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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fed up of being called fat at work

71 replies

tortoiserock · 04/04/2016 10:01

I'm worried everyone will have a go at me for being ageist and I'm not but I do a bit of work with elderly people and they do comment on weight all the time AIBU to be fed up with it?

OP posts:

Topseyt · 04/04/2016 16:41

I have struggled with my weight for most of my adult life and it has see-sawed up and down because of a thyroid problem which very likely went undiagnosed for years. I now seem to be stuck at a size that is too big. I am very sensitive about it.

You should not have to put up with such remarks. Is it always the same individuals each time? Tell them that you find such personal remarks upsetting and would appreciate it if they could refrain in future. If they persist then do you have a manager you could confide in.

I try to never judge anyone by their size. I know what it is like. Maddening.

LordoftheTits · 04/04/2016 16:41

SetPhasersTaeMalkie

I love your username, that's one of my favourite sketches ever

oliviaclottedcream · 04/04/2016 18:03

shovetheholly fair enough. I still think you've managed to squeeze in a bit of man-bashing there though, when it wasn't really applicable.

I'm became a feminist too because I hated chauvinism. I still do.

WetLettuce123 · 04/04/2016 18:13

It definitely is a generational thing. Older people just "say what they see" and I don't think any harm is ever mentioned. I know it's not nice but can you laugh it off and challenge their comments in a jokey way so there's no ill will? What about "carry on calling me that and I'll be calling you baldy... I think we'd both prefer to keep to our proper names don't you?" Sorry that's a bit lame but is anything like that an option? It is rude but in my experience never rudely meant.

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 18:20

Ive lost 10 stone going from a size 28 down to a 12/14.

I used to get nasty comments in the street from men. I dont anymore Now i just see posters on here saying that my current size is fat and i do wonder what the agenda behind it is sometimes.

I dont get it off women in RL ......just on here.

fakenamefornow · 04/04/2016 18:33

I think the poster up thread is right that actually it's much less acceptable to comment on somebody's weight these days even if it's just a factual comment. I heard a doctor on the radio a while ago saying somebody put in an official complaint because she'd described them as fat during a consultant about a weight related condition.

GingerLeaves · 04/04/2016 18:50

YANBU

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 04/04/2016 20:35

Ah thanks Lord. It's up there with the lift sketch as one of my favourites.

MeredithFrampton · 04/04/2016 21:47

If so, it could be generational as people that age (largely) used to watch their weight - especially women - and to get overweight was seen as a moral failing.

Perhaps that's why people were generally a healthy weight then, and now 64% of the UK population is overweight or obese.

I'm not going to be joining in with the condemnation on this thread of that attitude. Yes, the remarks are rude, and no one should be commenting on other people's appearance, but actually there's nothing wrong with the idea that 'watching your weight' is a positive thing to do.

IAmNotAMindReader · 04/04/2016 22:51

I'm in a foul mood tonight and where usually I would say just smile sweetly and ignore or ask if they meant to be so rude, tonight I would retort back in a saccharin tone " Never mind dear, you'll soon be dead then it won't bother you"

Nasty I know but I'm sticking 2 fingers up to the world tonight.

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 22:56

Oh you poor thing. It's not acceptable and many older people will say it. Sometimes this is due to conditions but very often it's just a lack of giving a fuck

When I was at my biggest (13 stone 5'5) I had a patient randomly say to me - in the middle of me explaining her treatment plan - "oh your a big chubby girl aren't you. Oh but not as big as her, points to HCA she's massive. Sorry what was that, a new medication?".

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 23:02

When i hit 13 stone while coming down from 21 stone i got nothing but compliments and im 5 foot 5 I guess its down to perception.

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 23:08

Perhaps because they'd seen you at a bigger size Helena, like you said perception?

Surgical stubs also aren't very flattering

MissMoo22 · 04/04/2016 23:13

My Dad (hitting 70) always asks if I want sugar in my tea and when I say yes he says 'that's why you're so fat then'. Cheeky bugger. I think if it is a very close relative then sometimes it's not the worst thing in the world as they're just stating the obvious really BUT if anyone else commented on my weight I would either a) be so embarrassed and cry right then and there or b) if I had my big girls pants on I would hoik them up and tell them Id rather be fat than so disgustingly rude.

Weight does seem to be such an issue for some people though and they seem to think it's fine to discuss other people's weight just because they have it in their heads that they have every right to judge.

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 23:16

Grays its strangers who say it to me ......ppl ive never met before who didnt know me when i was bigger.

I get men asking me out frequently Its like running the gauntlet in our local Tesco.

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 23:18

Ive told strangers i used to be 21 stone and ive got different reactions from "you look amazing " right up to "i dont believe you"

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 23:21

That's brilliant Helena! Perhaps it's a confidence thing then? I know I was very low in confidence at that point so I maybe I made myself look worse because I was so uneasy. I might just be making things up but perhaps your confidence shone through and it really is a beautiful thing to see and makes people light up.

Or maybe you've got one of them nice faces that are lovely and I've got my mum's jowel cheeks whenever I put extra weight on

HelenaDove · 04/04/2016 23:39

Im sure you dont have jowel cheeks Greys

GraysAnalogy · 04/04/2016 23:45

Thank you I do see some resemblance in me and my bulldog when I have the extra weight though haha.

I have a colleague who is overweight by a large amount but her face is that of someone quarter her weight. Isn't it odd how it distributes! She complains because she's on tinder and feels she can't post just a face pic 'coz they're in for a big bloody surprise when they see the rest of the package'

Helena do you mind me asking, do you feel better 'in yourself' now? Please ignore if that's too personal. It's just I feel much better but also struggle with setting a goal and being happy with it if you get me

HelenaDove · 05/04/2016 00:41

Yes i do feel better I have a v. small waist Can wear size 12 fitted skirts. a 32 back size in bras but an HH cup . My bra fitter called me a brunette version of Christina Hendricks.

HelenaDove · 05/04/2016 00:43

Be happy with who you are. I know its easier said than done but confidence is key. And i dont set weight goals scales wise Im used to eating healthily now and just see weight loss as a happy outcome of that.

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