Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lock OH out of the house?

66 replies

Misswrite89 · 30/03/2016 19:55

I'm furious. I was upstairs and had just bathed our 6 month old. He was in his pajamas on our bed and I asked OH to watch him so I could walk the few steps across the landing to hang the towel on the back of the bathroom door. OH says fine and stands by the bed. I walk across the landing and hang the towel up. I then turn around to see LO hanging half off the bed. He has recently started rolling and was about to fall off. I yelled and OH managed to grab him before he fell but he started to cry from the commotion.

OH didn't notice that LO was rolling because he was engrossed in texting his friends on this bloody group whatsapp that they have. I'm livid because when I asked him to watch LO on the bed, I said how much he was rolling but still he didn't even notice. I keep thinking about what could have happened if I hadn't turned around at that exact second.

To make it worse, OH tried to comfort LO but I took him because he was crying and my maternal instincts went into overdrive - I was the only one that was going to comfort him not the idiot that almost let him fall from the bed. He then raised his voice at me because I said "give me my son" and he said very loudly (borderline aggressively) that he was his son too. I then went to walk away and he proceeded to hold me quite firmly by the upper arm until I pulled my arm away

He is usually a fantastic dad, I imagine he is feeling very guilty about what happened. He came downstairs shortly afterwards giving LO lots of kisses and cuddles and has now gone out with his friends.

I am furious. Would it be unreasonable to lock him out of the house (by putting my keys in the lock so he can't get in). I haven't even had an apology. I am literally livid.

OP posts:
Cheby · 30/03/2016 20:13

I'd be cross too OP. Id also be very concerned about your DH physicslly restraining you. That's a red flag to me.

PerpendicularVincent · 30/03/2016 20:14

I think the grabbing of your arm was out of order and I would be annoyed about that. I also understand your initial panic and reaction - do you feel supported generally, is this a one off?

Original poster
Misswrite89 · 30/03/2016 20:16

Just to update you all, I have taken the "chill pill" as prescribed and I'm having a brew with my feet up. Thanks to all that have commented, I've realised the error of my ways!

Blush
OP posts:
Chocolatteaddict1 · 30/03/2016 20:17

Well I'm going to go against the grain - he had no right to grab you by the arm

That would be my issue here. For that alone I'd be having a very serious think about this guy. The minuite you put your hand on some one aggressively when arguing it takes it to another level. That's not ok

Chocolatteaddict1 · 30/03/2016 20:17

I'm glad a couple of other posters have sense and seen the real issue here.

Buckinbronco · 30/03/2016 20:19

I think grabbing someone turning away from you in a heated discussion is quite a reflex to be honest. More a hold On look at me gesture than anything else

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 30/03/2016 20:20

*Your reaction was beyond awful. He isnt just your son. You completely and utterly overreacted and if I were your dh I would be devastated at the way you spoke to me.

I really think you need to applogose for your reaction*

This. OP you reacted ridiculously, and need to apologise! Babies roll off beds, they fall off chairs, they bump themselves on furniture, it crap but it happens. Let's hope he doesn't speak to you so abysmally when you look away for a split second and the same happens on your watch, which it will at some point

Mango5000 · 30/03/2016 20:22

Emmm... In the context of your op yes I do think yabu. You got a shock but babies are fast & he'll almost (or will) catch you out one day. hope it's not tomorrow
I think you need to calm down a bit tbh

Hissy · 30/03/2016 20:23

My ds rolled off the sofa and onto wooden floor. Twice! Totally my fault too!

I'm glad to hear you've calmed a little. Your h didn't do anything on purpose here.

Although the arm holding was extreme - he should not have Done that.

tinyterrors · 30/03/2016 20:28

I'm sorry but that's a massive over reaction.

Babies roll off beds and sofas all the time. All of my dcs have rolled off the bed and I felt awful, I thought I was the worst mother ever when my, up till then immobile, pfb managed to roll from the middle of our king-size bed onto the floor. I'd have been devastated if my dh had reacted the way you did.

It was an accident. The baby is fine.

How will you feel when your ds inevitably falls off something and gets hurt when you're looking after him and your OH demands that you hand your ds to him and starts shouting at you?

I think you need to apologise to your OH. He shouldn't have grabbed you but you shouldn't have over reacted.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 30/03/2016 20:28

buck no it's not a reflex. Would he have grabbed his boss at work? Have you ever grabbed your boss at work? Would you grab a stranger in the street that you had had words with? Myself and Dh have had some barnies but he has never grabbed me ever.

SlatternIsTrying · 30/03/2016 20:29

If it's any comfort both mine rolled off the bed onto the floor, no harm done.

LionsLedge · 30/03/2016 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oakmaiden · 30/03/2016 20:32

Choc - I have never had a boss overreact to me in the way OP did, and snatch my son off me... If a boss did that, I might well grab their arm.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 30/03/2016 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buckinbronco · 30/03/2016 20:34

No I don't tend to feel the same emotion with strangers. Mind you If a stranger tried to grab my baby arm grabbing would be the least of their problems and that would be a reflex too.

I think I have quite angry reflexes- def a fighter rather than freezer. A man tried to attack me once and I lashed out so much he ran away. I could've killed him i was so angry.

So um, I can see why you might grab someone's arm when they were turning away from you during a heated argument.

XIsACunt · 30/03/2016 20:37

I was going to say YABU and over reacted but I see you have already admitted it to yourself. Good on you. I do think you need to appologise for the "my son" comment.

If it helps any, DD is 2.3 and even though DH and I watch her like a hawk or so we think I have lost count of the times she has fallen. The worst time was the two / three weeks after she started walking. Her poor little face was was black, blue, yellow and red from the continual trips, slips and falls. She literally face planted every time she fell in that two weeks. I didn't want to take her out for fear of people thinking I had caused the bruising. You can't watch them every second. They go before you know it. But, they are tough little humans and a few bumps and falls are unfortunately unavoidable.

It's awful when they fall under your watch and I am sure your DH feels really guilty. He probably won't ever do it again now this has happened.

LittleNelle · 30/03/2016 20:41

He should have been watching.
You overreacted.
He shouldn't have grabbed you.

If it was me, I'd talk to DP tomorrow and say I was frightened that he almost let the baby get hurt but I shouldn't have snatched him away. And also that grabbing my arm was uncalled for and mustn't happen again.

Hopefully we would both apologise and get over it.

magoria · 30/03/2016 20:46

I would tell him in no uncertain terms never to grab you and restrain you again.

He was a twat who decided to text rather than watch a rolling baby. You over reacted in shock.

You realise that.

Let's see if he realises he was wrong too?

corythatwas · 30/03/2016 20:48

Sooner or later, an accident is going to happen on your watch. So a cautious attitude would be wise here: lay down the lines along which you yourself would like to be treated when the day comes.

(speaking here as the - perfectly competent - mother who over the years has had to inform dh that a dc:

has fallen out of the pram

has knocked out two front teeth

has sprained/possibly broken an ankle

is unconscious in hospital)

Each time the accident happened right under my eyes, when I was more or less within grabbing distance. On each occasion, dh bit his tongue.

Sophia1984 · 30/03/2016 21:01

I fell off the bed when I was a baby and I'm fine :-) I wonder if the real issue is that you don't like him spending time on his phone when you feel he should be focusing on your LO (which is reasonable, but a different issue)? I am a phone addict and it drives my DP absolutely mad.

BillBrysonsBeard · 30/03/2016 21:07

OP, I totally understand your grizzly mother bear instinct but yes it was an overreaction. It is easy to not realise how quickly babies are changing/developing and sometimes it takes a near miss to start being careful. I was the same as your DH, I took my eyes off DS as I was so used to him staying in the same position and I literally caught him as he was falling. I never let it happen again and I doubt your DH will!

Jollielolly · 30/03/2016 21:42

Sophia that is the issue I have with OH. I leave the room to go do something (take dinner plates out, loo, cleaning....anything) and DD starts to cry. OH is sitting right in front of her on his phone ignoring her. He then moans that she's moaning but if he just paid her a bit more attention she wouldn't do it. I know she cries because I leave the room but if he entertained her for 5 mins then she wouldn't even realise I was gone!

alltouchedout · 30/03/2016 21:48

Maybe locking him out would be overreacting and goodness knows accidents happen, but your OH was supposed to be watching him for a few seconds and chose to text his friends instead. That's just pathetic.

FiveSixPickUpSticks · 30/03/2016 21:48

YABU and you have seen you were Wink

Swipe left for the next trending thread