To think a teenage girl sharing a room with a 6 year old boy isn't fair?

[lightsnotchanging]

AIBU to think this isn't really fair? Or is it?

[DangerMouth]

I agree OP. I don't have anything against dc sharing, l have 2 dd who will share when dd2 moves out of our room. But I think the set up you describe isn't working for the teenager so the parents need to look for a solution and if that means they have to sleep on a sofa bed in the lounge room so be it.

I'll be flamed but why have 5 dc if you can't house them sufficiently?

[Mistigri]

I am pretty sure my teenager would leave home rather than share with a younger male sibling :-/ She's extremely private - and where does she do homework if other people were using the family rooms?

I realise that some people don't have the choice, but it's clearly a disadvantage, with potential educational consequences, if nothing else.

[Headofthehive55]

She sounds a bit precious. Goodness has she looked at the living conditions in the Calais jungle?

[NoOneIsInterested]

Blimey OP you've had some replies. I never understand the 'it's not your business' crowd. That probably applies to half the threads on MN.

They are your family and you are aware of the issue so I don't understand why posters would think you are not allowed to think about it. It would be different if you were barging in with unsolicited advice.

Anyhow, it does seem a bit of an odd set up - you would have thought it would be better to have the three boys together. I imagine that it's to do with the boys bedtimes.

[BombadierFritz]

You cant have one person lounging round in a room to themselves and everyone else squished up like sardines. I'd probably divide it that way too, and no its not ideal. Can the room have a room divider or curtain or is it too small? The eldest can have the sofa or your house or stay at uni (i barely went home) or squish back into the bedroom. They'll live.

[hellsbells99]

It is a difficult situation for both the parents and children. I know that housing association/benefits wise, the guideline is that once children are over 10 then bedrooms would be expected to be single sexed. With regards to the DD at university, then she is probably home at least 5 months of the year. But I don't have a magic solution! Do they have space for a touring caravan on the drive? You can pick up a basic one for £500+ - this could then be 'tarted up' a bit to make a bedroom for either the 2 oldest boys or the 2 girls.

[BombadierFritz]

Other people i know keep the youngest with them on a campbed. Just a suggestion. Its also not ideal. There is no magic solution to 6/7 in a 5 room 3 bed house

[lightsnotchanging]

She's not in the Calais jungle though, is she?

We could probably reply to half the threads right now by pointing out they aren't in the Calais jungle!

[Artandco]

Misti- I presume she can do homework in the kitchen, in either of the 2 downstairs living rooms, or in her shared bedroom either in the evening before 6 year old goes to bed when he is downstairs, or quietly with a desk and lamp when he sleeps.

We have a desk in bedroom as well as living area and dining table to work at. When both children are asleep I still work from desk in bedroom if Dh is working louder ie conference calls in living area, and he does the same if I have calls. But the general using laptop or paper and pens we do in the same room as children when they sleep.

I understand she may not like it. But that's the space they have. She's 16, and surely can appreciate that sometimes life isn't perfect, but she ist see also that her life is 100% better than so many if the only issue is sharing a bedroom.

I would suggest she asks for some adjustments in the way everyone works in the house together. For example if 6 year old goes to bed at 8pm, can she ask her parents that they make sure he isn't in the bedroom 6-8pm. That way she gets 2 hrs every evening to work alone or do whatever.
Same with other things. In a shared bedroom 6 year olds toys need to primarily be in living space so they aren't all over the place in bedroom, and he will stay in living areas more playing with them. Just books, teddies and odd small toy in bedroom. Also saves on space.

There are many things that can be done to improve living which are based on space, but on curtesy of living under one roof

[liz70]

Truckle bed beneath DD2's bed, to be pulled out for DD1 when she comes back from uni to stay? Would there be room for that? This is assuming that by now DD2 would be sleeping alone in one of the two smaller bedrooms?

[lightsnotchanging]

Liz, unfortunately it's one of those really small rooms with just room for bunk beds and a wardrobe.

Thanks for advice.

[differentnameforthis]

It is, actually, my business. how?

[Witchend]

Well she might not be finding the current state very easy, but I'll bet any solution she finds someone else won't find very easy either.

There isn't going to be a solution where everyone is happy in such a situation. If she isn't put out, then someone else will be. I think probably the situation she's in os probably one of the fairer-everyone shares with one other person in this case.
Although I think I'd probably move the 6yo back with his brothers when the older girl comes home.

[lightsnotchanging]

Different - in a way that would make this situation quite identifiable if I was to share it.

Thank you for your thoughts.

[differentnameforthis]

Because of reasons I won't go into but essentially I feel pressured to let them into a bigger property. So do you own a property they could have, or live in a bigger place so could swap or lend them some money?

You are still to over invested, btw.

I would say that the teen to talk to her parents, instead of coming to you looking for you to solve this.

[lightsnotchanging]

You just don't know different.

[liz70]

"Liz, unfortunately it's one of those really small rooms with just room for bunk beds and a wardrobe."

This is the room that the DD2 and DS3 are currently sharing, right? Sorry, trying to keep up with everything.

So in that case, my first post still stands. The largest bedroom should be kitted out with another pair of bunks, then given over to whichever combination of DCs would be best suited. Sleep times needn't necessarily be a problem e.g. DS3 on top bunk, DS 1 or 2 below. The older DS could study etc. by desk lamp so minimal light or disturbance to DS3.

Then other DS in bedroom 2, and DD2 in bedroom 3 with DD1 taking the other bunk when home from uni.

Parents downstairs in sofa bed as earlier suggested.

(I keep typing DCs when I mean DSs! Aargh!)

[lightsnotchanging]

That's right Liz :)

[antimatter]

I asked what parents hours of work are because it may not be suitable for them to slerp downstairs if they do shift work of odd hours.

[BillSykesDog]

So you have a larger house you could let to them, but you're not doing that, you're just criticising their current arrangements? So you're basically projecting your guilt about not letting them let the larger house onto them by blaming them for the choices they're making in their current arrangements?

By all means don't let them the house if you feel uncomfortable with it, you're under no obligation. But don't criticise their choices when they're doing their best if you're not prepared to help.

[lightsnotchanging]

Bill, you don't have a clue so stop making up a load of shit because it allows you to lay into me.

At the moment, I'm trying to help.

Thank you for the useful replies. It's unfortunate that some people the same ones every time always have to turn it into a stupid row, but that's their issue.

[BillSykesDog]

But you said yourself that you felt under pressure to let them into a larger property??? And it doesn't sound to me like you are 'helping' at all. It sounds like you're being really unhelpful TBH and encouraging an issue and inflaming a situation unnecessarily rather than doing anything constructive.

And you did ask if YWBU, you took the chance people would say no!

[EssentialHummus]

I'm baffled by some of the responses on here.

My two cents:

Whichever is the largest bedroom (parents'?) to be converted into shared bedroom with room divider for two teenagers, with truckle bed.

Second downstairs room (if I read correctly, there is one) to be parents' bedroom. Whoever needs quiet/study time during the day can use that.

[Cel982]

It might make things slightly better to move older boys into smallest room (in bunks) and then put up some sort of room divider in biggest room so at least the girl and younger boy could have their own space within the shared room. Would this work?

[SaucyJack]

Actually..... if there are two reception rooms downstairs, and one of them is a self-contained room that can be used as a bedroom without blocking access to/from the kitchen or front door and leaving another family room for late-night TV watchers/early morning breakfasters- then having thought about it I do think YANBU.

I'd then put the six year old in his own room, the girls in the second biggest and the two teenage boys in the biggest room together.