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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about birthday cake

69 replies

NeedACleverNN · 24/03/2016 18:31

Dd's birthday is on Saturday and we are having a Peppa Pig party at our local soft play. All we have to provide is the cake.

My SIL immediately offered to buy the cake despite our protests when the party was first arranged in January.

She has mentioned it a few times and we kept saying we don't mind if we go and buy it to make it clear they don't have to. I even mentioned I saw a perfect cake in sainsburys (it was daddy pigs car)

Got a phone call and they have bought her.....a frozen cake. I am so wound up, probably unreasonably so. I'm just annoyed in the fact that I even said I saw the perfect cake so I'll buy it and they simply said what is it and oh we will get that one then. I even showed them it!!

So wibu to go out and buy this cake myself and serve that one at the party or do I have to grin and bear it?

OP posts:

Trojanhorsebox · 24/03/2016 22:27

hmmmmm I wouldn't get the difference between a Spiderman or a Superman cake or halloween costume, though I know it would have mattered to my boys at a certain age, so if she's well meaning but didn't get it quite right, fair enough I'd still get the cake the child wanted but wouldn't be too put out.

However if you genuinely think she's deliberately trying to upset your child and spoil her party in order to score points in a row in the wider family that's nothing to do with your child, I'd be keeping my distance and limiting contact with my kids.

Oooblimey · 24/03/2016 22:28

Hands up who else got half way through the thread before realising OP is referring to a Disney theme "frozen" cake and not an actual frozen cake from the gateaux freezer in Iceland? just me then?!! I was thinking "why would she buy a shit cake that's got to defrost"!!

TheCometAndLittleLegend · 24/03/2016 22:43

Not just you Oooblimey, my hand's been up for a while

fourage · 24/03/2016 22:44

ooblimry- me too.

"frozen cake " as opposed to "Frozen cake".

HeddaGarbled · 24/03/2016 23:52

Who decided the party theme, you or your daughter or the soft play people?

Which cake do you think your daughter would prefer? Really think about your daughter's preferences here, not yours. It doesn't matter if the cake doesn't match the party theme unless the party theme is something that is important to your daughter rather than you and the party organisers.

Children's parties should not be used as a vehicle to show off to other parents. The child's preferences are the most important. You could actually ask her, would you prefer a peppa pig cake or a frozen cake, and then act accordingly.

It does sound like your SIL has deliberately bought the wrong cake. This could be revenge because you are renewing relationships with her estranged mother. It could be because she erroneously assumes all little girls love everything related to Frozen. It could be because she knows that your daughter loves everything related to Frozen and is trying to make her happy.

Try and put all the family stuff aside and think about what would make your daughter happy. Sometimes, what makes children happy is fitting in with their friends and that might mean Frozen not peppa pig. But it might not and in that case you should put your daughter's desires first and make it clear to SIL that is what you are doing.

figureofspeech · 25/03/2016 02:19

Buy the peppa pig cake for the birthday party but pre slice the frozen cake before hand to either:

Serve everybody at the party the frozen cake & peppa cake is the main birthday cake which then goes in the party bags
OR
Put the frozen cake in the party bags before hand so you don't have a mad rush at the end. Then serve the peppacake at the party itself.

I did a similar thing at my Dd's party, I bought a cake in a similar coloured icing as her main cake and then pre sliced it and put it in half the party bags. The main cake wouldn't have stretched to all the extra kids who came and it saved me time at the end.
This might be a way round the situation without adding more tension which your sil might be hoping for. You could put on a cheery face, say 'thanks for the extra cake, always comes handy' & then proceed to put candles on the peppa cake.

trufflesnout · 25/03/2016 04:49

I have seen the peppa pig car cake. It is magnificent. I'm considering buying it for my OH's birthday which would be HILARIOUS since we are well over the peppa stage much to his relief. YANBU x1000 NeedA

Hackedabove · 25/03/2016 05:34

You can never have too much cake, buy daddy pig's car and don't accept SIL's offer to buy anything for you again.

NightWanderer · 25/03/2016 05:59

This is exactly the sort of thing my in-laws would do too.

For me, I'd just serve the Frozen cake as my daughter would love it anyway. But I think it's equally fine to just get the Daddy Pig cake too. I don't think the Peppa Pig cake looks very tasty though.

PennyHasNoSurname · 25/03/2016 06:15

Id just buy one and text her "Ive managed to find a Peppa cake, you were right they are rare arent they!"

Inertia · 25/03/2016 07:26

I would just buy the Peppa cake and take it to the party, and then just say what a stroke of luck it was to find one.

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 25/03/2016 14:53

. I am never doing a party again though....out of 8 children I've had 2 cancel and one refuse to answer all texts and calls.

So I've got 5 coming tomorrow....that's including Dd and ds. So 3 kids...and two are family cousins anyway

OP posts:

Blink1982 · 25/03/2016 16:44

All this talk of cake is making me need some.

WonderingAspie · 25/03/2016 16:58

That's crap of them! That cake is fab though!

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 25/03/2016 17:02

Come round blink

We've got chocolate cake, chocolate Easter nests, peppa pig cake and will have another one tomorrow. I'm sure you will find something to eat

OP posts:

MonstrousPippin · 25/03/2016 17:23

YANBU. Be super nice. Thank her for being really kind to buy the cake, even if it's a blue frozen cake. Tell her you've picked up a Peppa Pig cake because DH said she couldn't find it but nevermind, one can never have too much cake, so you can eat them both over the weekend and have lots for the children to take home and share with their families. So long as you've got the chosen Peppa Pig cake, you can probably get away with a "look DD, you've got a frozen cake too! How wonderful! Say thank you to SIL" The kids will probably be bemused at most but there'll be loads of cake for everyone to take home and everyone will have a lovely party.

Hope you all have a great time.

Grilledaubergines · 27/03/2016 09:48

So OP, what was the upshot?

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 27/03/2016 09:52

We served both cakes to be blown out and as SIL left before the party finished we left the Elsa cake with the staff to eat and popped the peppa pig cake in the party bags.

Party was a disaster though as Dd suddenly got very poorly.

OP posts:

Grilledaubergines · 27/03/2016 09:54

Oh no. What a shame.

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