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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to learn to swim?

70 replies

VelvetSpoon · 22/03/2016 18:10

And also to want not to be pestered about it?!

I'm in my 40s. Never been able to swim. Don't particularly like water. Not an issue. Both my DC are great swimmers and learnt in primary school.

However my boyfriend thinks it's important i learn, and often prompts me about it. How it's good exercise etc. Now he also nagged me about learning tp drive which i have given in about and am having lessons.

But I don't want to be pestered about swimming, either by him or his DC who also comment about the fact i can't swim and don't like water.

I feel like this doesn't impact anyone else and is my business...aibu??

OP posts:
Lotsofplanetshaveanorth · 22/03/2016 19:49

'Keeps the peace' 'not sure relationship would have lasted' hope he is making changes for you too

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 22/03/2016 19:52

If i wanted him to make,changes he,would, I've not hit on anything yet that I'd ask him to change. Maybe I'm less demanding than I think?!

OP posts:
Lotsofplanetshaveanorth · 22/03/2016 20:03
Smile
Mousefinkle · 22/03/2016 20:22

I didn't learn until I was ten at school. Prior to that I was absolutely petrified of the water. And honestly other than taking my DC into the baby pool which doesn't really count I hadn't really been swimming since I learnt until last year when my friend wanted me to go with her. Oh god it was horrible. I pretty much had a panic attack once I got past six feet which is exactly what used to happen when I was young. I was literally swimming for my life just so I could touch the end and feel a little bit safe again. And I consider myself quite fit too but fuck was it hard!

All these crazy theories about getting swept away at sea. Chances are even if you were the strongest swimmer you'd die in those (very rare!) circumstances. I don't think it's uber important. It's a skill that's never come in handy for me anyway, I imagine it doesn't for most people that aren't keen on it. Kinda like bike riding. I know how to ride one but I don't like doing it.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 22/03/2016 20:28

YANBU. I can swim a couple of strokes before sinking but that's it. I don't like water (I don't even like being on a boat) and I have no intention of learning now. Thankfully DH (who is a very strong swimmer) accepts this and hasn't tried to change my mind!

jevoudrais · 22/03/2016 20:47

YANBU.

Technically I can swim. I got my 10m badge but that was it. I hate swimming. I don't swim on holidays. I stand in the pool or walk but I don't swim.

It was left too late when I was little I think and then my school were pushy and it made me afraid. If my DP told me to get better at swimming I would be very pissy indeed. I hate hate hate it. I don't think people who are good swimmers get it.

As for a man saved a baby. Yes, well done that man, however, many people also die in such situations because whilst being advised against jumping in, they still do it anyway. I would say First Aid is a more useful life skill that a massive amount of the population don't have.

LetThereBeCupcakes · 22/03/2016 20:59

I'd also like to state for the record that I have nearly drowned twice. Both times were during swimming lessons. Had I never tried to learn I would never have nearly drowned in the first place.

Thisismyfirsttime · 22/03/2016 21:19

I wonder if those who don't think swimming is important send their DC's for swimming lessons/ teach them via other family to swim? I can swim and have been able to since very early on but I didn't for years and now I panic and convince myself I can't when I can.
Anyway, OP if you want to learn to swim, do. If you don't it's no-one else's business, you're an adult!
Driving lessons are also rather expensive to take if you're not bothered about driving, it's a personal choice and your dp should respect that!

greenfolder · 22/03/2016 21:51

Nope Yanbu. I never learnt as a child. I was filled with a desire to lawn when dd1 was a baby. I went and had lessons and learnt to swim within my depth. Preogressed to the first lesson that involved swimming from the shallow end to the deep and sank like a stone out of my depth, I have refused to try since.

TheStoic · 22/03/2016 23:31

You better hope you arent ever stranded in the ocean

We should probably all hope that.

Just tell him you won't be learning, and you don't want it mentioned again by him or his kids.

TendonQueen · 22/03/2016 23:37

I'm in the camp of thinking it's a life skill worth having, but given your partner's been so irritating about it I'd pick something he can't do - wallpapering, baking a sponge cake, whatever - and tell him when he's mastered that you'll try swimming.

