To ask any SAHMs (and SAHDs) how much your partner does around the house

[Discopanda]

I seem to have become a mummy martyr, not sure if it's just me but DP really doesn't seem to do anything around the house, especially not during the week. Monday to Friday all he does to help is 'bath' the kids (i.e. shave himself and squeeze spots whilst they are sat in the bath I've run, I get PJs, story, etc. out) and takes bins out the night before collection. AIBU to think he really could do a bit more even though he works.

My DH is out of the house 6-8. He does nothing mid week apart from helping to put the kids to bed (aka snoozing!!) if they haven't fallen to sleep.

At the weekends he does half the childcare and 1/3 the household jobs.

HOWEVER!! If DH was only out of the house 8-6, he would pull his weight a bit more mid week. Probably helping getting the kids changed and meals.

Sahm mum here. DH works long hours and does fa in the house. Literally.
It has caused almighty rows.

I think it depends on the individuals. However, my personal view is that a SAHM/D has made that choice, the partner/husband/wife is working - when at work you have to fit in with the routine of the role, you are not flexible and you do that job to provide. Staying at home should not be a 9-5 role, you have more choice over your time, the role is to be responsible for the child/children and home. When both parents are working they squeeze these jobs into the time they have or pay for some services.

Mine does bath time and pretty much all.of bed time every night. He gets dd up every weekend morning that he is home. He does pretty much all nappy changes when he is home.

From housework point of view not a huge amount but he does laundry sometimes and he does do all the hoovering. He also does all the work in the garden and any DIY stuff. He deep cleans the bathroom every now and again. He cooks dinner usually twice a week as I work a couple of evenings from home.

So quite a lot but I definitely do more. It works for us tbh. I'm just happy for him to take over responsibility of our 2 yo when he gets in so I can do something else even if it is housework!

My dh does tend to get home before dinner time though as he starts very early and also he works most Saturdays. So it does depend on the hours they're out of the house for.

DH does 50% of the cleaning, about 80% of cooking, will set dishwasher going etc, shares morning routine etc with little one. I'm a feminist and very early on with had the conversation that me being a sahm wouldn't mean me becoming his personal housekeeper. We're not in the 1950's! I'm always shocked by how little other dad's seem to do.

I do all the cooking, gardening and DIY because I am good at it and like doing it.

DW does all the washing because she doesn't like the way I do it. We share ironing and cleaning, admin, loading dishwasher and all the other boring stuff. I take out the bins but that is only 20 minutes a week so its hardly a slog..

Dh does bedtime for the DTs (nearly 4) so PJ's, teeth, stories etc.
He washes up after dinner and puts everything away.
He gets up at 6.30 with the DTs and makes their breakfast and brings me a cup of coffee.
He does the hoovering at weekends and does all the bins, sorts out recycling etc.

I do most of the cooking and washing/putting clothes away.
He will cook for himself if i'm going out or if he is going to be home late.

He also does all the gardening, planting of veg, watering etc which takes a lot of time at weekends but it's something the DTs love to help with so it gets them out of the kitchen so i can tidy up mumsnet and nap

When I was SAHM DH would help with bath time and bedtime, wash up half the time, take out the bins, clean the toilet and bathroom, give me a lie in on 1 weekend day and cook on 1 weekend day, hoover, do some school runs and cat litter trays.

Now I work full time over 3/4 days. DH is SAHD. I do some washing up, some bath times (work days I get back too late), some of the cooking, some cleaning, some of the school runs, all clothes folding, food shopping online, accounts and bills, some small food shops, most reading/homework with dc's.

DH does most cooking and cleaning, all ironing, bins and cat litter trays and bathing, school runs etc on days I work.

I'm on mat leave, DD's are 2.10 and 10m. DH gets up at 6am and sorts the kitchen out so it's spotless. He's back around 6.30pm and does dd1 bedtime while I do dd2. Bins are 100% his responsibility, I don't even know which day they go. In return, I'm 100% responsible for the nursery bag. Win

I deal with food shop online, washing and cooking because it's far easier when you're at home to find the time. I try to hoover while dd1 is at nursery or if DH takes her to soft play at a weekend because she makes a massive fuss about the noise.

I do the nighttime with dd2 because I'm still bf but if she inexplicably wakes up at 6am and won't go back to sleep DH usually takes her.

Not as much as me, obviously, but not nothing either.

He does his own washing and ironing - he has his own washing basket and sorts it out himself. Every second Sunday he will iron 10 shirts which lasts him for the next 2 working weeks.

On the weekend I tend to leave the packing and stacking of the dishwasher to him. During the week I tend to at least unpack it, and often stack it too.

On the weekend he tends to catch up on the recycling by emptying the recycling bucket, putting it into the relevant bags out the front etc.

He takes the children to swimming lessons on a Saturday, which for me is a major faff which I hate, and takes my son to Rugby on a Sunday, which is at least an hour of standing round on a cold field, which is once again invaluable!

He'll also put them through the shower on a weeknight if I haven't already, and do their reading with them.

He doesn't do all that much else - I do all shopping and cooking, I have a cleaner once a week but do all the other incidental cleaning stuff, washing for me and the children (he'll sometimes help by getting the children to sort and put away their stuff if the clean washing has built up during the week), hoovering, basically I do "all the rest". We have a man come and do the lawns.

So he really doesn't have to do very much at all - but he's not here all that much during the week, and the things he does do when he is here are things I really hate doing, so I never feel like I'm being used or put upon. The only thing that makes me feel martyrish and irritated is when I've cleaned something and the children trash it within seconds with crumbs or whatever, in which case they are directed to make it right or face my wrath.

For context, mine are 6 and 8 and at school during the week, and I don't work at all, so I have just under 6 hours a day to "myself" to get done what I need to get done, and that's enough time to do some DIY type things as well if I am that way inclined.

When they were toddlers and babies and there was somehow more to do, more often, he did more when he was here - things tail off a bit. Still feels like groundhog day sometimes, but at least there is no Weetabix drying on the wall like concrete...

He does loads but that's just the way he's always been. All the outside jobs and car stuff etc. We take turns to cook depending on who's caring for baby. I do all the washing through the week because it's more practical and he'll help on a weekend to blitz the dusting and hoovering etc. DD is 8 weeks.