to stop giving them freebies?

[KilgraveMadeMeDoIt]

We usually give DSs old clothes to a family friend who has a son a few months or so younger. Just stuff from Next and the like, we don't really buy anything "fancy" so to speak.

Anyway, I've just received a message, after posting we were going shopping for summer clothes and bits, saying I'm pathetic for spending money on clothes when he will outgrow them soon anyway and I should just go to the charity shop (which I do occasionally like to look for bargains in charity shops but I also like going to places like Next and Tesco etc too). They go abroad twice a year so it's not like they're on the poverty line, they're just frugal about buying clothes and things (hence why they ask for our old stuff "if it's in good condition")

AIBU to stop giving them stuff and just take the outgrown things to the charity shop instead? I'm so annoyed that they've slated us for buying things, but will happily have them off our hands

No. Your friend should be grateful X

Take them to charity shop or sell them on fb?

I would just say "yes, but if I didn't buy them where would you get your clothes from " and then stop talking to them.

Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!

It's relative though, isn't it? My colleague thinks that I waste my money by going on three holidays/city breaks a year and she hasn't been anywhere in four years but I love travel and that's what I prefer to spend my money on, and save all year for. I think my younger brother wastes his money on his car but that's what he loves and enjoys. Everyone has their own opinion on the value of things.

Telling you that you're wasting your money on clothes but then happily taking them off your hands for free is cheeky as fuck and I would rethink the friendship.

They may not find it so easy to buy all their clothes second hand once you stop giving them all your stuff. Bit of a daft thing for them to post really.

Daft, nasty bint. Oh well, her loss.

Sorry for the late replies! Thanks for the affirmation that I'm not being an unreasonable cow for feeling this way. Felt good to write it down and get it off my chest too if I'm honest!

I mean, even if they thought it was a waste of money, why say it when the very same clothes would be being passed down to them anyway? well not now, I'm sure I could give them to someone else through a Facebook page or charity who will be more grateful when the time comes!
Thanks for the support and letting me get it off my chest

Charity shop them. If she finds them she'll have to spend about a tenner.

Wow! Rude woman and I would absolutely stop giving her the clothes once your son has outgrown them.
My neighbour often passes on clothes to me for DD, that her DD has outgrown (her DD is a year older, so I tend to get the clothes when they'd actually be of use too, summer clothes in time for summer etc)
Now, I'm on a budget, so I buy cheap and cheerful, from Primark etc. My neighbour has a bigger budget, so while she isn't buying designer gear, it's definitely more upmarket that the stuff I can afford. I don't for one second think she is 'wasting' her money, she is spending within her means. If I had a bigger budget, I would be buying from the same places.
As it is, I feel I have the best of both worlds. DD is always well dressed, whether it's clothes I've bought new, or have been given second hand. I am extremely appreciative to my neighbour for the clothes she gives me for DD, as she doesn't have to, they are ALWAYS in great condition so she could easily sell them on.

Sounds like this 'friend' of yours doesn't have the same attitude unfortunately. I'd find someone else to pass your kindness on to.

"I've just received a message, ... saying I'm pathetic for spending money on clothes when he will outgrow them soon anyway and I should just go to the charity shop"
I would just have to respond to the out-and-out bitchiness of that comment. Maybe along the lines of 'But that would make your son's clothes third-hand! Maybe best we cut out the middle-man in future and you go direct to the charity shop from now on. And pay for them.' OK, reading that back it's a bit too aggressive, maybe 'If you find my buying habits so distasteful, I won't sully you with his outgrown clothing any more. So sorry to have offended you so much and so regularly in the past.' And maybe a couple of kisses too.

It would be great to reply agreeing and saying that's why you've decided to eBay his stuff from now on.

I get told to Ebay stuff I don't want but I'd rather give to a cause that's near to my heart as I don't often give actual money to charity.

What a cheeky cow though! YANBU. i grew up in handmedowns and it was nice to get my own stuff eventually. She'll get a rude awakening when next she has to buy for DS and if she has the nerve to ask if you've anything tell her where it's gone and WHY!

Off topic entirely but every time I scroll near this thread, I read 'to stop giving them frisbees'

Hmm.

But again, you're not being unreasonable X