photos of my DC on FB

[wannabehippyandcrazycatlover]

I really don't know if IABU so will happily take a flaming if needs be.

My SIL posted some photos of my DC (with an overly emotional post) on FB today and didn't ask if it would be okay and didn't tag either her DB or me in them.

Am I right to feel a little miffed? I don't really post many photos and I have no idea who can see SIL posts (I know she has random guys from tinder on there).

We don't know how our use of today's social media will affect our lives in the future. So asking what bad things you expect to happen, when no one can foresee what WILL happen, is a bit shortsighted.

Personally, I don't put any pics of my kids up because I think they should get a say in the matter and they're too little to do that now.

i put pics up but they are limited as to who can see them

'Madam Prime Minister, you say you're opposed to low wages and animal cruelty, but your mother posted at 11:23am on your 3rd birthday and you are clearly in a McDonalds who are known for underpaying staff and then on that same day you are captioned as affectionately patting the family cat when you are in fact, holding it in place by its tail. How can we trust anything you say?'

I don't post pictures and I expect others to respect this. I agree with itinerary. We don't know what will become of social media, no other generation has had it since their conception. It might be nothing. Perhaps it will remain a normal part of life. It doesn't matter, I want privacy for my children and me. I prefer the idea that they can choose what they share of themselves when they can (I'm sure I'll disapprove but hopefully I'll have the grace to do it quietly). I'd be incredibly uncomfortable if I walked into the town centre and found a billboard with multiple pictures of my kids and identifying information. I don't think Facebook is really any different to this.

freeto be blunt, my fear is paedophiles

But what do you think they'll do with a picture of your child at a birthday party (for example)?

While I'm not too worried about paedophiles, recently a lawyer friend was defending a paedophile who downloads pictures of kids that have been taken from family sharing online and there is a market for general child images.

YANBU. I don't like others posting pictures of my children either. They are not their children so they should ask.

Urgh my sister does this. Comes over, takes one photo, posts it on Fb gushing on about her amazing nephew and niece and how in love and adorable they are etc etc. Then she ignores them. I post the odd pic but I can't stand the excessive posts especially when it's a complete lie!

YANBU.

Children today have almost zero privacy thanks to social media. It is up to us - their parents - to protect their privacy until they are old enough to decide if they want to engage/have pics of themselves online. For all to see. Forever.

There are no pics of my DC online. A friend once posted some & it was really embarrassing having to tell ask her politely to remove them.

YANBU, this sort of thing pisses me off. My brother did the same with my eldest daughter without permission. I asked him to take them down politely (he mixes with some right dodgy people) I don't want my daughter's photographs plastered all over his fb page. He refused so I reported it to facebook and they removed them within 12 hours. 12 hours too long for them to be there but at least they were removed.

Ask her to remove them, if she refuses then report the photo's to fb (there is an option for photo's of my children without my consent - or something along those lines).

This

I post pictures of my nieces and nephews. Their parents do too. All our privacy settings are maxed out and I have a pretty carefully curated friends list (ie people I am actually friends with/related to rather than some bloke I worked with 10 years ago). My nieces and nephews are a big part of my life, I spend time with them, babysit, take them out for treats etc and sometimes share that with a picture. It's never occurred to me to ask if it's ok, I'm thinking now perhaps I should have. I always tag the parents and they tend to 'like' them and comment so I think they're fine with it.

But if they ever mentioned not being comfortable or asked me to remove anything I'd do it without question. YANBU as its your preference, although it's only fair to make that known to her so she knows in future.

I don't think "What bad things are you expecting to happen?" is really relevant. It's about the choice of privacy. Today's culture is becoming more and more open as everyone wants their 15 minutes fame, and there's more surveillance too. Just because you don't want to join in with that, it doesn't mean you are anticipating something bad or have anything to hide. It is, quite simply, a valid choice that should be respected.

^^ this. I know that bad people do bad things with photos but it's not necessarily paedophiles. People who mock children and turn them into memes (the one above for example, while not showing the child's face, someone out there knows it's their child under there) is another risk.

For me though it's also because my in-laws would act like it's their "right" to do it. "Their" niece or nephew, "their" photo... so they get a say in whether it gets posted or not? I would be extremely disturbed to walk down the street and have some random say "oh i recognise that baby!"

End of the day, it's also a sign that they aren't respecting our/my choice. If I ask you not to, don't. Whether there's a reason or not, whether you agree with me or not. Respect the choice.

I hate that Aunts/Uncles aren't allowed to show off their new nieces and/or nephews without worrying what the parents will say.

If you had a photo of them in your purse would you not show them? Meh

If your privacy settings are only to include friends , then fine.

If pictures of your children are being shared without your permission, then obviously you can say you don't like it.

I'm not particularly precious about my page, all my kids are on there. but mostly the cat

You'd show a photo in your purse to people you actually knew though. And you wouldn't let them take it & run off a few hundred copies or draw on it & pass it around everyone they knew for a laugh. Or put it up on a billboard with nasty comments underneath. Or hang onto it for the future to show people who were snooping on them. Or - worst case- pass it to a paedophile ring along with details of where they could be found.

CEOP training & talking with kids about their experiences of online bullying has left me pretty wary of social media.

YANBU. I would tell SIL to take the photos down immediately. I don't agree with posting any photos of DC on Facebook but at least if you're posting them on your own page, you can control the audience. If your SIL is posting them, you have no control and randoms could see photos of your DC. She sounds a bit bonkers anyway with the OTT post about being BFFs with a 5 mo old.

Tell her to take them down.

NotGonnaAnswerThePhone no-one is saying that they're not allowed to show people photos (the fact it's also their niece/nephew does NOT trump "parent"), what we're saying is they should consider the parents wishes and abide by them. They should ASK "are you okay with me putting photos on FB?" however, in this very selfish and entitled world, the parents seem to be the ones that need to tell because the default is "I have a photo so I can do what I want with it".

"Back in the day" there would be actual photos, people didn't have cell phones snapping pictures at the drop of a hat and parents wouldn't need to worry about people sharing the photos with the entire world.