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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children unattended at a theme park

65 replies

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 22/03/2016 06:03

STBXH and I are going through a very acrimonious divorce. We have three children, aged 8, 6 and 4. DC1 has epilepsy, which is currently controlled through medication although we are aware that as DC1 grows them the dosage needed to control the epilepsy will change and we should expect what are termed breakthrough seizures at some point (at which point we'll rebalance his meds).

I genuinely don't know if I'm over-reacting to something that happened last weekend because, frankly, I'm struggling to see any good in anything STBXH does at present. I'd really appreciate the view of the MN on this.

Last weekend, STBXH took the DCs to a theme park. The DCs seem to have had a brilliant time, which is great. From their excited descriptions, I understand that for most of the rides DC1 was tall/old enough to go on unaccompanied, and that STBXH was able to accompany both DC2 and DC3 at the same time - so all four of them were able ride together.

However, there was one rollercoaster that DC3 was too small/young to go on at all, and DC2 could only ride with one-on-one adult supervision. STBXH queued with all three, then let DC1 ride unaccompanied while he waited to with DC2 and DC3. I''m OK with that.

The part I'm not comfortable with is that STBXH then went on the ride with DC2, leaving DC1 in charge of DC3. I think for around 5 minutes. They weren't in a special family area, as far as I can tell, they were at the side of the ride. DC1 says that DC3 tried to run away (which I can completely believe of DC3, who would have thought it was funny) and DC1 had to 'hurt him a little bit to make him stop'.

None of the DCs can recite STBXH's phone number; what if DC3 had succeeded in running away? What if DC1 had run after him and they'd both got lost? What if DC1 had had a seizure (far less likely, but possible)? What if DC1 had hurt DC3 more seriously to make him stop running away?

So - MN jury - am I over-reacting?

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/03/2016 08:03

I wouldn't do it. But I also think he hasn't done anything wrong. His time with the dc, his call to make. I can't see that he actually endangered them at all.

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 22/03/2016 08:11

YABU
I've been that parent: he deserves a
Theme parks are a nightmare for this, he did what any single parent would have done in the circumstances. It was either that or middle child misses out or they don't go at all. The only other option is asking a random adult around if your kid can sit with them, am pretty sure he would be getting flak had he done that too. It is a nice trip he did for them, one which my own dp would avoid because it's damned hard work.

Arpege · 22/03/2016 08:11

I think you're overreacting, and judging from the responses this is just one of those decisions which you have to make as a parent - some are comfortable doing it and some are not.

You're going to have to work really, really hard on letting go of the idea that you can control how he parents otherwise you'll have a miserable time of it over the next few years. You cannot control how he is with the kids on his own time, short of him doing something seriously neglectful (which is a million miles away from this situation you have described).

You need to try and put the anger and bitterness aside and let him get on with it his own way.

ohtheholidays · 22/03/2016 08:20

No your right OP far to young and one of your children having epilepsy as well makes it all the more stupid of a thing for your ex to have done.

What a bloody Moron,when we go to theme parks they usually have signs up or staff reciting the fact that children under a certain age need to have an adult with them at all times.

I can remember being at Legoland not that long ago and some parents got a real telling off because they'd let they're young children wonder off on they're own,they were all under 10 as well and I know at Thorpe Park they're quite vocal about young children having to be supervised by someone over 18 at all times.
Once they're teenagers it's different and then they're usually with other teens they're own age they're not left in charge of a much younger child.
Your ex is very lucky that nothing happened.

RustyRobot · 22/03/2016 08:22

I don't know about leaving the children because my eldest is younger and has ASD. But my DD (4) is a bolter and when she went off for the day with MIL, who was worried she would run away, I wrote MIL's telephone number on DD and told her to show it to someone if she couldn't find granny.

Aeroflotgirl · 22/03/2016 08:42

It is not the ride operator responsibility to babysit op children, that is not on, nor other parents, considering the circumstances, that was a very bad move.

IsItMeOr · 22/03/2016 08:44

Theme parks can be a challenge.

You can't do much when it's your Ex's turn in charge. I wonder if you could make sure that all the DC had his mobile number somewhere about their person before they set off? We either do the wristband, or a piece of paper in DS's pocket.

I'm assuming your DS1 has an alert message about his epilepsy?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/03/2016 09:52

Thorpe Park and Legoland offer this as a service to groups who have more kids than adults. The ride operator keeps an official eye out and the kids are not free in the park they are by the internal gate. It's not OP's ex relying on favours it's an official thing.

araiba · 22/03/2016 10:20

yabu

theme parks are aware of situations where there are more children than parents. they queue together and then a parent rides with one child whilst the other waits by the ride. then the kids swap over.

otherwise many children would not be able to go

Birdsgottafly · 22/03/2016 11:24

If he going to do that, then you need to be speaking to your youngest about the running off etc.

I used to write the children's names, my name (pre mobiles) on a piece of paper and put it in one of their pockets. That was some time ago and as said, there are wristbands etc that you can get now.

