Background: I have a friend who I met through a mutual friend around 6 years ago. I've known mutual friend for 8 years. Both are not British (not sure if that matters but worth saying), and I am American.
We were all family friends for around 4 years until my friend moved back to her home country. We stayed friends with mutual friends (e.g. BBQ's, bday parties, etc). Mutual friend helped us with our house sale over the summer.
Our friend's dad very sadly passed away in Feb. He had a stroke Dec. 31 and passed Feb 21. I was in touch daily with my friend about his progress. When he died I felt that I needed and wanted to be there for her so I flew (18hr flight) to be by her side as she buried her dad.
When I booked flights I think I f'Ed up. I said:
Me: "Guess what?" I'm flying to (home country) Sunday for a week"
Her: Why?
Me: "L and trying to integrate my work into (their country)
Her: "does she know?"
Me: Yes. I'll be staying with her.
And she's helping organize the business side of stuff"
Her: "If she's ok with it then fine and actually not my place to say but I know I can tell you straight but she's burying her father... Work and entertainment will not be on her mind."
Me: It was her idea. I'm going for her because she's burying her father. The way around it was to make it a business trip. She knows the right people."
No response. So a few days later I text her to say I was upset at her reaction and I thighs she knew me better than to think I would use her fathers death as an excuse to go out to her country.
She responded:
"ANYONE who cares and knows about what they are going through (DH had helped them through Many a difficult situation) see this as You trying to take advantage and financially benefit from this situation.
So yes we contacted our friends out of concern! You would too in your situation.
However we now see this as you needed to tell your DH all this so you could go! So yes I'm a friend but I will protect my friends who are grieving and check with them that they are ok with this! Bottom lie, tell the truth in the beginning...."
I didn't lie to my DH, I've got no idea where she got this from.
Anyway, I went and was at my friends side as she buried her father, held her 5 year old as she sobbed at the funeral, and gave as much emotional support as possible during the 2 weeks I was there.
Mutual friend won't talk to me. We are emigrating in less than 2 weeks and I have text her twice trying to arrange to meet up and clear the air with no response.
I know IABU in my original text. It was insensitive and I should have not ever mentioned business. But is it worth ending a friendship?