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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWYD re BIL and SIL

51 replies

wannadancethenightaway · 23/03/2016 20:30

So my MIL wants to look after my DD and my BIL and SIL DS who are roughly the same age I've or take a few months. She is fantastic with them and loves them to pieces. When she expressed an interest in looking after the DC my DH and I realised that there is a part of her house that is potentially unsafe for children. The stairs come into living room and there's no bannister - fine if you're an adult but could be lethal if you're a child. Anyway MIL is in her early 60s and FIL died a couple of years back so there is no way we would ever ask her to shell out any money on adding a bannister. We briefly mentioned to her that it was a bit unsafe and she wholeheartedly agreed. We told her we'd pay for a bannister to be added and DH close friend is a joiner so he'd do it for un I expensively. MIL said to us to ask BIL and SIL as their child would also benefit from this safety feature being added. When we broached the subject with them they agreed that it was really needing done but refused to contribute. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I'm happy to just pay so that it gets done for the DC and for peace of mind but can't help think that BIL and SIL are a bit tight.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
wannadancethenightaway · 23/03/2016 20:31

Sorry title should be AIBU not WWYD

OP posts:
wigglebum84 · 23/03/2016 20:34

Can they afford it though? I wouldn't be able to contribute to something like that.

Ginmakesitallok · 23/03/2016 20:34

If you want it done and are prepared to pay for it then do. Maybe bil/sil don't have same concerns you do?

SaucyJack · 23/03/2016 20:34

I dunno.

You don't say how old the kids are, how often they go to MILs or how much it would cost.

It may just not work out as very good value for them- and I certainly don't think they should be expected to pay for anybody else's benefit.

blueskyinmarch · 23/03/2016 20:36

My DM doesn’t have a banister on her stairs. She just taught the GC to come down her stairs safely. None of them ever came a cropper on her stairs.

Original poster
wannadancethenightaway · 23/03/2016 20:37

So the children are both 1 and will be there two days a week. I suppose it's a cliche but they have form for being a bit mean with their money and for what it's worth they are far from skint. The joiner is willing to do it for £120. Like I said, I'm willing to pay for it and always have been but I can see MIL's point that it's mutually beneficial to both children.

OP posts:
Coldtoeswarmheart · 23/03/2016 20:41

If MIL can't afford it I'd just pay and ignore BIL and SIL.

lightgreenglass · 23/03/2016 20:43

Isn't there a poster on here who's child fell from their grandparents stairs that didn't have a banister? I personally wouldn't risk - if MIL is looking after two little ones and takes her eye off the ball for one minute anything could happen. I would pay for it to be done and make a passive aggressive to SIL/BIL about being tight arses and not forking out for their child's safety. Grin

SouthWesterlyWinds · 23/03/2016 20:49

Just ask them out straight. Don't hint. Tell them MIL is doing you both a favour and it's the least they could do for the safety of their child and for the free childcare. What's the worst they can say other than no?

BreakfastLunchPasta · 23/03/2016 20:52

That's incredibly tight of them.
Is mil providing 2 days' free childcare for both little ones?

Osolea · 23/03/2016 21:00

Do your BIL and SIL need your mil for childcare or is this an arrangement that is more about what MIL wants?

228agreenend · 23/03/2016 21:08

Although it will benefit their children, you are the ones insisting on it and organising it. You have said you don't mind paying, so I think you should pay, and not make a big issue out of it. Maybe they can't afford to,pay,

Gatehouse77 · 23/03/2016 21:11

If it is being done because of concerns you had, you pay. If BIL/SIL choose to contribute, bonus.

As an aside, our first house had a similar staircase as you're describing with no bannister. DS learnt to crawl and walk in that house and had no accidents. He used to scare me silly by leaning round. It was hard but we decided to ignore him when he did that rather than panic and draw attention to the behaviour. Figured he would only make the mistake once! (Not in a fatal sense but learning curve!!)

RandomMess · 23/03/2016 21:12

They are tight, it's who they are. Okay so their DC will benefit from this as well as yours that is clear but just remember they are never going to willing put their hands in their pockets and they are not generous people!!!

Lunar1 · 23/03/2016 21:12

You can't spend someone else's money. I think if you want this arrangement you will just have to pay.

PopcornFiend · 23/03/2016 21:13

When we moved into our house 2 years ago it didn't have a bannister. Death trap, we thought, for our then 3.5 yr old, though she was v careful and never fell. After a few months we paid a painful sum to a joiner to build us one. Since having the bannister DD has fallen downstairs no less than 3 times. Not helpful, sorry.

HanYOLO · 23/03/2016 21:14

You want it done, so you pay for it.

If you choose to think of them as tight that is your call but it is not necessarily an approach that is conducive to happy family relations.

LaConnerie · 23/03/2016 21:25

Just pay up and be happy that you wont have to worry about your DCs safety Smile

Also be grateful that your MIL agrees that the safety of her GC is more important than having her house the way she wants it.

And of course im not projecting at all

AcrossthePond55 · 23/03/2016 21:28

I'd look at it as I'm doing it to benefit MY child. If my DN benefits from it, fine, but I'm really only doing it for my child.

liinyo · 23/03/2016 21:30

If you can afford it, I would pay for it. £120 is a reasonable price to pay for peace of mind. We can't know what is going on with your in laws and you can't live your life waiting for them to see reason.

Obliviated · 23/03/2016 21:34

My Ds fell over the side of stairs like that. He was badly hurt and needed to see the surgeon to reattach his lips. His teeth had gone straight through them and back up into his gum. He will need extensive dental work. His grandmother still hasn't sorted it, it didn't occur to her. I think you're right to have the work done

Original poster
wannadancethenightaway · 23/03/2016 21:54

The childcare is free. Which is an enormous bonus and it's only right that if mil (as well as me, DH and BIL and SIL) feels she needs to add a bannister for safety then those who are saving hundreds of pounds a year in childcare should be gracious enough to foot the relatively small bill. I can't stress enough how "unskint" they are. I don't know many skint folk driving around in a top of the range Audi Q7 Confused

OP posts:
CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 23/03/2016 22:04

I think they are BU. They will benefit from it too, and its £60 (unless you are splitting 3 ways, and then its only £40). That's nothing compared to the safety of your child.

CosyNook · 23/03/2016 22:04

They don't have to pay because you have raised it as an issue. They will sit back and wait for you to organise AND pay for it, thus making it safe for their child.

However, the safety of my children would be more important, and one day they will want something from you......

SylviaWrath · 23/03/2016 22:33

then those who are saving hundreds of pounds a year in childcare should be gracious enough to foot the relatively small bill

Aren't you going to be saving hundreds of pounds a year? Then just pay the 120 quid and get on with it. It's a huge bargain for you whether they pay half or not.