To ask any SAHMs (and SAHDs) how much your partner does around the house

[Discopanda]

I seem to have become a mummy martyr, not sure if it's just me but DP really doesn't seem to do anything around the house, especially not during the week. Monday to Friday all he does to help is 'bath' the kids (i.e. shave himself and squeeze spots whilst they are sat in the bath I've run, I get PJs, story, etc. out) and takes bins out the night before collection. AIBU to think he really could do a bit more even though he works.

After being completely flamed for working WAY more than DP, and therefore expecting him to do a lot more at home.... I think each partnership has to decide on what is best for them.

We both do as much as each other, everyone mucks in, and no one has to be asked to do their fair share.

My DH is a SAHD and we are probably split 50:50, give or take. I'm out of the house 6.45 - 17.45 / 18.15, give or take.

We both put washing on / hang it out and bring it in (with me doing more at the weekend and vice versa); we will both run the cordless Dyson round quickly during the week; we both tidy toys away; we both load the dishwasher, but DH tends to unload it, particularly during the week; he vacuums the whole house at the weekend while I'm cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, he also steam mops the kitchen / bathroom / hallway; he cooks during the week and I do it at weekends; we both get involved in bath and bedtime; I generally weed the driveway and mow the (small) back lawn / do pruning etc.

I was initially doing loads more than him when I first went back to work after my second mat leave, but this evened out after a few arguments!

We have a 3YO and a 4 month old. 3YO is 'high-energy' and 4 month old won't tolerate being put down for too long. Older DC goes to preschool two days and one morning a week. DH works a 60 hour week including commute and he:

Does the morning drop off on his way to work 3x a week
Comes home early to do bath and bedtime, with minimal help from me twice a week
Either cooks or stacks the dishwasher
Hangs out some laundry or puts some away
Packs DDs bags etc for the morning
At weekends, does half the housework and lots of laundry
Gives me a lie in on a Saturday by taking both kids to the park

We don;t contract much out as we're living in a building site project atm. We get most of our shopping delivered but that's the only concession.

It feels like we have a fairly equal amount of work, rest and play.

I have very recently become a SAHM so we are still working it out, but I see my primary responsibility as making sure that DD is fed and clothed and safe etc. whilst DH is out at work and when he is not at work then the things that need doing are shared between us. Obviously in practice I am also doing the shopping and the washing and the general tidying/admin while she is napping because that juat makes practical sense when I have spare time during the day, but if for some reason (e.g. a newborn baby, illness etc) I couldn't do them I consider that they would revert to being the responsibility of both the adult members of the household. In the same way, if something were to happen to DH's job, the responsibility to provide for our family financially would fall on both of us and we would both have to look for jobs. I think that all the tasks that need doing (earning money and looking after the DC etc) are the responsibility of all the adult members of the family and remain so over the longer term, even if in practice they choose to divide them up in a particular way for the time being.

My response may however coloured by the fact that DD and I have just returned from a few days at my sister's house and the laundry is crawling out of the basket and down the stairs towards me. I definitely didn't expect a net improvement on the domestic front while I was away, but breaking even would have been nice. I do sort of feel that DH could have put a load of laundry on rather than specifically wait until I got back to do it...

I do everything!!
My husband is self employed, Emily works 70 plus hours per week.
He is not physically actually home a lot to do anything.
I do all childcare, washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing, bath and bed times, dealing with school assembly's, fetes etc.
We have three DCs 7, 5 and 2.
It is tough but to be fair, he absolutely works his backside off, to pay all the bills and this allows me to be at home.

To add to the daily house stuff I also
Do the admin for the business, invoicing, VAT, tax etc. I am exhausted a lot of the time, but then if I suppose if I had to work full time too I would probably be even more exhausted.
It's hard to find the right balance.

