To lock OH out of the house?

[Misswrite89]

I'm furious. I was upstairs and had just bathed our 6 month old. He was in his pajamas on our bed and I asked OH to watch him so I could walk the few steps across the landing to hang the towel on the back of the bathroom door. OH says fine and stands by the bed. I walk across the landing and hang the towel up. I then turn around to see LO hanging half off the bed. He has recently started rolling and was about to fall off. I yelled and OH managed to grab him before he fell but he started to cry from the commotion.

OH didn't notice that LO was rolling because he was engrossed in texting his friends on this bloody group whatsapp that they have. I'm livid because when I asked him to watch LO on the bed, I said how much he was rolling but still he didn't even notice. I keep thinking about what could have happened if I hadn't turned around at that exact second.

To make it worse, OH tried to comfort LO but I took him because he was crying and my maternal instincts went into overdrive - I was the only one that was going to comfort him not the idiot that almost let him fall from the bed. He then raised his voice at me because I said "give me my son" and he said very loudly (borderline aggressively) that he was his son too. I then went to walk away and he proceeded to hold me quite firmly by the upper arm until I pulled my arm away

He is usually a fantastic dad, I imagine he is feeling very guilty about what happened. He came downstairs shortly afterwards giving LO lots of kisses and cuddles and has now gone out with his friends.

I am furious. Would it be unreasonable to lock him out of the house (by putting my keys in the lock so he can't get in). I haven't even had an apology. I am literally livid.

Accidents happen.

My DS ended up in A&E three times before he was 1 due to accidents he'd had in my care. My DH certainly didn't go mad at me or lose his temper etc because it could just as easily have happened in his care too.

I think your fear of possible injury took over, you saw red and exploded - all totally normal but in hindsight, a bit unnecessary.

Yikes. I'd bet there are very few parents who haven't had a DC do something unexpected at a time where their attention wasn't 100% on the child. Let's hope your DH is more understanding when it happens on your watch.

I've apologised, he's apologised. Both promised not to do anything similar again and LO is fine which is the main thing. Don't you just love a happy ending? Goodnight MN (and a serious thank you for making me see sense)

Bless you OP. There will come a point where your child will roll off something on your own watch and you'll remember this thread, it's like a right of passage falling off the bed its that common

Love a happy ending

I don't think grabbing OP's arm is the major issue some people make out - it sounds as if it was a totally reflex reaction. Comparing it to what her DH might have done to his boss is irrelevant, given that he's hardly likely to have the same sort of interaction with his boss as with his wife and son.

I'm very glad it's all resolved, OP.

It wasn't a stranger though was it buck?
And it wasn't the child's arm. She had the child in her arms and he grabbed her arm.

In what circumstances would you grab some ones arm in a heated argument? Restraining some one so they have to pull away may be ok for you to do but it's actually an agressive act. Doesn't really matter if your a fighter or a freezer. If you can't have a heated argument with some one with out putting your hands on them - you have a problem.

No it's not irrelevant.

If it's a reflex action then the guy would be doing it to every one that pissed him off. Maybe it's just kept for his wife?

I took a deep breath when my dp told me our ds had rolled off the bed when he was little. I had been at work and ds was fine when I came home and then dp admitted what had happened. I remember thinking well ds is clearly ok and also I better not hang dp as it could happen on my watch. Fast forward two weeks and ds rolls off the bed under my watch! It never happened again for either of us after that. We are good parents with a bright, happy child. We both made mistakes. Don't hang your man for a mistake when you might make a mistake one day and need his support.

As for grabbing your arm perhaps he got defensive and panicked? If this is not something he usually does then he has made a mistake. Talk to him. Ask him how he feels and then share your feelings. Not an attack, share. No one is perfect.

Well I'm going to go against the grain, he had no right to grab you by the arm

That would be my issue here. For that alone I'd be having a very serious think about this guy. The minuite you put your hand on some one aggressively when arguing it takes it to another level. That's not ok

Here we go. Just stop and think about this situation if it were the other way around, and OP had been chatting with friends on her phone and DH called. To me I'd be seeing some pretty subtle (and some incredibly obvious!) red flags.

Why didn't DH just take the baby the few paces to the landing? Because he clearly wanted her to get off the phone. Grabbing the baby from her? Unacceptable and passive aggressive. Telling her the baby is MY son? Emotional abuse. Thinking of locking her out of the house? Most definitely abuse.

Come on.. If anyone is abusive here its certainly not the DH!!! But thankfully I'm not going to judge a complete strangers relationship on one over-reaction.

You're being absolutely ridiculous, and YOU were the one who upset your baby by making such a stupid fuss.

I really can't understand those posters who are saying that "you can't watch them all the time". The OPs DH was absolutely in a position to watch their baby. In fact, he had been told to be careful as the baby was likely to roll. Instead he chose to be on his phone, thereby putting his baby at risk (it's a very long drop off a bed for a little one so yes, a very definite risk).

The fact that some posters are more worked up about an adult's arm being grabbed than by a baby potentially coming to harm beggers belief really.

OP- tell your husband to put his phone away when he's supposed to be watching his child and in future, put him (the baby!) safely on the floor rather than on a bed that you know he is likely to roll off of.

I'd be cross. He was asked to watch the baby for a matter of seconds. And grabbing your arm isn't acceptable. Glad to see that you have both moved on though.

Singsongsungagain Thu 31-Mar-16 06:31:49

"I really can't understand those posters who are saying that "you can't watch them all the time". The OPs DH was absolutely in a position to watch their baby. In fact, he had been told to be careful as the baby was likely to roll. Instead he chose to be on his phone, thereby putting his baby at risk (it's a very long drop off a bed for a little one so yes, a very definite risk). "

Noone is saying that the dh did not behave stupidly. But ime very few people get through an entire 18 years per child without making a single stupid decision. Sometimes it happens early in a child's life, sometimes later. (don't think I have made many stupid decisions lately). Perhaps you have never done it, Singsong, perhaps you never will. But many of us hear of other people's momentary lapses (as opposed to deliberate abuse or neglect) and think "there but for the grace of god".