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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Household bills and DP

47 replies

C0C0 · 30/03/2016 13:52

We are on a low income/tight budget and I organise all the bills and ask that DP gives me £100 per week (he earns cash) towards the bills otherwise there is just not enough to cover everything.

Now he doesn't do this unless I actually ask and then just £20 at a time so I have to ask a bit. I find it really hard to budget/plan like this. He will buy things for himself that are not essential then moans there is no food (he means easy food that doesn't need much prep/cooking) to eat and that he has to buy his own food out which is more expensive.

I have started just cooking for me and DCs as I used to make dinners for him too and he would not reheat them when he got in late (he works odd hours - rarely here at dinnertime), my cooking is great BTW as I am a trained chef so I make things that can be reheated easily, its not like I make rubbish and he buys his own food/petrol station food etc. a lot on the way home.

We have substantial arrears on the utilities because of this and I am just so fed up of asking for money from him so I expect they will install prepayment meters like they have been threatening. It shouldn't be like this.

Anyway sorry rambling a bit, he should just contribute towards the household bills without me having to ask constantly, right?

OP posts:

NeedACleverNN · 30/03/2016 13:55

Well no yanbu

Sounds like he wants to earn all his money and spend it on fun whilst you pay for everything else!

19lottie82 · 30/03/2016 13:56

Of course he should.

Have you actually spoken to him about this properly, ie a sit down chat, rather than just moaning at him (if that's what you're doing just now that is)?

LaurieLemons · 30/03/2016 13:56

If he lives with you it should be split. Why does he get cash in hand? Is it dodgy? Ask for x amount of money the day he gets paid then he's free to spend the rest on whatever. If he refuses or makes excuses then he has no respect for you.

Original poster

C0C0 · 30/03/2016 14:02

Yes lottie we have spoken at length about this and I make a budget plan he always agrees yes but then has an excuse, I feel like he is taking the piss.

No its not dodgy, he is a fisherman and just gets paid cash from fish market.

OP posts:

19lottie82 · 30/03/2016 14:04

I think if he refuses to pay to support his kids, then you need to pack his stuff and leave it on the doorstep, but that's your choice.

19lottie82 · 30/03/2016 14:04

What are his excuses, out of curiosity?

Pinkheart5915 · 30/03/2016 14:07

He should pay towards the bills without you having to ask. You have a home and children together.
It does sound like he wants to keep his money and you pay all bills.

You say he buys food from petrol station etc have a chat about this as this needs to also stop if your on a tight budget, cooking for all at home is cheaper especially with your skills.
Have you had a proper sit down chat about paying towards bills? Sit down and make it clear what he needs to pay for.

LionsLedge · 30/03/2016 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

C0C0 · 30/03/2016 14:11

My DS is not his and I get maintenance for him so we have a DD. He has all sorts of excuses like he had to get this for his car, that for work, pay back a mate he borrowed from etc. and doesn't have enough money but will give it tomorrow and tomorrow comes and he has a new excuse but yet he seems to have spare money for new clothes etc.

He is being very selfish I think, says he is fed of working for nothing and all his money going on bills/debts.

OP posts:

shiteforbrains · 30/03/2016 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedACleverNN · 30/03/2016 14:13

But that's adult life on a low paying job!

My dh works and literally his money comes in and it's gone the same day on all the bills

We get by on our tax credits

Pollyputhtekettleon · 30/03/2016 14:15

Laurie, slightly rude question and not relevant. Did you think you wrre going to catch her out?

OP hes being totally unreasonable. You do all the legwork and have offered to leave him meals on the table which he is not taking. He simply must give you the weekly £100. As a family you need to work together especially of things are tight financially. I don't know how you can make him hand over the money but if you haven't properly talked about it (sit down, showing him the arrears etc) that's worth a shot.

Original poster

C0C0 · 30/03/2016 14:18

Yes we have been together 10 years, he has not always been this tight but then he used to earn a lot more and now things are tight he can't see that he needs to be very careful with money and not spend it like he used to.

OP posts:

HermioneJeanGranger · 30/03/2016 14:19

He needs to grow up, or you need to kick him out.

Why is he happy to get into utility arrears for clothes and petrol station sandwiches? Prepay metres are more expensive, especially if you already have arrears with the company.

I get it sucks when you work hard and have no money left to spend on anything fun, but that's life for a lot of people. When you have children, they need to be your priority. They're clearly yours, but why doesn't he care enough about their welfare to pay bills for them?

He sounds a bit useless.

19lottie82 · 30/03/2016 14:20

He sounds like a terrible flat mate rather than the father of your child!

As I already said, if he would rather spend his cash on petrol station sausage rolls than providing heat / light / food for his child, then I would kick him out. Let him see how much it costs to live in the real world as a single person. A hell of a lot more than £100 a week!

In fact, with benefits and maintenance, you'd prob be financially better off if he DID leave!

BeaufortBelle · 30/03/2016 14:23

Sounds awful. He's irresponsible and YANBU. Is there something else going on though: Gambling, drugs, debts you don't know about?

LauraF94 · 30/03/2016 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TooOldForGlitter · 30/03/2016 14:27

I'm afraid I agree with lottie.

He has cast you in the role of mummy/landlord and acting like a selfish teenager/lodger. It's not how I would want to live. What are his good points?

Original poster

C0C0 · 30/03/2016 14:27

I dont think so Belle but it would be very easy for him to hide anything like that as he does get cash daily which is highly variable obviously.

OP posts:

Original poster

C0C0 · 30/03/2016 14:32

He would used to just give me money without me asking when he was earning more but yet I realise he is not earning as much as he used to which is why I said £100 a week is the minimum we need and he should be able to do that easily.

I am so fed up of being responsible for/ worrying about all the bills and I'm not sure how it got this way TBH.

OP posts:

BeaufortBelle · 30/03/2016 14:38

I'm afraid it very much sounds as though he's up to something. Good luck.

gamerchick · 30/03/2016 14:44

Christ tell him to tip up or find somewhere else to live. You don't need to split up but he needs a dose of reality.

MartinaJ · 30/03/2016 14:47

You need to get out of this relationship.

magoria · 30/03/2016 14:51

Bloody hell I wish I could live somewhere for £400 a month all in.

Kick him out and let me come and live with you. I could pay you double and still be quids in!

Have you actually sat him down like a child with a spreadsheet and pointed out how much your out goings is and how little he contributes?

Seems like all his spare money goes on him/clothes etc not bills.

Would you be better off financially without him? Let him see how far his £400 goes then.

LaurieLemons · 30/03/2016 15:58

Polly - no I didn't mean to be rude I was just wondering if there was a reason he couldn't have it put in his bank account?

Tbh if he's getting paid cash every day there's no way you can get him to pay up without just nagging, £400 isn't a lot he still would have plenty to spend on himself. I think he needs a massive kick up the backside.

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