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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these hours might be too exhausting?

78 replies

PregnantAndEngaged · 20/03/2016 08:26

I am back to work off maternity leave on Monday and I'm a bit concerned I've not asked for my hours wisely. At the time I asked for them I was thinking of spending maximum time with my son and reducing expenditure on childcare as my partner could look after him in the evenings.

Monday: wake up at 7am, look after son until 1pm, travel to work from 1.30, work starts at 3pm until 9pm, travel home and get home at 10.30pm.
Tues and Weds off but looking after son
Thurs: same as Mon
Fri: same as Mon
Sat and Sun off, looking after son but can delegate some responsibility to partner.

Note I never get a lie in as he wakes at 7am without fail. I appreciate I still get 4 days 'off' though and I think this is why I chose awful hours, but I'm feeling shattered and I haven't actually started work yet. Starting to feel stupid for choosing the hours I did.

Someone tell me this is manageable and I won't be completely exhausted and run down!

OP posts:
brummiesue · 20/03/2016 09:19

Your child wakes at 7 (which I would kill for)
You work 3 6hr shifts a week (which I would kill for)
I really don't know why you are worrying, your commute is the problem, can't you just learn to drive and get a cheap runaround??

cornishglos · 20/03/2016 09:19

I think you'll be fine. It'll become your new normal. I did a lot more, and worked evenings with my first. It was exhausting but I survived!

cornishglos · 20/03/2016 09:20

It's not childcare, it's your child. OR have I misaed something?

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 20/03/2016 09:22

Totally fine, it's eighteen hours a week! That's barely anything. How on earth do you think parents who work full time cope?

eurochick · 20/03/2016 09:22

I work full time, with a 1hr15 commute each way. I don't love it but it's certainly doable. Obviously I have childcare at each end of the day. I get no downtime but I think that's standard for parents of young children!

Finola1step · 20/03/2016 09:24

As others have said, the week does look manageable. Use your commute for some down time. Read a book. Or use it productively. I used to use my commute to do my online food shop, catch up with emails etc.

The key is to re look at the weekends. If you are both off at the weekends, then the parenting and household is shared equally. Not you doing it all with dad "watching" the dc for a few hours while you catch up with housework. Aim for a lie in for both of you and some family time.

But I suggest you make something vv clear now. When you are on evening shift, do you expect to come home and then have to tidy up the mess created since you left? Dinner stuff still need washing up, toys needing put away etc. If I was coming in at half ten, I would expect dc sound asleep un bed, kitchen sorted, living room tidy. But I would do this if my dh was working late too.

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 20/03/2016 09:28

I think you've got this the right way round (ds first, work after-I did ds to nursery, commute work commute nursery home tea bed)

It means you dont have to do teatime/bedtime after work-which I always looked forward to while I was at work, but actually hated as both me and ds were exhausted -it was a long while ago and what stands out is tinned ravioli

TINNED RAVIOLI Shock

I had a similar commute. To my surprise I loved it it was the high spot of my day

And you can have a lovely snooze on the return leg...i swear you dont miss your stop, it's like you've been programmed

BrieAndChilli · 20/03/2016 09:30

Ive just spent 7 years working 6pm to anywhere between midnight and 2am. 4 evenings a week - tues thur fri and sat.
I have 3 children who all started school within that time so until this September had a child at home in the day, school runs, activities and tea to make etc.
I coped but I was generally knackered. I now work during the day while they are in school and I feel much better.
The cost of 3 in childcare wouldn't have been worth me working drink the day, and I wanted to stay home with the children anyway.

witsender · 20/03/2016 09:38

Don't count the looking after son in the mornings...you can chill out round the house and just potter. Other than that you are doing 18 hrs a week, so shouldn't be too exhausting at all.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/03/2016 09:40

Sounds about normal to me.

Conflictedkate · 20/03/2016 09:41

Honestly? This is a walk in the park. Being at home with your child is not work it is being home.....

RaskolnikovsGarret · 20/03/2016 09:51

Sorry OP, I am astonished you think this is hard work. It sounds amazingly easy to me - I don't know anyone with such short hours and with the bonus of a sleeping baby who doesn't wake until 7!! Envy Many like me will have been up all night with the baby, up for work at 6am, home at 7pm, with baby baths etc to do after that, 5 days a week. I think you are just not used to it, but I think you will be fine. The commute sounds fine to me too, but I do live in London.

longestlurkerever · 20/03/2016 09:53

Oh two buses not quite as conducive to home on a train "me time". Do you like cycling? See how it goes, you can always change things around. He will get some free childcare hours when he's 3.

esiotrot2015 · 20/03/2016 09:55

Aw op I think you're just nervous about starting a new routine with a baby too
What work do you do ?

