Dd insisting on a babysitter

[Dancergirl]

I have 3 dds, aged nearly 15, 13 and 9. We've used babysitters up to about a year ago when we thought our oldest was sensible enough to babysit and she was happy doing so.

It sort of worked for a while but youngest dd would sometimes get very upset or anxious and we would have tearful phone calls from her - I really miss you, when you are coming home etc....

We had a chat with her about it and she says her older sisters get cross with her. This is exaggerated by the sounds of it, they might get a bit irritated by her insistence on calling us. Dd3 says she feels more comfortable with an adult babysitter so in the last few weeks that is what we have done.

But it seems a bit OTT to pay £25 to someone to sit there all evening. Older two don't particularly like having someone else there and can't understand why dd3 is being like this.

I just don't know, shall I put my foot down and say to dd this is how it's going to be and you'll stay with your sisters?

I babysit for a family and the eldest daughter is 15 , then 12, then 9. The eldest would be perfectly capable of babysitting but the youngest 2 have said they feel nervous being without a grown up. To be honest when I am there I barely see the eldest daughter or sometimes she goes out to friends the youngest two I watch movies with until bed time.

I also sometimes don't think it's fair to put such responsibility on the eldest if she doesn't feel ready for it.

Do your older children pick on your youngest and exclude her in normal family life?

That's how my sisters were with me and I hated the eldest being in charge. If dynamics are an issue anyway it's hardly surprising your youngest is stressed out by it, I used to be.

YABU.

You essentially are paying them to be nice to their sister then?

"they are adamant they are kind"

Yes, so were my siblings.

Wow, some people are really coming down hard on my oldest dd.

every I'm sorry you had a hard time with your sisters growing up but this doesn't necessarily mean that is what is going on here.

I'm not paying them to be nice to dd, I'm offering a bit of an incentive to make an EXTRA effort to ensure things run smoothly.

My older two are actually pretty honest about their actions generally, e.g. with friends they will admit if they were in the wrong or if they could have handled situations differently.

And no, they don't 'pick' on dd3.

I pay my 15 extra if he is nice. He knows I will ask the 13 and 9 year old how he has been. Works v well

This takes me back. I'm the eldest of 3 and used to be responsible when my parents went out. The youngest was a nightmare, rude, defiant, refusing to do as she was told because "you're not mummy!"

Then my parents started paying me (the same amount as if have got to babysit anywhere else) and the youngest two kicked off saying why should I be paid? Then they paid all three of us but I was still in charge.

Everything about it was deeply unfair. I was made to feel there was something wrong with me being in charge, with telling the others what to do, with being paid and I didn't have any choice about it.

You know your youngest and I don't but it sounds as though she may have a case of the drama queens. Take what she says with a pinch of salt.