...to hate the term 'alpha male'?

[Tabsicle]

It drives me irrationally insane.

Humans are not wolves! No man, even if he works in the city, is responsible for forging his team into a lean, mean, hunting machine, bringing down deer with lethal precision using only their teeth and claws.

Nonsense evolutionary pop psychology at its worst.

You can tell it's Easter and I have time on my hands, right?

[Notasinglefuckwasgiven]

I'm off to the depot now to twat the newish boy who said to the brand new boy, " Notasinglefuck is the garage alpha female." I did not know I was being called a tosser.... I'm actually very helpful to the fresh faces.

[Mag314s]

I don't know. Your prerog to hate it, but I dated a man recently who told me he was an ENTJ. I would have said alpha male. It helped make sense of things. Some people are more focused on outcomes than on the atmosphere around them or the emotions of the people they meet along the way. My personality type is to shy away from competition, focus on harmony in the group etc.... consequently I am not very successful in business. I am not really offended by the term. Although personally, I have decided that this is not the type I'm most drawn to, or happy with. I have a female friend who is an entj and she's fabulous. Love her. But we're living in each other's pockets!

[Tabsicle]

I think maybe my personality is stuck in the 19th century. I cringe at Meyer-Briggs (is it Meyer-Briggs?) too. I prefer 'I'm the kind of who person who doesn't like conflict in the workplace' or something. I guess I just don't really believe in package personalities. Like X% of the population has all these traits bundled together and tend to behave in XYZ way and that's just natural. I think people are more complex than that.

Alpha Male annoys me most, because it is, 75% of the time at least, a short hand for 'I'm going to be a prick and that's a good thing'.

But if it helps people, then more power to them. We all need to figure out the world, whatever way we can.

[HarlotBronte]

Have you ever read any manosphere writings on Alpha Males? It can be a mixture of amusing, pathetic and occasionally worrying. Evolutionary pop psychology indeed.

[Mag314s]

I don't think you need to bother cringing over it. It's never going to be an 100% fit, but it can de personalise somebody's behaviour, which helps remind you that literally ''it's not me, it's you''!

[Tabsicle]

HarlotBronte - MRA stuff? I have, and it's very very disturbing. I once spent a strange afternoon reading the Red Pill subsection on Reddit. I came out of it and spent the evening fighting off the urge to text every man I knew to say "remind me that decent human male beings exist! This isn't real!"

Thankfully I'm considered sub-par by most MRA activist types for many many reasons and am therefore not of interest to them!

[KatoPotato]

YADNBU! This has annoyed me since the first Big Brother psychology companion show! It's shorthand for a tit.

[Trills]

It's a very useful term.

Anyone who calls themself one is clearly an egotistical dick.

[Eustace2016]

It certainly has negative connotations. We can ujse other words to describe succesful high earners who are male and female and tend to lead, not follow. What other words should we choose?

[TinySombrero]

I like "Go getter"!

At the very least it doesn't put everyone else in the category of drone to be exploited.

[RedRainRocks]

All I can think of is Huxley when I hear the term Alpha. People who use it, especially about themselves are usually arrogant entitled idiots who think themselves better than others and often need to check their privilege. Personally I don't think anyone is inherently better or worse than another and quite frankly despise the sating and the ideology that goes with it

Alpha children wear grey. They work much harder than we do, because they're so frightfully clever. I'm awfully glad I'm a Beta, because I don't work so hard. And then we are much better than the Gammas and Deltas. Gammas are stupid. They all wear green, and Delta children wear khaki. Oh no, I don't want to play with Delta children. And Epsilons are still worse. They're too stupid to be able to read or write. Besides they wear black, which is such a beastly colour. I'm so glad I'm a Beta.

[Eustace2016]

That would do. I have always felt I was the master of my own fate and can make just about anything happen. Not everyone has that in them. I wonder if it's because I am the first born child - there is a lot of research to show first borns tend to "succeed" more, whatever success is.

[PandoesnotwearRaphaclothes]

Alphas know what we want. What is important and how to get it. Where leadership and action are required, no bullshit or excuses are accepted. We sometimes pretend to 'compromise' for appearances sake, but we never do. We ignore criticism. We sort out problems where these qualities are required.

The world needs alphas.

[WorraLiberty]

Meh! I think you're taking it too literally.

I keep reading about 'Queen bees' on Mumsnet, but I don't assume they're insects, buzzing around the school playground.

[ouryve]

Yanbu. Usually used as an excuse for being a dickhead.

[Lanark2]

I think ' person who is weak and needs underlings to feel better'
And 'pretty good at stuff' should be used.

Also 'success' and taking a lead as you describe it there are more likely to be situational than personality.

I have met any number of completely ineffectual people with senior jobs (the 'confidence of the mediocre white man' syndrome) who are there purely because they NEVER take a lead role and slide around clinging on, avoiding getting fired and acting politically backed up by all the other ineffectuals, whereas I've seen very dynamic leaders in astonishingly low paid situations.

A guy who runs a local hand car wash with ex junkies and allies with no grant money (he just treats them as normal employees except he sometimes walks around rounding them up) is far more 'alpha' than someone who has conned their way into a senior job with no ability and sat there for years because his or her boss is similarly ineffectual.

[VertigoNun]

I usually read 'alpha' for sociopath.

This

[Birdsgottafly]

Theres been a lot of threads using the term 'Alpha Male' lately and on everyone I've pointed out that we are not Wolves.

It's been very wrongly interpreted.

Wolf packs are incredibly nurturing and none are abusive.

On here it's been used for abusive, violent, piss taking men. We've got to get out of the habit of excusing very wrong Male behaviour, it isn't innate, or linked to Testosterone.

I've met men who I would consider to be Alpha's, they are focused on the outcome, but get the journey very right and look after the needs of those not as strong/capable on the way. They certainly wouldn't delegate to the point of other pack members being exhausted and at breaking point, like the men on most threads.

They also wouldn't get aggressive with anyone who wasn't an equal match and even so, unnecessarily .

[PandoesnotwearRaphaclothes]

"I've met men who I would consider to be Alpha's, they are focused on the outcome, but get the journey very right and look after the needs of those not as strong/capable on the way."

yep.

[6cats3gingerkittens]

What are Raphaclothes, or can you not spell alpha?

[HarlotBronte]

Yes that sort of thing OP. I usually find it all amusing, the desparation and bravado is palpable, but occasionally it tips into worrying.

Interesting to hear about wolf pack behaviour! I had no idea! You learn something new on this site every day.

[Catvsworld]

My husband is a alpha I think

[PandoesnotwearRaphaclothes]

Rapha clothes are upmarket rip-off clothing largely worn by middle-aged males in West London whilst riding s with far too much disposable income. I ride a lot and was asked if I'd wear Rapha whilst riding around Manchester to advertise them. I said no.

[6cats3gingerkittens]

Well, that has enlarged my knowledge of big city life and urban sophistication.
The
alpha male in my house is three years old, ginger and white and castrated. As all alpha males should be.

[Tabsicle]

6cats3gingerkittens - my alpha male is white with blue eyes and likes to climb the curtains. He's currently sitting atop my kitchen door looking down at me, like a good alpha male should.

(He's also not a wolf. But closer to one than a hedge fund manager)