I'm a SAHM with a 2.3 year old ds and an 8 month old dd. Dp does practically no housework at all. During the week he gets up with ds if he wakes early and plays with him until dd and I get up, he gives him breakfast. When he comes home we do bath and bedtime for the kids together. Two nights a week he'll start tea but usually it's just re heating something I've prepared during the day. I do all cleaning, hoovering, laundry, washing up, ironing, meal planning, food shopping, sort out birthday gifts etc and do the finances. I sometimes think it must be nice to always eat meals you haven't had to cook or go to your wardrobe and find all of your clothes washed and ironed but it's also nice to go to the bank and find money there I didn't have to earn! I do find the cleaning etc quite hard to keep on top of sometimes but it has got easier now the kids have got a tiny bit bigger and now ds goes to pre school for two mornings a week.

My kids are teens now and dh is their step dad. Dh is self employed with back to back meetings during the day. We do have a cleaner but I'll stick on a wash and do the cooking. Dh will happily empty dishwasher/tidy kitchen but there isn't much left for him to do.

One thing he does which is lovely is if we have friends for dinner, I'll wake up the next morning and he'll have cleared up, put everything away and made me a coffee. But he does love me to polish his halo

Sorry but if your a sham you should be doing most of not all of the house work and the lions share of the kids things

I do all of t he house work

Oh cooks most weekends only and at Christmas and he gets up early with the baby at weekends

. I do all cleaning, hoovering, laundry, washing up, ironing, meal planning, food shopping, sort out birthday gifts etc and do the finances. I sometimes think it must be nice to always eat meals you haven't had to cook or go to your wardrobe and find all of your clothes washed and ironed but it's also nice to go to the bank and find money there I didn't have to earn! I do find the cleaning etc quite hard to keep on top of sometimes but it has got easier now the kids have got a tiny bit bigger and now ds goes to pre school for two mornings a week.
this

I love reading the threads were new mums are asking if there oh should be getting up during the night with the baby as well as getting up at 6 to do a full day's work

I couldn't imagine I would want a fireman, police officer , doctor attending me if they had been up all night lol

We have one school aged dd and we do about 50/50. I do all the cooking, food shopping and some cleaning. DH hoovers, does the bins, changes sheets and washing up. We do bath/bed about equally. We do our laundry separately, neither of us iron. Load dishwasher with own plates as it's necessary. We do cards/gifts each for our own families, but I'll do it for dd's friends. He does a lot more at weekends and I get to lie in (DH doesn't like lie ins).

I couldn't imagine I would want a fireman, police officer , doctor attending me if they had been up all night lol Funny because there are lots of Fire Fighters, Police Women and female doctors doing just that. I went and did my job on no sleep.

Chances are actually quite good with those professions that they are doing night shifts and therefore knackered all the time anyway.

I couldn't imagine I would want a fireman, police officer , doctor attending me if they had been up all night lol Funny because there are lots of Fire Fighters, Police Women and female doctors doing just that. I went and did my job on no sleep.

Paramedics too.

Oh and male doctors...

To answer the OP, I'm a WAHM. DH generally flies wherever he's going on Monday or Tuesday and comes home Thursday or Friday.

If I'm having a heavy workload week then I cook all week and we share the housework at the weekend.

If I'm having a light workload week then I do most of it during the week. He does the bins (we have to take them to the dump ourselves), and a lot of DIY.

However my children are much older, look after themselves and do the washing/drying up.

I am not a SAHM but I think you both should decide what you want to do to share the work. If you don't mind cleaning you can do it. If he likes cooking he can do it. But either way both of you should be doing things for the kids. That bothers me more than the housework, that some men don't do anything for their kids. Just come home, play with them for a bit and that's it. When dad comes home he should either take over the household duties or be with the kids. I think he should be with he kids since kids need time with both parents. My husband is extremely hands on with our 2 boys and there is nothing I do that he can't do. I went to visit my mom out of country for a week and he was fine with working and taking care of the kids. It's really important.

My dh is the sahd and he still doesnt do much lol. He does more than me mind you and he is doing an open uni degree so studying when he can.

I work 3-4 twelve hour night shifts a week so dont do alot. I tend to just do laundry maybe the dishes once a week. I also look after the kids when im off so he can study.