TendonQueen · 22/03/2016 23:39

Actually, learning a language would be good. Something with a complex structure and preferably a new alphabet to learn too Wink

MadisonAvenue · 23/03/2016 00:04

YANBU. I can't swim. A swimming teacher when I was 10 took three of us non-swimmers down to the deep end during a lesson and, one by one, quickly pushed us all in and I've been afraid to try ever since. I've taken my kids and just lounged around in the baby pool or shallow end but that's as far as I'll go.

NoSquirrels · 23/03/2016 00:31

I don't think YABU,

You're 43, your DC are grown, you don't routinely hang out near water and you don't want to. So don't. Loads of adults can swim but choose never to go swimming. Fair enough. Much greater chance of being mown down crossing the road.

Well done on the driving - late learner here too, it's worth persevering although I know how bloody irritating the nagging/judgement can be!

PerspicaciaTick · 23/03/2016 00:44

The best thing about swimming is that you can still use it for exercise when you are old, with dodgy joints and a desire to keep at least slightly physically active.

DPotter · 23/03/2016 01:40

I can swim but I can't stand getting my ears wet - a left-over from the days when I used to get the most dreadful ear infections so I chose not to swim. Anyway I digress. You don't swim, have no interest in swimming and a DP and others who nag you about your inability to swim. To paraphrase a well worn MN phrase, you do not have a swimming problem, you have a problem with your DP.
You say your DP would change anything for you - here's his first challenge - to shut the f* up about the swimming already.
ps - there are other forms of exercise which can be done, with dodgy joints and when old and dodgy, which don't require you to get wet ears.......

EBearhug · 23/03/2016 02:23

I think everyone should learn to swim, but I didn't go on and on at the boyfriend who didn't - we talked about it once in a while, like if a trip was planned back home (which was near the sea, and I need a good dose of sea from time to time.) But going on at him all the time was a waste of my energy.

Is there a reason he's so insistent? I wonder if he knew someone who drowned because they couldn't swim or something. Have you tried to find out, or just been to busy saying no?

willowcatkin111 · 23/03/2016 02:45

My dh cannot swim and I have never nagged him to learn. He did take lessons once and when on holiday with a pool managed a length but he does not like the water. Both dc can swim and they now are the ones to try to get him to swim because they, having never known a time when they couldn't swim, really don't understand why he doesn't like it. I let him explain to them, I think they enjoy it so much they think he is missing out. I would certainly never nag him to do something he dislikes - what is the point of that? There are plenty of things he can do with them and he does still go into the pool and throw 'sinky sticks' for them which is pretty good considering he is not keen.
I think yadnbu

Narp · 23/03/2016 06:52

I don't think YABU

I think it's unlikely, give what you describe, that swimming is a necessary for you.

People are a bit hypocritical IMO - lots of us restrict our lives in big and small ways to avoid doing things we don't want to/ are afraid of doing. Swimming is not a big necessity, now you are an adult.

I can swim - whether it's well enough to save myself or anyone else, I don't know

tibbawyrots · 23/03/2016 07:05

I can't swim because I'm petrified of water after my teacher (not the swimming teacher) held my head under water because she thought I was ignoring the instructions. I wasn't - the swimming teacher had specified for five children to blow bubbles under water while she supervised them and I was in the next group waiting my turn. I was grabbed and held under water for what seemed like eternity and when she let me go I got out of the pool got dressed and ran home. My mother was furious with the teacher but the damage was done. I know I'll never swim but my dd is a strong confident swimmer and is training to be a lifeguard.

tibbawyrots · 23/03/2016 07:08

Even if I'm watching a film where there's an underwater scene I have to stand up so my head is above the water iyswim.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 23/03/2016 07:12

I think it's an essential life skill TBH and that everyone should learn if they can. You might never need it but you never know.

Mistigri · 23/03/2016 07:32

Swimming seems to be one of those things that's very hard to learn to do as an adult.

I have a friend who can't swim (despite growing up partly in the Caribbean!). He is an amazing sportsman - he's the senior coach at my son's cycling club and races BMX bikes. He's tried on many occasions to learn how to swim, but he just sinks!

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 23/03/2016 07:40

There's lots of things that could be useful in an emergency situation. I'd be interested to know how many people drown from not being able to swim. I suspect rather a lot more die from being out swimming and getting into a bad situation (or swimming when drunk etc).

Mistigri · 23/03/2016 08:02

I would imagine the vast majority of adult drownings are of people who can swim - non-swimming adults tend to be much more risk averse around water.