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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell her to fuck off for a bit

26 replies

AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/04/2016 06:57

My mother is due to visit today. She lives a few hundred miles away and has a habit of driving overnight and arriving ridiculously early like 7am so I expect the doorbell to ring any minute now.
Trouble is we are all getting over illnesses (which she knows about) and DD was awake for about 3 hours last night as she's still not 100% well.
So WIBU to text mother and ask her to go and breakfast in a local cafe and come to us no earlier than 8am or would that be mean?

OP posts:
GooodMythicalMorning · 03/04/2016 06:59

it'd be mean at this time. id have said last night so she'd have some warning. (even though you don't get this courtesy!) in general though yes tell her.

Sirzy · 03/04/2016 07:00

Seems a bit mean at this point. You should have phoned her last night and asked her to come later

ThisWasCrownjewel · 03/04/2016 07:00

Not mean at all - who arrives before 8am on a Sunday?! Not even the next door neighbour Knocks at my door before 8am at weekends.
Hope you're all feeling better soon.

AppleSetsSail · 03/04/2016 07:03

That sounds horrible but I think you'd be mean to send her away after she drove through the night to see you. Which, by the way, sounds terrifically unsafe - surely she's at risk of falling asleep at the wheel? How strange.

Fleck · 03/04/2016 07:03

Has she got a key? Could you text and ask her to let herself in and make herself breakfast (quietly!) as you all need some extra sleep?

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/04/2016 07:12

Dear God no she doesn't have a key otherwise she'd be letting herself in at random times.
She prefers to drive at night when roads are quieter.
I know I sound mean but we don't have a great relationship to start with (long back story I won't bore you with) and her turning up at silly o clock on our only days off has always been an issue!
Dodnt contact her yesterday evening as we were ok then, just DD was awake midnight til about 3:30am which has meant we are all tired this morning.

OP posts:
Lighteningirll · 03/04/2016 07:14

Say hi we've had a really bad night you know where the kitchen is can you see to dd and go back to bed.

Youarentkiddingme · 03/04/2016 07:17

I wouldn't bother for an hour.

It may have been better o text her at 3.39 to say DD just resettled can you make it 9am.

Or - when she turns up, chuck her DD for quality time and you o and sleep some more!

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/04/2016 07:18

No way that would be allowed lighteningirll
She wild deem that "highly rude and antisocial" and throw a major tantrum.
I couldn't leave her unsupervised either as she would rearrange kitchen and snoop through paperwork!

OP posts:
Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/04/2016 07:22

Oh I'm too chicken to ring her.
Kids and DH are awake now so we may as well get up and get ready for the royal visit Confused

OP posts:
Buddahbelly · 03/04/2016 07:25

Oh god i feel for you, my dad constantly does this and it drives me mad, I have to get up earlier than him to text him to say ds has been up through the night and were exhausted so pls make it half 9 or 10 instead of 7.30 on a sunday, which then defeats the point of me trying to get some sleep as im already awake.

I have no advice as i haven't figured it out myself yet but you have my sympathy.

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/04/2016 07:27

Thanks Buddahbelly it's good to hear from someone who understands.
Must get off MN now and get in the shower, her ladyship will be here soon

OP posts:
MattDillonsPants · 03/04/2016 08:01

You have my sympathy too! Why do you put up with it? I don't mean early visits but with a Mother that you can't ask a normal thing of? You should be able to ask her to come in and make herself tea etc and to be useful for you...not to upset you all!

I suppose you know that a normal Mother would wash the dishes, make breakfast for everyone and then be a handy help for her visit.

Bluetrews25 · 03/04/2016 08:10

I was going to say answer the door in PJs and looking half asleep, and whisper that the kids are still in bed, to give her the message she has arrived antisocially early.
Is she thoughtless or self-centred? Can you tell her next time that you will be up and ready to receive visitors any time after 10am, not before?

diddl · 03/04/2016 08:25

It's her decision to drive overnight, but then she can't expect people to be up & welcoming if it's inconvenient to them.

Best would be if people are in bed that she could get in & get some rest herself imo!

diddl · 03/04/2016 08:27

Forgot to say that I think that it would have been rude to say something now, but when you first knew that she was travelling, it would be OK to say not to turn up before 8/8.30, whatever suits you.

LittleLionMansMummy · 03/04/2016 08:30

Invite her in and ask her to look after your dd while you have some time to yourself, a nice bath or whatever. That's what I'd do if I was getting over illness and ds had been awake in the night and tbh my mum would be fine with that or wouldn't turn up at ridiculous o'clock.

2rebecca · 03/04/2016 08:31

Agree I would tell her not to arrive before 9.30 in future and would have stayed in night attire to show its too early. Do you have a partner? If so surprised he hasn't refused to play her game. She could easily stop at a cafe or service station near your end and read the paper for an hour

Greyponcho · 03/04/2016 08:31
2rebecca · 03/04/2016 08:34

Ones on main roads and motorways

Greyponcho · 03/04/2016 08:51

Good point, Rebecca... but they're horrible places far from pleasant... so it would be mean on this occasion to expect her to do it, but had the OP previously said/given more notice about not arriving so early, then sitting in somewhere like that would be the MIL's own fault.

Perhaps she just assumed she'd be welcome & as no one had mentioned it before, doesn't know her early arrival is such an issue maybe expects that having DC you'd be up early anyway?

bakeoffcake · 03/04/2016 08:56

My BIL arrives ridiculously early. We've taken to telling him he isn't welcome before 10 am. He's a selfish twat, because he's a very early riser he feels everyone else should fit into his plans.

As your mum is driving overnight I'd find it hard to tell her to wait around for an hour. But she sounds rather horrible and controlling Sad

I think you need to have a chat with your DH and come up with a plan of action to deal with her behaviour.

I do understand as my mum was the same. I was constantly treading on eggshells until I got a grip and decided I wasn't putting up with it anymore.

I hope the visit goes ok.

DartmoorDoughnut · 03/04/2016 08:59

Has her Ladyship arrived yet?! Personally I'd make sure we were all in our pjs still Grin

OliviaStabler · 03/04/2016 09:08

The problem is this has now become acceptable behaviour, her arriving very early. So if you say something now, she will of course be offended. Best to be clear next time about not arriving before a certain time. I think that is all you can do.

magoria · 03/04/2016 10:26

Text her to get breakfast stuff and to make breakfast in bed for you all when she arrives Grin

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