Who is being unreasonable? Me or DP

[NotGonnaAnswerThePhone]

As most of us know it is Easter weekend this weekend. I work 9-5.30 Monday to Friday so have a long weekend off. Unfortunately my DP works nights in a call centre and is in all weekend. We have only lightly discussed it, saying that we will do the roast dinner and films and chocolate next weekend instead.

Here is a series of Facebook messages and I want you to tell me which of us is being unreasonable.

ME: urgh i hate PMT!!!!!

Just a general moan (which no, I don't do all the time lol) then a few minutes later I say: Bloody easter holiday on my lonesome. i'm gonna hate christmas this year :( (because DP has found out they are working that too, the easter thing got me thinking about Christmas) everyone will be having their nice lunch on easter sunday and ill be having a sandwich!

DP: I have to work. I know it's shit and I've said sorry. I know you've got pmt but can you not take it out on me

ME: I'm not I'm just moaning !

DP: I feel bad enough as it is, it's not my choice to work

ME: I'm just moaning silly, not taking my mood out on you

DP: Yeah well I took it personally seeing as you know how bad I feel about it

(DP hasn't expressed how bad they feel about working Easter)

ME: so now im in the doghouse for having a moan?!

DP: Pmt is not an excuse to start an argument with me. I'm not replying anymore (Gone offline)

Been together 3 years, live together etc no kids. I just feel its a bit harsh that I am having a moan then am being told off for having a moan and made to feel worse?!

You did the right thing sending her the message OP.

I think it's one of those shitty things where you're feeling rubbish because you don't get to spend important holidays with the person you love, and they feel like crap because they have to work on these dates when they would much rather be cuddled up at home with you. Best thing to do in these situations is to moan about it to other people, because moaning to each other can cause even more feel bad.

Tbh, I think the situation is crap for both of you.
For your DP who has to work when everyone else has a 4 day weekend.
And for you who will be on your own during a 4 day weekend when most people spend all 4 days doing nice things together (or at least that the ideal version)

Neither of you are unreasonable to want to moan.

But taking it on the other person isn't on.

As it has been said numerous time on MN, people can NOT guess how you are feeling. If your partner doesn't tell you she is feeling crap to work that weekend, why are you suppose to somehow 'know' before hand that she does?
In thre same way, if you need to tell people how you are feeling, how can you do that if each time you do, you get 'punished' because you are 'moaning'.

I would aplogise to have upset her because this wasn't yur intention.
I would also make ity clear that she can't take her own frustration of working this coming weekend on to you either.

I think you are (sorry).

My OH (male) misses most "special" occasions (birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, Valentine's) by being away with the Navy and it makes him feel like shit - I would moan about it but not to him.

If I had to work when someone else had time off, I would not want to hear them moaning about 'being alone'. That would be salt in the wound.
+1

She bought you some seeds to make herself feel better about working ?!?

I find this comment odd. It's a really nice gesture OP but she shouldn't have to feel guilty enough to do this. Its not like she's buggering off on some social event having fun whilst you're stuck at home and even then you are a grown women capable of entertaining yourself. Sorry if I sound harsh, don't want to kick you whilst you're down but it just sounds a bit indulgent. Maybe take up a hobby or something interesting that doesn't leave you so dependent on your OH then you won't feel so crap everytime she has to work these rubbish shifts? its tough on couples, this shiftwork malarky.

You are, but moany people annoy me.

Your DP can't change the situation so why moan, what does it achieve other than to make the other person feel bad.

Your poor DP. She will feel like basically the whole of the country is about to enjoy a 4 day weekend, apart from her. The reminder of this and Easter is everywhere- supermarkets, adverts/tv and she knows she will be stuck working while you have it off, but still find something to moan about.

That's a really nice apology.
Hope you end up having a good weekend.