to think if someone happily announces a pregnancy, congratulations should be the only thing you say?

[ollieplimsoles]

One of dsis's friends has just announced she's pregnant.

We have known her for years and she's like one of the family, she's really excited.

She's 19 and has frequent problems and break ups with her boyfriend, she's also unemployed and lives alone.

She announced on facebook with her scan pic and apart from one or two congratulation comments, the rest range from concerned to just plain mean. Lots of 'you must be joking' and 'but I thought you were trying to work it out with dp/looking for a job' one woman said ' will you be able to afford it'

She told us in person and she mentioned that she has some quite negative comments from family members.

I just feel quite sorry for her, she's really happy about it and she's just been slated really.

I would tell her to limit the attention she gives to those "friends" on Facebook that chose to reply to her pregnancy news with negative comments. Sad that they see that as a cause to be so judgemental, without any thought of how their thoughts and comments can hurt her and impact her pregnancy. Her baby may well be one of her life's greatest blessings
What a way to see who real friends are if it it was April Fools

I think that every child deserves to have their mother congratulated on their iminent arrival in this world. A friend of mine got pregnant after giving up her other children to their fathers because she couldn't look after them, I still congratulated her, for the child's sake. It's not as if the mother-to-be is asking our opinion about whether or not they should have the child.

"I think that every child deserves to have their mother congratulated on their iminent arrival in this world.A friend of mine got pregnant after giving up her other children to their fathers because she couldn't look after them"

Even if that mother won't be bringing them up because she can't look after them? I don't really understand how the situation you describe is any sort of call for congratulations?

Because the child is arriving, with or without congratulations.

You said it was "for the child's sake"

A foetus or newborn doesn't know if you have said congratulations or not.

Your friend should not be congratulated for bringing another child into the world if she has abandoned the ones she already created. It's appalling.

Your friend should not be congratulated for bringing another child into the world if she has abandoned the ones she already created. It's appalling

Agreed. How on earth is that a cause for celebration. The baby is coming like you say, it doesn't need your congratulation. Your friend sounds a mess.

YANBU. I would have congratulated her in the comments and then (assuming I was close to her) got in touch to offer help and hand me downs. Imagine if we all went round with this lack of tact/ compassion about everything. "Nice new car there, aren't you already in debt?"

It's tough on her at that age. I had some people tell me I was too old to be having a first baby to my face (I was 44) and made allsorts of dire predictions. I was old enough to see that it was more an expression of their own issues than genuine concern. Has to be said that none of their predictions came true which probably irks them.

OP - it's tough but at least she can see people for what they are.