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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get so wound up by a poorly moaning husband

49 replies

peppajay · 30/03/2016 18:53

My DH has been ill with cold cough sore throat etc since last Thursday. He is crap at being ill and I find it extremely hard to sympathise as he constantly moans about how I'll he is. He hasn't got up for 5 days as he feels so bad -he has a hacking cough but to me it sounds like a forced cough and if he would have a sip of drink instead of coughing I think it may stop him coughing. He has been crying in pain today he has seen 2 doctors who both said a virus and he had me phone 111 in the middle of the night - he has no temperature but lies in bed all day with a cold flannel on his head. He has panic attacks and wriggles around screaming he is going to die - he almost phoned 999 earlier until I stopped him. This has been going on for 5 days now and I can't cope with it -so I have phoned his mum -she has come and taken him straight to a and e and said she will kick up a fuss until they do something. He is a big wimp when he gets ill and that was the 4th time of calling 111 in the night as has happened a few times before. Surely it is just a virus and he can't be admitted for that. His mum has made me feel really mean now but i was at the end of my tether what to do!!

OP posts:
EveryoneElsie · 30/03/2016 18:59

I'm stunned. I wouldn't be able to cope with that either. I cannot find a shred of empathy with him. I've been in hospital with veterans who have shell shock and seen them cope better than he does.
He sounds like a complete knob at being ill. Let his Mum deal with him. Flowers

ps who looks after you when you are ill?

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2016 19:07

Is he otherwise 'mentally sound' in every day life?

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2016 19:25

That sounds really annoying. Unless there's something actually wrong with him that means screaming and writhing is normal.

I'd just let him stay at his mums til he was better. And then leave him. I couldn't be arsed with being married to or living with a total wimp about life.

Fine if they were actually sick though Hmm

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/03/2016 19:30

If you are right about the level of illness and he is wanting to call 999 and go to A and E, something is wrong. Does he have health anxiety or a personality disorder?

JolseBaby · 30/03/2016 19:31

Screaming? Really?

Is he usually so pathetic? I've known small children who are more stoic than this. Shame on your MIL for clogging up A&E with him as well. Can't help but think that if he had to pay for medical treatment then he might think twice about being so bloody precious.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 30/03/2016 19:32

Has he got bacterial tonsillitis? When I had that I was constantly forcing myself to cough because I couldn't cope with the pain on my throat and in my fever ridden mind I thought I could cough the infection out.

gamerchick · 30/03/2016 19:34

Next time he's ill and every time after that ring his mother to come and collect him.

I would lose respect for this level of pathetic tbh.

The problem with pulling these stunts that the one time he's actually seriously ill it may not be dealt with quickly because he's worn that rope out with previous .

luckySwallow13 · 30/03/2016 20:06

What age is he ??

ScarletForYa · 30/03/2016 20:08

Screaming that he was going to die?
Attempting to call 999?

going to a&e with a virus

He is a selfish brat and it looks like his Mother made him that way.

Spandexpants007 · 30/03/2016 20:09

.

Jojoriley · 30/03/2016 20:09

No yanbu I would have lost the plot days ago. He sounds a bit unhinged

Original poster
peppajay · 30/03/2016 20:10

I have no sympathy never do as he is such a bad patient when ever he is ill. Generally he is very fit on a normal day to day basis but he has huge panic attacks when he is ill and he often gets Ill he picks up every little thing going but instead of fighting it like a normal person his body goes into panic mode! Have text his mum to say he can stay at hers tonight and she can deal with him as I am exhausted!!

OP posts:
Original poster
peppajay · 30/03/2016 20:12

When I say fit I mean exercise fit he cycles and runs miles!!

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 30/03/2016 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scarydinosaurs · 30/03/2016 20:18

You deserve a medal to put up with that. How unattractive for you.

shebird · 30/03/2016 20:18

You have my sympathies OP, I'm not a good nurse especially when the patient is being pathetic. Does you DH have a health anxiety perhaps?

lovelilies · 30/03/2016 20:20

Crikey. He sounds like hard work. That's not normal behaviour, perhaps when he's physically well again he should see GP about this massive over-reaction he has regarding illness?

oldlaundbooth · 30/03/2016 20:20

So basically you are his step mother.

What happens if you tell him to pull himself together?

Fairylea · 30/03/2016 20:22

My dh is very similar when he is ill but rather than the illness itself it's actually acute anxiety. I would suggest when he's better he gets himself to the GP for some counselling. It's not normal to be so distressed over a virus.

tryingtocatchthewind · 30/03/2016 20:27

Oh dear I'm a hopeless nurse with my DH and yes the "fake" cough drives me barmy as well. However, your DH is on a whole other level of batshittery!

Rosenwyn · 30/03/2016 20:28

If he's "crying in pain" then perhaps there is actually something wrong with him? Maybe a sinus infection, they can be really painful?

ArmfulOfRoses · 30/03/2016 20:42

He's actually screaming in pain?
Or through worry?

junebirthdaygirl · 30/03/2016 20:48

Did his mother completely get in a flap when he was sick as a young boy? Did some one in his family die when he was young? Can't think of any other reasons that would make him overreact so much. Saying that when l had gall stones l screamed and rolled around on the bed and another time when l had food poisoning so is he definitely not in extreme pain.

corythatwas · 30/03/2016 20:56

I would tell him (when he is well enough to listen) that he has to do something about these panic attacks: either get therapy or get a book with CBT techniques

Dd has an anxiety disorder and at one time it did manifest as extreme anxiety around illness (to be fair to dd, she had been struggling for years with an undiagnosed and painful chronic disorder, so was totally confused when it came to bodily symptoms, having been told something was all in her head when it wasn't).

We worked a lot on relaxation techniques, treating the anxiety itself rather than trying to work out the ins and outs of every individual illness or pain episode. Basically, my take is now "oh dear, well I don't have to know what is causing this pain, your techniques will work for both (physical and anxiety) so get going with them".

Dh had a tendency to moan about minor illnesses until the day he got Reyes Syndrome and nearly died. But that was one time when he didn't moan, should have warned me how serious it was.

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2016 21:37

How can anyone call someone suffering from a panic attack or an anxiety attack 'pathetic'?

He obviously needs help because crying, wriggling around and screaming he is going to die, is not normal behaviour.