Wasting" money is relative. Example - I think that people who spend their money on cigarettes is a waste (DAunt I'm looking at you!). My DAunt thinks I wasted my money taking my Dcat to the USA and back with me when I was working there, but smokes 40 a day. You get the gist.

I'd stop giving your friend your hand me downs and take them to the charity shop.

It may be that other factors are at work, such as jealousy or envy, or it may not, but certainly don't feel bad for dressing your DS however the hell you want.

Flossiesmummy · 06/04/2016 14:02

Cut her loose. Making comments like that is unacceptable.

NeedACleverNN · 06/04/2016 14:03

You could essentially say that two holidays abroad a year is a waste of money.

Thousands paid out for no real benefit*

Least you a buying something a child needs. Clothes.

I get you get sun, sea, and sand if it's hot and you get family bonding and maybe experience some new culture but you have nothing real to show for it before people start yelling at me. Yes I have been on holiday and yes i still will

OracleofDelphi · 06/04/2016 14:04

Wow! Some people... I cant believe she would slate you when you give her good quality clothes for free?

Anyway you now know not to make that mistake again! Personally I wouldn't reply as I couldnt be arsed having to justify myself to someone who could be so rude. Just dont reply and dont ever give her anything again. If she did mean this seriously the I couldnt be friends with someone who judged me, and then felt it acceptable to email me to let me know they were judging me ! What a cow...

missnevermind · 06/04/2016 14:04

Just tell her it's a good idea to support the charity shops and you will be sending the next outgrown bundle to them directly

AugustaFinkNottle · 06/04/2016 14:08

Perhaps she's selfishly concerned that you're buying summer clothes now because, by the time your DS has outgrown them, the summer will be over and they won't be any use for her child?

CandyFlossBrain · 06/04/2016 14:33

She sounds incredibly entitled, and also thick. She probably thinks you're 'pathetic' to buy childrens clothes as they just magically appear from friends!

Absolutely don't give her any more. If she asks tell her you sell them on eBay now to get some of the cost back, and she's welcome to bid if she likes...

SoupDragon · 06/04/2016 14:33

Reply "Not everyone has someone that gives them clothes for free!"

StableYard · 06/04/2016 14:40

How utterly bizarre of her to comment like that. I personally would have to reply and set her straight at how nasty she has been.

I also would step away from this friendship - far to negative. Don't give her anything else.

Drbint · 06/04/2016 14:44

I would reply "I don't see you complaining when we pass them onto you" so everyone can see what an ungrateful bitch she is.

Definitely don't give them anything else.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread