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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to give them a lift?

31 replies

Joolsy · 20/03/2016 11:32

DD1 and her 2 friends (12) were going to catch a bus for the 1st time into town. I dropped her off at friend's house in plenty of time, however, the 2 friends decided to start doing their breakfast when we arrived. Friend's mum and I kept warning them they would miss the bus if they didn't hurry up. They finally left the house with minutes to spare, and surprise surprise, they missed the bus. Friend's mum then asked me to run them into town in my car. I refused, saying that they should have been more organised (this was late morning, so plenty of time to have breakfast before we arrived). I felt bad for DD1 but she seemed fine about it & happy to wait for next bus an hour later. Friend's mum called me "mean" as she was going to collect them from town later and thought I should do my bit. I said she didn't need to collect them as they could get the bus back! She said "ah but I'm a nice mummy" and I said "so am I"! I think it's an important life lesson to make sure you leave enough time to catch a bus without mum always there to pick up the pieces if you miss it. Was IBU?

OP posts:
IceMaiden73 · 20/03/2016 11:35

I think if it's the first time then yes I would have given them a lift, but made it very clear that it is a one off and they need to learn from it

Birdsgottafly · 20/03/2016 11:38

This is how you learn to time buses, by missing them. If transport is limited where you are, then they need to get their timings right, more so than my teens did, with buses every fifteen minutes.

I was going to say that you were being mean, but they should only be getting a lift one way, this will help to build so they can be more independent over the Summer.

You've got ages until they can even ride Mopeds.

wowfudge · 20/03/2016 11:38

No - the other mum is setting herself up for a stack of trouble as her DD gets older too. I don't really understand why you hung around after dropping off. If you had left then the conversation wouldn't even have happened.

Original poster
Joolsy · 20/03/2016 11:39

I hung around for a cuppa as she's a friend of mine and hadn't seen her for a while. I soon left though!

OP posts:
Jw35 · 20/03/2016 11:42

She was rude to you! Be a mean mummy op that way your dd will learn responsibility and that's so important!
Can you imagine if you bail them out what will be their incentive to make the bus in time next time? No I think you were right but it's out of order for the other mum to put pressure on you and call you mean

curren · 20/03/2016 11:42

Yanbu. I wouldn't have done it either.

Sparklingbrook · 20/03/2016 11:44

Why couldn't friends Mum take them in if she was that bothered?

Original poster
Joolsy · 20/03/2016 11:49

Sparkling - she did!

OP posts:
JolseBaby · 20/03/2016 12:02

More fool her then!

Sparklingbrook · 20/03/2016 12:05

How are they getting home?

OneMillionScovilles · 20/03/2016 12:06

Wow - she was barely putting the 'passive' into 'passive agressive'... YWNBU.

peggyundercrackers · 20/03/2016 12:07

sorry I think it sounds a bit mean. yes people need to learn how to do things themselves but I don't know anyone IRL who would have left them waiting at a bus stop for an hour - I guess people say all sorts on the internet though.

Anniegetyourgun · 20/03/2016 12:07

YANBU. Useful life lesson for a 12 year old: make sure you miss the bus so you get a nice comfy lift door to door. That's really going to help them learn to be punctual on their own initiative isn't it Hmm

Evabeaversprotege · 20/03/2016 12:07

I would've but we live very rurally & there wouldn't have been another bus for hours.

My dd (14) get a bus at 9.13 on a Saturday for a class that starts at 11 as there see no 10am buses. It's what you do here.

A lift one way is different, I would often pick her up after her activity if I am in town anyway, but would never make a special trip just to pick her up.

Sparklingbrook · 20/03/2016 12:08

I think going in for a drink with the friends Mum was a mistake and not one to be repeated. Drop and drive off from now on.

bloodyteenagers · 20/03/2016 12:09

Great life lesson.
Faff around, miss bus, not a problem mum will give me a lift.
Next week, faff, won't even bother walking to the bus stop will just get mum to give me a lift.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 20/03/2016 12:10

I would have laughed and ignored. Children can't learn if they're coddled like fools.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 20/03/2016 12:11

Laughed at and ignored the other parent that is. Just to clarify.

OnlyLovers · 20/03/2016 12:12

No, YANBU, and tbh your friend's comment was a bit twattish.

I don't think it does kids any favours to ferry them about in cars all the time; how are they meant to learn to take responsibility for getting themselves about?

Birdsgottafly · 20/03/2016 12:12

""but I don't know anyone IRL who would have left them waiting at a bus stop for an hour - I guess people say all sorts on the internet""

I took it that they could have went back the house for a bit, or killed time in the way that teens do.

Sparklingbrook · 20/03/2016 12:14

I assumed they returned to the house too. They didn't have to wait at the bus stop for the whole hour.

Jw35 · 20/03/2016 12:16

I say what they think on the Internet, no reason to lie! My 12 year old would have to wait for the next bus!

Arfarfanarf · 20/03/2016 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClarenceTheLion · 20/03/2016 12:23

Perhaps the friends mother didn't want them at home for another hour, presumably your dd was being dropped off in time to catch the bus?

But then it's still on the other family for dragging their feet and being late.

eddielizzard · 20/03/2016 12:34

a 'nice mummy' and a 'good mummy' are two different things.

i believe it's important to teach our kids life skills and the sooner they learn them the better. so i think you did the right thing. i don't think giving them a lift would help, and i think they should get the bus back too!

your friend is being a bit of a plonker.