I would have left mine at that age, but mine wouldn't have gone off and there are concerns that if we up the security on Transport, then Tourist venues might be hit, I don't know if I would over this summer tbh.

Theladyloriana · 22/03/2016 11:33

I've thought bout what you posted op... and I've got to say, hats off to him for taking them all to a theme park alone! My exh wouldn't do that

Paperchaserr · 22/03/2016 11:34

A reasonable thing to do imo, I've done similar myself many times. I would always make sure that any child too young to know my phone number has it written inside a wristband, I would also tell the four year old that running off means no more visits to theme parks. An enclosed theme park with lots of staff and other parents around is actually a pretty safe place.

Griphook · 22/03/2016 11:37

Op yabu completely unreasonable. In Legoland on one of the rides they have 2 chairs for children who are waiting to either go on the ride or waiting for their parent and sibling to get off. Most parks do it it's called parent/child swap.

DurhamDurham · 22/03/2016 11:46

I think your ex did the best he could given that he was the only adult with three young children. It was bound to happen that not everyone could go on every ride all together, he made a judgement call and all was well. You'd hate it if your ex started to question your judgements so I think you should leave it, you said yourself that the children had a great day.

LynetteScavo · 22/03/2016 11:48

If he going to do that, then you need to be speaking to your youngest about the running off etc.

Bet the OP's never thought of that!

Original poster

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 22/03/2016 13:55

Thank you all for your replies.

I'm actually very relieved to find that this is a thing and that I don't need to worry. I didn't want to have to raise it with STBXH because I'm scared of him (he's EA and FA).

I'm picking my battles with STBXH very carefully, trying very hard to identify areas where there is actual harm done or risked (forgetting to give DC1 his meds; telling the children that I can't love being in our family any more because if I did I wouldn't be leaving Daddy; on one occasion trying to take sole charge of them while still drunk after a night out; refusing to hand over their passports for a holiday) and letting the rest go (forgetting to brush their teeth; not giving them a balanced diet; letting them stay up very late on a school night).

OP posts:

amarmai · 22/03/2016 14:06

he's taking chances with dcc -he has not thought things thru. YANBU - not only because ot the sits you have described here, but with his mindset something will happen at some point. Plus the 8 yr old being put under stress looking after the 4 yr old, is more likely to have an episode despite the medi, which also has many effects .BTW i have epilepsy and stress is one of my triggers..

JanetOfTheApes · 22/03/2016 15:05

I think the yabu's are a bit like your xdh, they havent thought it through.

An 8 year old minding a 4 year old is not ideal, but for 5 mins while parent is on the ride, maybe grand if you're ok with it.
An 8 year old minding a 4 year old who would think it funny to run off in the 5 mins in a crowded theme park, a lot less ok. Really not a good plan.
An 8 year old with epilepsy and a four year old who would think it funny to run off in the 5 mins in a crowded theme park......fucking ridiculous plan. Seriously. Terrible plan all round.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/03/2016 15:14

They aren't just roaming the theme park though. They are standing by the side of the ride in the area where people get off (which will be deserted since people are on the ride)

I think it's a marginal decision but ok in general.

Btw I doubt it was even 5 minutes. Most rides don't last very long at all

arethereanyleftatall · 22/03/2016 15:15

This is absolutely standard. When I take my two girls on my own I do this. As do lots of others as there is alwYs a 3/4 year old ish standing next to a ride waiting.

saoirse31 · 22/03/2016 16:32

What did the 8 yr old do to hurt the 4 yr old? Would find that the least impressive thing , depending on how he hurt him tbh.

JanetOfTheApes · 22/03/2016 16:43

The four year old would have been roaming the theme park if the 8 year old hadn't managed to stop them.

NotAnotherNameChangeAgain · 22/03/2016 16:49

I realise this is slightly off topic but if I'm ever going to a busy public place with kids I look after (I'm a Nanny) then I write my name and my mobile number on their arm(s). In the unlikely event that we are separated - I can (hopefully!) be easily contacted!

In answer to the OP, it totally depends on the 8 year old but I'd lean towards it not being a great idea but it's circumstantial too

Ameliablue · 22/03/2016 18:35

I think it is ok except for the fact your 4 yo is inclined to run away. Which means he does need an adult to stay with him.

KimmySchmidtsSmile · 22/03/2016 20:17

Just seen your last post OP, YADNBU on the rest of it...and you definitely have it right on the other issues what to confront and what to let go.
Meds: non negotiable
Emotional blackmail/abuse/putting your DC in the middle of your divorce: inexcusable
Drunk in charge: non negotiable
Passport withholding: unforgivable

So....your ex is a wanker but this you know or he would not be your ex. Let this one go and save your strength to fight another day.

for you too. You are a for putting up with that crap. Worried you feel scared re confrontations though...assume your ex in-laws cannot help mediate/see your side. Assume you also keeping a log of incidents that are inexcusable, you might need it. I still would not consider this one of them but the others are, definitely.

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