I dont do anything the first day off after my nights cause im too tired but he does do most of the childcare and general housework. It workd for us because he used to moan when i was the sahm that i didnt do enough and now he sees how hard it is with two little ones

Well from the perspective of a FT working mum. I don't do much housework. I work from 7 to 5.30 including the commute. The last thing I want to do when I come home is more work.

As for men doing less housework after children? We don't have a cleaner before children. We have one now. We also outsource DIY too. So yes I would expect a SAHP to do the housework.

DP is SAHD. I WOH 12hrs per day.

I'm on mat leave at the mo, so it's a pretty even split.

When I was at work though, I didn't do much. Only got home in time for dinner so didn't prep that (would batch cook at weekend though). I bathed/bedded DS while DP cleared up in kitchen. He did all washing, bins etc. We have a cleaner.

At the moment I cooking and bottles (DS2 12w), DP does bins and DS1 bath and bed, we split washing. DP is also is working at home when he can. I go back in 3 weeks (!), I really won't expect to do too much (in the week) except putting kid to bed/feeding baby. Will do night feeds and pull my weight at weekend.

WAHP here & still do everything for 4 year old & 4 month old. DH out house 8-5.20. He does like to cook & in summer will do the cars & garden. I think I'm able to do all this because baby gets up at 4.30 so I tend to start the day then. Then start work at 7, out kids to bed at 7 & then finish tidying around sit down at 8.30/9 then wake up for dream feed 10.30/11 and back to bed till hopefully 4.30 at least. I'm like a zombie! But house is clean & tidy & kids are doing ok. I do everything because I can't sit if there's still stuff to do & in trying to prove how great a SAHP I would make!! Would love to not have to do a 50 hr week & make the home....one day!!!!

My husband works longs hours, he's out the house from 7:15-7 Monday-Friday so he does nothing in the week but does do his own ironing and once a week does bedtime/teeth before bed. On the weekend he cooks dinner and makes us lunch both days if we're not out and I do everything else but he is fantastic with fixing things/ painting round the house and will do anything straight away if it needs.

We have 4 children and both work full time, however, I am home based whereas he is out of the house for over 10 hours so naturally most falls to me in the week.

I sort the children out, do dishwasher and lunch boxes, take to school. He sorts the dog, including poo pick up, and bins before work. I do the laundry in the week as and when and supervise homework and cook. He usually comes home as food is being cooked so may take over if I still have work to do. If not, he dies the dishwasher, cleans up afterwards. Also will drive the kids where they need to go.

Weekends is 50 50 but he generally cooks as I 'm fed up of it and he'll take a bit more time/ effort. One might clean, the other do a food shop etc. I sort all clothes and kids rooms, he does car maintenance and garden.

I'm pretty happy with this. If either of us didn't work I'd expect food shopping, laundry, cleaning etc to all e done by the one not working

I work and the kids dad stays at home. I'm often out 7-9 and if I were expected to then cook dinner and clean up I'd be furious and send him back to work. When my hours allow it I cook, clean etc during the week but more often it's all down to him/cleaner.

I do all the washing tho b/c he fucks it up

He also gets up with the kids (1, 4 and 6) most mornings and during the night. But that's b/c I'm pregnant

The transition from him working to being a sahd was really really tough. He was clueless and I was controlling so we went through a very difficult stage but got there in the end and it's brilliant now.

DH works away and is gone Sunday night - Friday night, so I naturally do everything. I'm a SAHM, DD is 3 and goes to preschool 2.5 days, so I really have no excuse! I can keep everything clean and still have plenty of time to do my own stuff, which I need as obviously I'm on parenting call all day and all night through the week.
At the weekend, I get up with DD. I still do all cleaning etc but DH often cooks and does bedtime as DD won't have me do it if he's there! DH works hard, does long hours and earns good money - I figure we both contribute to the household in our own ways.
We are currently in the process of moving in order to live together full time again, and DC2 is due in July, so things will change again. I'll need to train him out of some of the little habits that annoy me, and I'm anticipating housework taking a back seat for a while once I have a newborn. He has always been very good about doing stuff if I ask him, so hopefully we won't have too many problems adjusting. If all else fails, I've decided we'll get a cleaner. He doesn't know that yet though