To think a teenage girl sharing a room with a 6 year old boy isn't fair?

[lightsnotchanging]

AIBU to think this isn't really fair? Or is it?

[lightsnotchanging]

'Maybe you should talk to all of them'

That wouldn't be 'minding my own business' though, would it?

It is, actually, my business.

Plus in fairness Mumsnet wouldn't have many threads if everyone just posted about their own business :)

[Headofthehive55]

Compromise and sacrifice look different to everybody. You make different choices. Your compromise would be different to mine.

[Mousefinkle]

Jeez, you'd have had a field day with my Nan's family then. Nine children in one bedroom, all in a bunk bed . Four boys on the top, five girls in the bottom. When babies were born they went in the sock drawer.

Needs must and all. Someone I know is giving their newborn girl her own room and the three boys have to share. That doesn't seem fair on the boys at all.

[lightsnotchanging]

Okay.

I don't have an issue with kids sharing. So I don't think there's anything wrong with DS1 and DS2 sharing.

I don't think younger children tend to mind, as a general rule, where they sleep. So I'm sure DS3 is fine - comes under the 'not ideal' thing but hey, worse things and all that.

DD1 is a student so living away from home mostly. But she does come back during university holidays. It's not great for her to sleep on the sofa.

DD2 is the one most affected hence my post.

Anyway, there is a reason I'm posting, I'm not going to go into why as it is identifiable but it's a bit more than nosy-Parker-ness.

[Griphook]

*'Maybe you should talk to all of them'

That wouldn't be 'minding my own business' though, would it? *


Well I didn't suffer you should mind your own busy, just that you shouldn't should have so much more regard for 2 children while not really having any concern for the other 3. Just stuck me as the 'boys' don't matter

[kippersyllabub]

It's difficult to know what's fair, but most parents do their best for their kids, and most parents know their own children and the sibling dynamics better than anyone else so maybe they just have a different perspective on this.

[lightsnotchanging]

When a teenage girl breaks down on you, I don't think the 'right' way of dealing with that is going to the boys and saying 'if you need to cry ... I'm here' is it

Plus, I don't think the boys are in a difficult situation. DS3 maybe, but he's young enough to not really be affected.

[liz70]

I would think that would depend how deep a sleeper the youngest child is. DD2 (15) had to temporarily share with DD3 (6) when my parents came to stay over Christmas and New Year. DD2 took the top bunk with DD3 below (usually only DD3 in the room).
It worked okay because DD3 is a very deep sleeper and wasn't disturbed by DD2 coming to bed later and noodling on her phone till fuck knows o'clock. I get that that wouldn't suit every family though, temporary or permanent.

[Bluelilies]

DS (16) and DD (12) share at their dad's. He got a dividing wall thing , a bit like the ones you get in some open plan offices. The kids can move it around if they want but it gives them both a bit of privacy and means they can read in bed without distributing the other.

Maybe you could help your teenage relative to look into that, or even offer to buy one for them?

[lightsnotchanging]

Very true :)

[lightsnotchanging]

The room isn't really big enough, unfortunately.

[CamboricumMinor]

and this is your business because?

[lightsnotchanging]

Because of reasons I won't go into but essentially I feel pressured to let them into a bigger property.

[Artandco]

I think it's fine. I assume the girl teen is mid teens, so the plan is probably that she will be off to uni or moved out in say 5 years when the youngest heads towards his teens.

I have a 6 year old. He shares a room with Dh, myself and his brother every day. There's no issue at all.

[hellsbells99]

It is a difficult situation for both the parents and children. I know that housing association/benefits wise, the guideline is that once children are over 10 then bedrooms would be expected to be single sexed. With regards to the DD at university, then she is probably home at least 5 months of the year. But I don't have a magic solution! Do they have space for a touring caravan on the drive? You can pick up a basic one for £500+ - this could then be 'tarted up' a bit to make a bedroom for either the 2 oldest boys or the 2 girls.

[lightsnotchanging]

Yes, I know Art, but whether he'll still be thrilled with that arrangement when he's 16 is another matter isn't it? :)

[liz70]

"The room isn't really big enough, unfortunately."

The largest bedroom? Not for a screen, maybe, but still, bunks - if the parents can afford them - save a lot of space. I'm surprised more parents don't use them for children.

[lightsnotchanging]

They aren't in the largest bedroom, Liz. There are two bedrooms a decent size and the parents and the two older boys have these. Then a much smaller third bedroom the girl and the youngest boy have. They do have bunk beds as there's not space for two beds.

[antimatter]

What hours do parents work?

Do they have 1 of 2 rooms downstairs?

[lightsnotchanging]

Two. Mum works part time, dad works full time.

[Artandco]

Well thrilled or not, at the moment that's the space we have. He will have to work with it if we are still here in 10 years. Which we may or may not.

I think a 16 year old girl should be able to share with a 6 year old boy perfectly fine. A 6 year old will be asleep earlier also, so she can use the space quietly whilst he is asleep also or will need to use living area for general 'living'. A barrier for privacy can be made by moving furniture around if prefered.

Really a bedroom should be just for that, a bed, for sleeping. So that is what they have.

[lightsnotchanging]

Well, that's certainly one opinion, Art, but I think most teenagers would find sharing with their parents difficult. But anyway, we digress.

[Artandco]

If they have two rooms downstairs can't the teenager use one for an area to do school work and socialise or watch something in the evening when 6 year old is asleep?

[lightsnotchanging]

I'm sure she could, but is not finding the current arrangement very easy. :)

[liz70]

If they're staying in the present home, then the parents need to move downstairs to a sofa bed in the living room then. It's what we would do, and have done.

There is no absolutely ideal situation here, just finding the best compromise for everyone.