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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

57 replies

AuntieDiluvial · 01/04/2016 09:19

50th birthday today.

Dh gave me a paperback about the making of Dads' Army. The same book he sent FIL for his birthday last week.

Then went very quiet when I laughed at the April Fools joke I assumed he was playing on me. Then left for work.

And I'm supposed to be cheerful and jolly for everyone else, about an event that does not thrill me in the least.

OP posts:
Caprinihahahaha · 01/04/2016 09:22

What event are you supposed to be cheerful about? Do you mean your birthday?
If he gave you a dads army book then clearly he isn't expecting you to make a fuss about your fiftieth.

Happy birthday. Are you going to do anything to celebrate or would you rather ignore it?

PPie10 · 01/04/2016 09:22

Happy birthdayThanksCake----
That's very hurtful and disappointing. Hopefully he will surprise you with something better later.

sallyhasleftthebuilding · 01/04/2016 09:27

Happy Birthday.!

Send him an email with divorce papers unless a decent gift arrives later with a meal out!

Anyone visiting today?

Salmotrutta · 01/04/2016 09:29

Are you not happy about turning 50?

If so, does he know that?

Maybe he thinks that you don't want a fuss if you aren't over the moon about being 50?

Salmotrutta · 01/04/2016 09:30

So essentially I've repeated what Caprinihaha said Grin

JuxtapositionRecords · 01/04/2016 09:31

Maybe he will give you your real gift later...?

OpenMe · 01/04/2016 09:35

Have there been mixed messages? You've said you're not excited, don't want a fuss etc and then when you got what you wanted...

How does he usually do for birthdays?

Who says you're "supposed" to be cheerful and jolly about it?

Veterinari · 01/04/2016 09:36

There's a difference between not wanting a fuss so your DH gets you a low key, thoughtful gift, and him giving you a 2-for1 paperback on a topic you're not interested in because he doesn't give a shite!

Is he usually so thoughtless OP?

Goingtobeawesome · 01/04/2016 09:50

Happy birthday 💐🎉🎂🍷

You don't have to be jolly. Your husband is a prat and needs telling.

londonrach · 01/04/2016 09:53

Happy birthday 🎈🎈🎈🎈🎊🎊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎊🎈🎈🎊🍰🍰🍰🍰

wheelofapps · 01/04/2016 09:53

Even if you are not wanting a 'fuss' made about this Birthday (Happy Birthday!)...

It would have been better to have given you a cuddle and asked: 'is there anything special you would like to do / receive / eat or would you rather just pretend today wasn't happening, my darling?'

Giving you a 2 for 1 paperback on a subject of no interest is verging on the offensive.

SmallBee · 01/04/2016 09:54

What Vetinari said.
Even if you don't want a big fuss it doesn't mean you want a shit gift. Do you even like Dads Army?

MushroomMama · 01/04/2016 09:54

I'd go and treat yourself to something for your birthday! I always find birthdays a massive anti climax :(

MaisieDotes · 01/04/2016 09:57

I have found there's only one way to deal with this type of thing which is to explain the problem in detail.

I.e thanks for the book but I'm actually pretty disappointed. It's clear you picked up two copies when you were shopping for your dad. That makes me feel that I'm not worth any extra thought on your part. Was it your intention to make me feel that way?

Go and buy yourself a decent present too.

Original poster
AuntieDiluvial · 01/04/2016 09:59

I wouldn't mind so much if the book had been a genuine April Fools, but from his reaction to my reaction I think it was not. I do like DA, and will find the book interesting, but FFS!

He wants us all to go to Pizza Express this evening, because we have Tesco vouchers. If we're going out for my birthday, I want to dress up and go somewhere vaguely fancy - make a real treat of it.

He says I should have a birthday party. Ok, let's hire a hall, I say. There's a really good one nearby that cost £25/hour. Let's have it at home, he says. But I don't want the hassle of all the prep and tidying up. Why do I have to organise my own party?

Why is he being so cheap about it all? It's not as if we can't afford to splash out a bit. And anyway, thoughtful stuff doesn't have to be expensive. Like not getting me a card with EFFing 50 emblazoned all over it, when he's heard my opinion of every single other EFFing 50-emblazoned card I've received this week. Like making sure the dc do the dishes after they've baked a birthday cake for me.

First world problem, I know.

OP posts:
Throwingshadeagain · 01/04/2016 10:00

I was going to say what the others have said, have you been dreading the big 5-0
and saying you want to ignore it and not make a fuss?

Listen I'm 50 this year, no I'm not over the moon, but the alternative to not turning 50 is a lot worse Wink. So head up, lady!

Tell your husband you want a fabulous present and an indulgent meal out tonight with Champagne etc. Would he get on board?

Throwingshadeagain · 01/04/2016 10:02

Crossed posts with you OP.

He's being rubbish. Tell him so. It's not too late to organise the party you want - it can be several weeks after your actual bday. And fuck Pizza Express, go somewhere fancy definitely!

flingingmelon · 01/04/2016 10:06

Do you get a comedy gift every year?

wheelofapps · 01/04/2016 10:09

OP, is your H like mine in that, when you point out that the 'comedy gift' (I've had Last of the Summer Wine and WWII videos before...) is not appreciated you then get a 2 day sulk?

If so, book yourself somewhere nice tonight and take yourself / go with kids.

OpenMe · 01/04/2016 10:10

I don't know. I'm not one for a fuss over birthdays. I'd prefer dh didn't spend loads if "our" money on something I might not like and Happy to treat myself to the things I really want. I'd be a bit Hmm over the book but it is on a subject you like.

I'd be thrilled that dc had baked a cake and depending on their age, cross with them (not dh) for not clearing up, or happy to help them do it.

I can't imagine being upset over any card anyone bought me.

I'd be perfectly happy with a meal at Pizza express with loved ones and if he (which means we) gets a bargain so much the better.

If dh suggested a party at home, I would assume he planned to do (most of) the work

Obviously if you're not like me and he should know you better then there's a problem but his behaviour on it's own wouldn't upset me

WizardOfToss · 01/04/2016 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PPie10 · 01/04/2016 10:21

It's your 50th , you deserve more than a pizza express meal and organizing your own party! Has he always been like this? Sorry you're feeling upset about this Thanks

redexpat · 01/04/2016 10:22

Oooh YANBU! THere probably is a reason for his being cheap, but he just hasnt vocalised it yet. Has he got some sort of plan that he hasnt mentioned yet? Or has mentioned in passing but not really articulated it as a plan? A big family holiday somewhere?

Baking a birthday cake. +5
Not washing up - 5
Leaving the birthday person to do additional work on their birthday while the rest of the family bask in their cake baking thoughtfulness - 10
That leaves an overall balance of minus 10.

OpenMe · 01/04/2016 10:25

You must all live in a different world to me. Pizza Express for four, with wine, is well over £100. Only for v special occasions here Grin

Original poster
AuntieDiluvial · 01/04/2016 10:29

OpenMe Pizza Express on Tesco vouchers costs drinks only, and as we're not wine-drinkers, costs peanuts. It's our standard eat-out, and as I low carb there is only one hot dish I can eat.

OP posts: