Catering for vegetarians at a house-warming party, do I need to provide separate food?

[IslandCanary]

Everyone is bringing a dish, so far most of these contain meat/fish (apart from the salad) as we're doing tapas-style.

One couple have just told me they are vegetarian.

Do I need to ask everyone to bring vegetarian dishes instead? Or is it ok to just provide some salad/rice and let them bring a dish they can eat? I don't want them to feel excluded.

I find most vegetarian food bland and unpleasant and would rather have meat/fish dishes to cater for the majority (I'm planning to make spicy chicken wings, someone else is bringing meatballs, another is bringing battered tempura prawns, crispy squid, vegetable risotto etc.

If I need to provide more veggie options does anyone have any ideas?

pearly

I think it's interesting that you criticise maidofstars for her views (not all of which I agree with myself, btw) and yet are happy to say that you think people who are vegetarian for religious reasons have chosen to be religious and therefore their food preferences do not trump yours.

*Although I was a little irritated when we had new people over as part of a large group for Sunday lunch and when asked she told me she didn't eat dairy or eggs, I dutifully complied, then she proceeded to smother her pudding in HOME-MADE FUCKING CUSTARD (I had provided alternatives).

(Turns out she did eat them - just preferred to avoid them, unless she really fancied it - grrr).*

Does anyone remember that come dine with me episode where one of the diners was a vegetarian. Until the host served steak. He then requested the steak even though there wasn't enough because he was supposed to be a veggie. The host gave up her own steak for him but was unimpressed

Well that's an interesting tangent

My view is people do choose to be religious.

Well that's a can of worms that will add more fuel to the thread!

So basically you should suck it up and eat the mushrooms because your choice is not coming from a place of high moral stance
Nice, and false, extrapolation there.

That's great hound, but it gets a bit awkward at social gatherings if you're quizzing your host as to what is homemade v. shop bought.

Or worse , when they've made best efforts to cater but just fallen short. I remember a friend making brandy snap cheesecake desserts with the thought they were making a gf free pudding but they'd bought the brandy snap baskets, and bought ones contain wheat. And so you have to say thanks for the effort, but I can't eat it!

That's great hound, but it gets a bit awkward at social gatherings if you're quizzing your host as to what is homemade v. shop bought.

Or worse , when they've made best efforts to cater but just fallen short. I remember a friend making brandy snap cheesecake desserts with the thought they were making a gf free pudding but they'd bought the brandy snap baskets, and bought ones contain wheat. And so you have to say thanks for the effort, but I can't eat it!

surely you would prefer as much vegetarian food as possible to be consumed by as many people as possible so that the animals are not consumed
Perhaps you've missed the main jist of the thread, which is that all the vegetarian food gets consumed anyway.

I didn't see that one Need, I often like to think what I'd cook if I was on CDWM, but can never decide as it's always either a group who have very basic tastes and moan about everything or a group with much broader tastes who then moan the the other menus were not 'fine dining' or 'gourmet' enough.

I can never quite decide how I'd strike the balance of making it interesting enough for adventurous palates without alienating some of the other diners.

I generally settle on a fantasy menu of classics, perfectly executed (mind you, there's always some fucker who likes their meat cooked to the point of carbonisation).

(I possibly think about it too much).

But Maid you did say
"Yes. You are doing it whimsically (because, judging by this thread, you don't hold a deep-rooted belief about vegetarianism) whereas I am doing it from genuine conviction that this is the most ethical way to live. "

And your "genuine conviction" is more important than anyone else's reason to eat the vegetarian choice.

Your "ethical conviction" that somehow elevates you to head of the dinner queue is a subjective view you have of yourself.

I can see that Bike, it must be bloody annoying and quite fraught to put your health in the hands of others who are not as necessarily vigilant as you (although bought brandy snap baskets is a bit of a school-girl error that could have been EASILY avoided).

Maybe it's because I love cooking and am very aware of what's going into food, I imagine if you weren't so keen you wouldn't have such in-depth knowledge.

But I think that's one of the keys of good hosting isn't it? Put all the work in behind the scenes and beforehand to ensure ALL your guests are comfortable, happy and catered for.

When was the OP last seen, I think she may have scarpered in fear!

In my view, if half of your guests are vegetarian, then at least three quarters of the food should be vegetarian. We work on this principle when ordering food for work buffets etc, and it seems to work well.

That sounds good to me. Cater half vegetarian and the other half to the proportions within the guests, perhaps. And heavily over cater, just in case.

The last big party I catered, I knew some vegetarians were coming, so it was sort of easier to have everything vegetarian unless it was 100% meat (a ham and a cold roast beef iirc). When FIL a confirmed meat eater starts his plate with a big slice of two types of meat, he will then happily fill it with entirely vegetarian salads (green, potato, bean, tomato, pasta) and have a little pick at the cheeseboard too.

More complicated was my gluten-free egg-free vegetarian. Less so the food itself and more the strategic placing of serving spoons to avoid contamination.

People mostly forget that puddings aren't necessarily vegetarian, also sweets at party pick'n'mix. DH's cousin was most impressed when I said I'd made some vegetarian mince pies at the family Christmas party. She had been politely feigning fullness until that point.

DH is a meat lover. The DC and I eat largely vegetarian when he is away.

Actually in this case a lack of knowledge would have been helpful. Someone who didn't know how to make brandy snap baskets themselves may have checked ingredients on a box rather than assumed they had the same ingredients as the ones they made at home

Re me being a pescatarian

I was a pescatarian for 12 years, and a vegetarian for 20 years then about 5 years ago i ate fish occasionally when on holiday abroad and about a year ago i started eating fish once or twice a week. Trying to lose weight and was struggling with cheese

I do feel quilty about it to be honest, i would like to stop again and i think i probably will...even if i stick with eating it on holiday

Generally still go for the veggie option, fish is a default

"The only pescatarian I know uses this argument - he could kill a fish, but not a land animal, with his bare hands. I asked him when the last time he wrestled with a swordfish was wink"

It's not really an argument, just an explanation of why Juggling feels the way she does about what she eats. There is no obligation on her or your fish-wrestling friend to persuade you of the unimpeachable rightness of their positions. They're just living their lives by principles that make sense to them, same as most people do.

And also, if you're a vegetarian because you don't want animals to be consumed, surely you would prefer as much vegetarian food as possible to be consumed by as many people as possible so that the animals are not consumed?

Why not ask your DH? He sounds like quite an expert on how vegetarians should behave.

Maybe it's because I love cooking and am very aware of what's going into food, I imagine if you weren't so keen you wouldn't have such in-depth knowledge.

yy Hound - if you say "the brownie is gf, I made it with cornflour and chocolate, but watch out for the flapjack because it's normal oats" or "the rice for the salad was boiled in Marigold, don't worry" then it shows you actually know what the likely pitfalls are.

I save wrappers for people too. DM has multiple serious food intolerances so I know she feels safer if she can check the list for herself.

Bike, I meant more in a way that bought ingredients should always be checked as they have all kinds of extraneous ingredients in that you wouldn't put in at home, which is what I'm very aware of having catered for a vegan BIL for 20 years.

See what you mean though!

And your "genuine conviction" is more important than anyone else's reason to eat the vegetarian choice.

No. That's not what I said. You're extrapolating.

Imagine me and you and our now somewhat entrenched contrived positions, eyeing up the last piece of vegetarian pie at the buffet. And imagine we are openly discussing our thought processes.

Your stated position here is that you don't have any reason other than whimsically fancying a bit on the day to pick the vegetarian piece and because you know I want it. I think the benefit to you isn't balanced by the cost to me and I would suggest that my conviction trumps your preference in this case.

If your stated position had been choosing the vegetarian piece of pie because you can't stomach the mushrooms in the meat pie, I'd recognise that we both have similar "entitlement" to the last vegetarian piece, with equal cost:benefit. I'd offer to split or, more likely because I'm polite and try to indulge people who have genuine feelings about stuff, insist you have it.

If you state the latter position, but are actually holding the former, you'd win your piece of vegetarian pie. I'd never know, unless you actually said to me "Oooh, it's lovely, I just fancied a try", which happens surprisingly often

So no, I wouldn't force Yellow to eat the chicken and mushroom pie. She's more likely to be forced to run away from me as I try to give her my piece of pie. So quit with this snarky "You think you're better than everyone else" shit.

Findo There is no obligation on her or your fish-wrestling friend to persuade you of the unimpeachable rightness of their positions
I was joking with my friend and relaying that here.

"Your stated position here is that you don't have any reason other than whimsically fancying a bit on the day to pick the vegetarian piece and because you know I want it."

Straw man.
You know nothing about the reasons for my choices.

Its interesting to read all the comments from veggies about not getting enough veggie food at the buffet.

As a consious meat reducer/veggie lover I tend to err towards the veggie options (but obviously, if in a smaller group including veggies make sure they get enough).

There is a slightly odd attitude displayed by some on here, though of course not all, that non-vegetarians are committed carnivores, which is just not true.

That said, the one time I was responsible for organising catering for a large, professional event (150 people) I went with 2/3 veggie 1/3 meat/fish with 15% of attendees claiming they were vegetarian. And I got complaints from some meat eaters at the back that there wasn't any meat options left!!! I even got 'feedback' from my manager about it, after a bitch vegetarian colleague pointed it out repeatedly. Grrrrr....

Following this thread, if ever in the same position again, I will just up the fucking ante and make it 3/4 vegetarian. Someone is always going to complain anyway.

Yeah, people who choose not to have animals killed on their behalf are shockingly selfish.

Hmm, I have no idea whatsoever why vegetarians are sometimes perceived as sanctimonious...

Going back to the thing about an omnivore host catering for veggie guests by serving a veggie-only meal but not wanting to cater for omnivore guests by serving a meal that includes a meat dish - note, A meat dish, ONE, not a table groaning with huge plates of different meats - sorry, but that's hypocritical. Your omnivore host will have catered for your choice of vegetarian-only food at your meals and it would be rude to not in return cater for their choice to have a meat dish at their meals. As well (and I know this from experience having to change up 'on the fly' for a SIL who suddenly decided she was vegetarian), your omnivore host will probably have had to change up recipes for some dishes that use meat or poultry stock (and then listen to complaints after the meal from asshat in-laws about the dish "tasting different" for everyone else) and specially make or buy in vegetable broth and other ingredients so as to have no meat products in them, so it's not just a matter of "whip together a veggie lasagne" - my tomato sauce has beef stock in it, as an example. If you truly, truly cannot get past your ethical issues to purchase and cook meat, that's fine and it is your absolute right, but then don't accept dinner invitations that you know you will refuse to take the trouble to reciprocate properly.

" I think the benefit to you isn't balanced by the cost to me and I would suggest that my conviction trumps your preference in this case."

What an entitled view.

As an aside this thread is making me sad as we've just relocated and I don't have enough friends (read any yet) in our new area to invite loads of people over for a big convivial sunday lunch.

It's my favourite thing in the whole world, so should any of you want to pop round next week I promise to cater for all known requirements .