ApproachingATunnel · 20/03/2016 10:00

Hours look ok to me.

Can i just point out that 7am would be a lie in for a lot of us! Both mine are 5am risers and by now i've done 6.5 years of waking up way earlier than i'd choose to and then going to work (full time for 4 years, only now slightly reduced).

You get used to it (im short fused as a result but hey ho!)

Runningupthathill82 · 20/03/2016 10:02

Another one who thinks this sounds like a breeze. Sorry. A lie in til 7 every day, then a few hours pottering around with a baby, a chance to read on a train and then a 6-hr shift? Only three days a week?!
Honestly, OP, I think you will find this very easygoing. Or at least you should. Don't panic!

Danglyweed · 20/03/2016 10:06

Sounds ok to me. I had a baby and toddler to look after mon-fri 7am-530pm then would work 6-11pm mon, tues, wed and fri. Then sat+sun usually 12-11, often though 8am-11pm.

Thisisnotausername · 20/03/2016 10:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WoodliceCollection · 20/03/2016 10:14

Seems fine to me too (not wanting to repeat what Thisisnotausername says). If your partner is not helping, he needs a kick up the arse to do more- like doing at least one of the morning wakings on weekend so you both get a lie in, but that's all. Doesn't seem especially long hours or an especially long commute to me, although learning to drive may help (I'd be over an hour commute by bus, less than half an hour by car or motorbike).

Cheby · 20/03/2016 10:18

Sounds pretty easy to me. I'm going to be kind because going back to work after mat leave is daunting and it's sad to leave your baby. But 3 six hour shifts is hardly going to work you to the bone.

I went back FT (40 hour weeks) when DD was 11 months. She was in my staff nursery, and I had a 90 minute commute into central London and back, with her, every day. She woke regularly through the night and we all had to be out of the house by 6.30am to get to work, not returning until 6.30pm usually. I'll admit that was hard work. But we managed it and I didn't collapse from exhaustion at any point.

DD is 3 now and I would still call 7am a lie in!

MrsSteptoe · 20/03/2016 10:36

I think you'll be OK, OP. Develop a good relaxing reading habit on the bus (or sudokus, or listening to an audio book/music, whatever your thing is) so that you feel rejuvenated by your commute rather than stressed by it.
You are doing broadly what DH and I did - I have worked evenings for years so that DH and I could cox and box around childcare. I assume you're reasonably young, since your child is young, and presumably you won't be doing it for ever.
When DS was your age, I was doing five eight-hour shifts a night, working till 2am. OK, I wouldn't get up till 10am, but then I had him all day and then went off to work in the evening. When he was a bit older, I dropped a shift. Now I'm over 50, my DS is 13, I'm still doing four shifts, one of which doesn't finish till 4am, and I'm depressed and depleted, but you're not there yet.
If your experience is like mine, you'll just revel in the opportunity to spend time with your young DC which the working parents among your friends won't get.
Make sure you and your DH share the lie-ins. Wink

MrsSteptoe · 20/03/2016 10:41

Aw op I think you're just nervous about starting a new routine with a baby too
yy to this. It sounds like you'll be fine.

Piemernator · 20/03/2016 10:53

I think it's ok and can understand why you have mightily peeved some other posters. The worst for me was working for up to 50 hours a week for 2 years, I regret that if I'm honest though the money was amazing. I actually took an enormous paycut and got a better balance as it wasn't sustainable with DC.

My friend was very fretful like you and ended up giving up her job after returning for one week and she earned a lot more than her DH.

Diamogs · 20/03/2016 11:04

OP I'm sorry you are getting some snippy responses, it's your first baby and understandable that it feels daunting, but honestly you will be fine, it's just a matter of getting into a routine, whether you are doing 18 hours or 50 hours. And I say this as someone who went back to work at 10 weeks with a 4 hour commute.

Is there any way you can learn to drive? A third of your time out of the house seems to be commuting which is huge.

witsender · 20/03/2016 11:06

Come and teach my two to wake at 7, we celebrate when they make it past 0630. Yawn.