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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is he?

39 replies

themumfairy · 31/03/2016 10:40

Dp often goes on overnight fishing trips to various local pools, dc have sometimes gone with him in the summer months and they really enjoy it and tbh I enjoy the peace at home. Lately his 14 year old cousin has been going which has been a big help to his parents as he has adhd and fishing is something that calms his behaviour down.
Dps mate has started to tag along who in turn has invited another mate.

Dp takes his fishing quite seriously. His mates mate has started getting a girl to come out to the fishing pool to have sex with him in his tent. It's not his wife.
He's an adult so I know he can do what he wants but what's really annoyed me is that dp didn't mention it. I had to hear it from dps cousin who walked in on them.
Dp says he's only there to fish and doesn't take any notice. That easily could of been our ds who's 7 who walked in on them.

Aibu to expect dp to tell me things like this?

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 31/03/2016 10:50

I depends.
Does this friend go along when your DC are there?

I wouldn't expect him to have to tell you this kind of thing.
If one of your friends was having an affair and didn't want you to share the information, would you tell your DH anyway?

If he's allowing his friend to invite his GF while your DC are there then that is NOT OK but otherwise I can't imagine what the issue is.

ReginaBlitz · 31/03/2016 10:55

No it's not ok! I would tell dp to tell his friend to not bring his friend anymore,it's rude tbh.

RealityCheque · 31/03/2016 10:58

Lol Regina.

It's got fuck all to do with OP, unless here own son is exposed to it.

molyholy · 31/03/2016 11:03

Wow. Isn't the 'friend' a diamond.

Fucking another woman in a tent whilst his mate is fishing. He sure knows how to show a girl a good time.

I can't understand why any woman would go along with this!

Nowt to do with you though OP.

littleleftie · 31/03/2016 11:05

If this is going on when your son is with them then YANBU

RudeElf · 31/03/2016 11:09

I think its an odd relationship you have that he wouldnt have said to you the first time it happened. As in "X is cheating on his wife!" Shock it indicates either you dont talk much or cheating isnt a big deal to him.

Original poster
themumfairy · 31/03/2016 11:12

He's only been twice so far but both times this woman has 'visited' him. He's obviously using fishing trips to hide his infidelity. This is where the arguments starts, he wants to start taking ds but I don't feel comfortable letting him go when he is there. Dp says that they will be in their own tent.

OP posts:
findingmyfeet12 · 31/03/2016 11:13

Dh and I would definitely gossip about this at the first opportunity Blush

If it's not a tent that your dp and your ds are sleeping in why would the couple expect anyone to walk in unannounced? I think they can do as they please in their own tent.

Original poster
themumfairy · 31/03/2016 11:15

They aren't a couple, his wife is at home looking after the kids.
Dps cousins went in to find some bait.
We don't really know this man, he's a friend of a friend and I don't know his wife.

OP posts:
findingmyfeet12 · 31/03/2016 11:18

Was it his tent? If so then it's a bit strange to go into his tent unannounced if it's zipped up.

As for the cheating situation - I really think that it's his business.

springydaffs · 31/03/2016 11:20

I wouldn't want my kids involved in a situation like this, no.

LizKeen · 31/03/2016 11:21

A 14 yo walking in on two ramdoms having sex isn't ok. Your DP is responsible for his care on these trips and he has allowed that to happen.

I wouldn't be letting my child go at all.

pictish · 31/03/2016 11:22

Well yuck...how grubby and pathetic. Feel sorry for your dh having his nice leisure time overshadowed by ick. Quite a tricky thing to be assertive about if you're not assertive though.

hellsbellsmelons · 31/03/2016 11:24

With your update, I agree with LizKeen
If your DH can't tell his friend to keep in his pants while his child is there then the child shouldn't be there. Simple!

pictish · 31/03/2016 11:27

I definitely wouldn't be ok with my kids being present for this guy's fishing trip humpathon. I have nothing but scorn for him. I'd suggest dh leave the kids behind/rearrange to suit the kids. This might force the issue into a confrontation for your dh and his friends and friends of friends....which needs to happen imo.

If your dh wants to ignore it that's fine, but he can't ignore it for your kids as well.

MattDillonsPants · 31/03/2016 11:35

EEEW! YANBU and I'd be very upset if my DH thought this was OK. I'd be questioning everything!

IdealWeather · 31/03/2016 11:36

I doubt that a 7yo will have any idea of what 2 adults are doing in a tent tbh. So unless they are noisy/tent is shaking etc... I wouldn't be bothered.

I would have an issue is ds actually knows the DW of that guy and is likely to see them both in other occasions because of the high risk of fall out (you lerly can't tell him not to say anything about said woman)

Ginkypig · 31/03/2016 11:37

When the kids are there it's a big no no in my book!

As much as I might be disgusted by it though when the kids arnt there it's up to him who he shares a tent with.

If I was in that position though I'd be saying I don't want you coming ever!

IdealWeather · 31/03/2016 11:38

Hold on. That's the tent where they keep all the equiment?? Now THAT is totally unreasonable.

Original poster
themumfairy · 31/03/2016 11:38

Dp is too laid back, he's just said he wants to fish and has said he wants me and dc to all go next time. I've told him there is no way we'll be going if he's there. His cheating is none of my business but I wouldn't be able to talk to him or his bit on the side (who is also married with kids) without thinking of his poor wife at home with 4 young kids. I would end up saying something whether it's none of business or not. I have been cheated on in the past and I know I couldn't ignore it.

OP posts:
Original poster
themumfairy · 31/03/2016 11:41

I'm going to suggest that we all go out for the day so dc can all have a go at fishing too. He loves it so much and I think he would love it for one of the dc to enjoy it to. That way we can all come home when we've had enough and then his 'mate' can come out after and invite whoever he likes to his grubby tent

OP posts:
Original poster
themumfairy · 31/03/2016 11:43

Just to add, this ow only comes out for that. She's not part of the fishing trip. She literally pulls up at the pool, goes into his tent and then when it's all over goes home.

OP posts:
findingmyfeet12 · 31/03/2016 11:45

Why do you need to tell dos friend about your next fishing trip? Could you not go overnight just as a family?

springydaffs · 31/03/2016 11:46

Tacky!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 31/03/2016 11:53

I wouldn't be happy knowing that my husband and assorted family members are some cheat's alibi on a fishing trip.
That friend of his must be congratulating himself on a cheap date.

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