to start a blatent ultimate MIL thread

[ollieplimsoles]

Well, more of a 'crazy things your IL's have done' but in my case its all about MIL. Alot of mil/ill threads lately I thought it might be good to have most if them in one place.

Ive spoken about some things on here but I'm not sure I ever mentioned my wedding dress so here goes: I showed mil my wedding dress, I was trying to include her in the planning of the day as she only has sons and I didn't want her to feel left out. It was a second hand cream lace full length dress and I loved it.

The following weekend we were at ILs and mil brings out the dress she has bought to wear for the wedding... Its cream lace. I didn't know what to say at the time but thankfully dh said that she would look a bit strange standing next to me in that dress. She had paid a lot of money for it, it cost more than my wedding dress and she was determined to wear it.
After many weeks of arguments and strops leading up to the day, she finally agreed to wear a different dress.
She turned up in the exact same dress, but in black lace, not cream. It was July, the hottest day of the year, and she sat and sulked all day long in a very heavy, tight black lace dress...

you well I have known her a while and I knew what would happen..

I have to be honest I didn't think she would actually try it though!

My FIL is renowned in the family for buying bonkers presents for us - he separated from MIL a number of years ago, and as she'd done all the present shopping up 'til then, I think it was a challenge for him.

He now has a lady friend - and I can tell when she's been asked to choose my present for me, and when FIL has been shopping independently.

Some good examples are three books for ds3, for his 12th birthday (iirc) - a book of cartoons of Cats in Cornwall, a book on the history of the Cornish pasty, and a book about Cornish cheeses (he lives in Cornwall). Or the Toilets of Cornwall book he bought for dh. I tend to get either celtic themed jewellry, or books from TV series that I have never expressed an interest in - The Victorian Farm - things like that.

He came to stay with us, one summer, and for 9 days holiday he'd packed:

Two pairs chinos - beige

Two cotton shirts - beige

One cotton jacket - beige

One tie - brown

One waistcoat - golden brown.

He washed a pair of trousers and a shirt each night, and ironed them the next morning - and wore the same outfit every single day, for 9 days! We had considered going to the beach with the dogs - they could play in the sea, we could paddle and/or eat chips - but we had to veto that one - we'd have lost him the minute he stepped onto the sand!!

He is now known as Man In Beige - like men in black, but less exciting!

Further to my long post above. DH DD and I are on holiday atm. Some people are here in groups with relations, gps and everything! I commented to DH that it would be really wierd to have family, that you got on so well with, you'd choose to go on holiday with them. Just been given a lovely hug by DD. I hope we will always be close and we can perhaps be gps in this wierd world of family holidays once she is grown.

SDT - Man in beige

My MIL is nice enough but she has no faith in me as an adult... I was a youngish teen when I first met dh but I'm nearing 40 now. However, in her eyes, I'm still an awkward child. She gives me very specific instructions on how to do things that I've been managing all by myself for years, like pegging out laundry, buying milk etc.

She wouldn't involve me in trying to organise a surprise party for DHs 21st birthday as 'I'd get over-excited and tell him all about it' nope love, your darling son is the one who cannot keep a fecking secret if his life depended on it. Instead she tried to get his friends to help her and shockingly, none of them managed to help her so she had to call the whole thing off...

Yes, that was almost two decades ago now but it still irritates me to be the 'flakey' one whereupon the opposite is true. DH couldn't organise finding his arse with both hands and a map - I'm the one who sorts everything out!

My MIL is lovely, my own mum is bat shit crazy so it makes a nice change

Well, I'm puzzled, a few weeks ago I was being told on AIBU that the grammar police pounce on errors and put people off posting. 58 posts in and no-one's picked up on a blatant error here, and long may it stay that way! (I am aware of the contradiction in making this post, but that's why I waited until posting had stopped, so I can timidly make my point about the myth of grammar police. )

I like my MIL. My own mum is over bearing and drinks too much. I can't imagine having a mum like my MIL

My MIL is lovely. Thankfully, as DH has no social charm whatsoever and if she was the same and didn't like me it would be horrific!

I love my MIL.

On the day of my DBro's funeral, she and her best friend flew down from Scotland so that she could look after DS1 who was only 9 months at the time, knowing that I would want to be concentrating on my parents, SIL and my sister.

She stayed for the funeral, looked after the baby, hugged me, hugged DH, cried with my parents and then went back to the airport. All that travel, time and expense just so she could be there for us.

She brings a million gifts for our boys when she comes, she never oversteps any boundaries (not that I have any!), keeps our fridge stocked with beer and wine and cooks dinner for us.

She's coming out in November (we live overseas) and I can't wait for her to get here. She's one in a million.

Poor poor OP, your MIL sounds like Cruella d'Evil, and several of the other posts on here are just awful too.
I think those people posting about the wonderful in-laws they have AB a bit U, and rather mean too.
I would love to be part of a caring family in law, but to my great sadness this isn't the case. My MIL for example responded to the news that I was pregnant with our (VERY long-awaited) DS with the question "but you'll still help me out with things, won't you?". She has called my very calm and happy baby words like "spoilt", "manipulative" etc every single time she has seen him since he was 10 days old. She continually rings my DH between 6 and 8pm on week nights, his only time with the baby, and then when we're with her picks fights with him over the fact that he "never answer the phone". My own parents love my DS but I live far away from them and I often feel sad that the granny he lives close to resents him and sees him as competition. She has always been selfish but for years I've tried to be kind towards her, while my DH has also been a dutiful son. Sadly some in laws just aren't very nice and you should feel free to have a good bitch on mumsnet.

My MIL is a twat. I could rant for hours, but I won't.

One time when I was at her place for a BBQ I wanted to feed the baby (breastfeeding) and wanted to go somewhere private to get away from her she suggested I use the dining room as only the dog was in there and he could "suck on the other one". It makes me feel sick just typing it.

That's the most light hearted thing I could come up with as most of the crap that comes out of her mouth is horribly offensive.

I had a mc on my honeymoon, on return my mil said to dh "she may not be pregnant now but I'm sure it wont be long before she is again" with me sat there in tears just got off a plane.

Even after we were married, my MIL would delight in talking me through the five framed photos on the living room wall that showed DH and his first wife on their wedding day, sighing about how pretty wife no 1 had looked...

And when DH went to pick up his MBA on graduation day, she huffed that he was only bloody 'showing off'. Swiftly followed by the comment that MBAs must be worth confetti, if gobshite waste-of-spaces like DH could get them.

My MIL asked me if we. could change the date of our wedding...three weeks in advance. We actually get on really well now.

My MIL turned up to my wedding in a white dress and birdcage veil..... Lucklily her sisters stepped in and got her to change. She then did a mid way dress change, which was just weird as it was a small, low key wedding. Apart from lecturing us like we are children, she hates the fact I have my own thoughts and opinions. Having a baby and she turned up and had bought everything, I mean everything for it. Some may say that is nice, but it was a control thing. She didn't ask what we needed and then got so angry seeing I had bought most things myself. Apparently that is not fair and she wanted to do it.... Oh and I only have chosen breast feeding to hog the baby thank goodness DH and the rest of her family see what she is like!!!

My MIL turned up to our wedding in a tight dress, cut off at mid-thigh, and platform heels. Having only ever seen her - in the four years before we got married - in beige "slacks",turtleneck jumpers and loafers, this was a bit of a shock. She then changed for the reception, into a long skirt, blouse and tatty cardigan.

Whenever she visits or we visit, she will spend the first ten minutes in silence, eyeing us in disapproval. Once she has "warmed up" she is fine, chatty and friendly (though does demand cups of tea) until it's time to leave then she goes silent again. It's very strange.

She hates her job and all her coworkers, and once had a huge sobbing rant about how everyone else got flowers on their desk for their birthday. She didn't. BECAUSE SHE TOOK ANNUAL LEAVE ON HER BIRTHDAY.

It's DH's birthday tomorrow, she visited yesterday and didn't bring his card or present - she always does this. We won't see her for a while now and the next time we do she will make a snide comment about how we are only visiting to make sure dh gets his present. I'm fairly sure he can live without a random ornament bought from a tourist gift shop, a belt buckle with no belt or an anti snoring device with pieces missing - all examples of gifts she has given him in the past.

My ex MIL was great, in contrast! Still get on with her now even though her son and I don't speak.

And my own mum has plenty of odd traits which I'm sure my DH could talk about at length! Not least her weird reality TV fixation. She always tuts at the concept of reality TV but she is glued to things like The Voice or I'm a Celebrity, because they're "different" apparently. We tell her all the time we don't watch them and have no interest but she will always say "ooh did you catch the voice last night?" "no mum, we don't watch it" "oh well, there was this girl who sang.. " and then proceeds to not only give us a minute by minute run-through of the show, but also put it on iplayer for us to watch...

Mine is both frustrating and controlling, but kind and helpful in equal measures.

It's very easy to just focus on the negatives and ignore the good bits and for the first few years of my marriage I did just that and I could tell you hair raising stories about her behaviour.

But the other side of it is that she's always there if I need help with the kids, she's very generous with her time and money and she loves my kids as much as I do.

I had to change my own mindset to see this and the difference is amazing. I'm not simmering with resentment or taking it out on my husband.

Oh my god oldjack what did you say to her??

I think if I described some of the things MIL did/said it might actually out her and me. I don't know anyone else like her- she would probably take that as a compliment as she's obsessed with being wild and crazy but sadly it just comes across as a bit desperate. She's very fake, a huge gossip, used to getting her own way, absolute queen of the guilt trip.
But she's also very sweet and absolutely dotes on her children and GCs. And she's done a lot for us, so most of the time I can let things slide and just love her.
Everyone who has serious struggles with their PILs, have my every sympathy.

My mil ensures everyone eats but offers me NOTHING. We visit with dps children who often bring a McDonald's with them to eat as they are incredibly fussy. She will then offer DP a sandwich, some stew etc then proceeds to serve up one portion for him despite there being loads left. Dp and I have argued about this countless times as I feel she should feed both or none at all. He thinks it's fine because he offers to share his portion with me while mil looks on with cats bum mouth

We were invited for Xmas dinner a couple of years ago. She asked us to arrive at a certain time. We were 5 mins late due to bumping into a friend but when we got there she has already eaten and washed up the plates so had obviously started way before the time we were supposed to arrive. The second year she reluctantly agreed to wait for us but had just installed a tv above the table. She put me under the tv and everyone else in front of it so everyone aside from me sat watching it. I refuse to go there for Xmas now.

Another time we were taking her for a meal for her birthday. She knew this was happenning and said she wanted to go. When we arrived to pick her up she said she has just eaten her dinner as she was hungry so was not coming anymore.

She ignores me often and ignores my Ds a lot of the time. Used to have a great relationship with dps ex but now refers to her as an alcoholic in front of the kids because her and her new partner have parties at home and drink wine some evenings. And when dsd was lippy at school and was given isolation for refusing to attend the detention she had been given for it she went down to the school to rage at them about it.

She is admittedly a caring and kind nan but as a mil she is horrible

My MIL has really disappointed me recently. DP (her son) has been experiencing quite severe depression recently and I told her on the day he made a suicide attempt that I was at the end of my tether and he could do with help from his mum and she said she couldn't get involved because 'it makes her ill'. It's not nice to deal with, no, but the severity of my DP's condition should surely take precedence over your own personal comfort?
Needless to say now DP is feeling better, he hasn't been in contact. He is absolutely heartbroken his own mum refused to help him.
It's also helped him to realise that it was always him instigating contact. She hardly ever visited us, only ever us visiting her.

Prior to this, I'd thought of her as a really lovely woman. Kind, selfless, funny and a brilliant grandmother to DD. I still think all this but the fact she couldn't give her son the comfort he needed has somewhat muddied my, and more importantly his, view of her. Which is really sad.

I love my MIL too. We have no local support, both work FT and can always rely on her in an emergency.

She does on occasion rub me up the wrong way but considerably less so than my own family

Mine is very talented at being nasty and sneaky. She would never utter a word against me, or anyone else, but she cleverly sets her adult children up to have a complete bitch fest and then she sits back and enjoys.

This Christmas I did something helpful and she said to my DH 'next time people are saying bad things about icky, I won't stand for it' - I responded 'that would have been great about 10 years ago'

DH can't see that she is the root of his many many many family problems. His siblings don't see it either, but as an outsider I am amazed by her power.

She can't stand me, but we only see her once or twice a year.

We have nothing to do with my MIL. She is a cold, selfish, idle, dirty woman, who cares not a jot for her son or our children.

When I was expecting, I handed her my pregnancy scan photo as a surprise with a big smile. There was silence, no smile, no "ooooh" or "aaaaah" - absolutely nothing . I thought that perhaps she didn't know what she was seeing (she did, I was 3 months gone, so the picture showed a fully formed baby!) and had to prompt her for a response. I got a "hmmmmm" and she handed it back.

She told me that my baby son (less than a year old) "likes violence" because he used to stop and watch a certain advert with zooming cartoons and a catchy tune. Nothing violent about it at all.

She showed no enthusiasm or grandmotherly delight for a picture my DD drew her, which took her ages and she was so excited about giving it to her. MIL took the picture, looked at it, said "hmmm, yes" and put it on the table. No thank you, nothing. The look on little DD's face crushed me and I had a hard time holding my tongue and my rage.

When I mentioned to DH that MIL only ever contacted him if she needed something doing and her other children couldn't do it for her, he realised and we decided not to contact her or visit, just to see how long it would take for her to just want to see us. That was over 10 years ago - she's never phoned, texted, or visited in that time. She only lives 5 minutes' drive away.

The loss is entirely hers. She has missed my DC's childhood and their love, and she cannot abuse my DH's kindness and compassionate nature.

When we last saw her, her home was utterly filthy. She has never been houseproud in the slightest, and the worst was the state of the toilet. Defies description! I refused to let the DC use it as it was that disgusting. And I would give a heave or two when seeing the state of the kitchen.