To think these hours might be too exhausting?

[PregnantAndEngaged]

I am back to work off maternity leave on Monday and I'm a bit concerned I've not asked for my hours wisely. At the time I asked for them I was thinking of spending maximum time with my son and reducing expenditure on childcare as my partner could look after him in the evenings.

Monday: wake up at 7am, look after son until 1pm, travel to work from 1.30, work starts at 3pm until 9pm, travel home and get home at 10.30pm.
Tues and Weds off but looking after son
Thurs: same as Mon
Fri: same as Mon
Sat and Sun off, looking after son but can delegate some responsibility to partner.

Note I never get a lie in as he wakes at 7am without fail. I appreciate I still get 4 days 'off' though and I think this is why I chose awful hours, but I'm feeling shattered and I haven't actually started work yet. Starting to feel stupid for choosing the hours I did.

Someone tell me this is manageable and I won't be completely exhausted and run down!

That sounds very manageable to me. Cook in advance so you're not faffing around cooking at 10:30 but apart from that it sounds fine.

I didn't mean the work hours.. I just meant the fact Mon, Thurs and Fri will be from 7am until 10.30pm.

Dont forget to factor in winding down in the evening. My shift finishes at 11pm and im home for 11.30pm but I cannot sleep until about 1am as I need to wind down and relax, maybe have a bath and some supper.

My kids are up from 6am, but I have a marvellous dh who gets up then witb them and wakes me ten mins before he leaves the house with a brew. At the weekends we have one lie in each.

Seriously your other half needs a kick up the arse.

Its a lot of commuting for 18hrs per week. Is it worth it?

The problem here is not your work hours. Seriously. 6 hours work a day is not a lot.
Getting up at 7am is a lie in for most parents. 7am wake up time for babies / toddlers is the aim in the baby books. It is the gold star of wake up times.

The real issues here are:

1. your commute. Presumably youre on a great wage to justify a 3 hour daily commute. Is there nothing at all closer? Even on slightly less pay that would counter the travel and time costs?
2. Your partner. Yes he works 5 Days a week but you should still get some down time at some point.

I used to work shifts of either 12-10 or 2-10 with an hour commute each way whilst looking after 3 under 6, honestly you do manage.
However I was on my own, as you have a partner I would be asking him to take one of the weekend mornings so you can both get a lie in a week.
You cope with things when you have to, but you don't have to cope with no break. what ever hours you work you won't get a lie in ever if your DC's other parent chooses not to act as equally responsible for his care, and you go along with it!

3 til 9 three days a week?

You can't count childcare in that. That's just called being at home.

I agree the commute sounds a bitch.

That sounds really good to me :) you will get used to it, but I think your OH should do more in the house/childcare if you're having to do it all.

It's so hard when they aren't at school/nursery. I used to do 3 or 4 shifts 4pm til 1am then have 7 days off (sounds complicated but the full time rota was 3 earlies, 4 lates, 3 days off then 4 earlies, 3 lates, 4 days off then back to the start, so after having DC1 I dropped the earlies so my hubby could work 7 til 4 mon-Fri and I did the lates with my Mum coming over to babysit for half an hour in between). You have got to do these things when the kids are younger as childcare is so expensive.

The thing that worries me about your plan is the commute is so long for a 6 hour shift. That is probably going to be the hardest bit but I think you might enjoy the peace. Haha.

Looking back I see my hours were tiring but I liked having a good time off inbetween. Think it's harder now I work full time office hours.

18 hours work and 1 baby to look after is much less than many have to do.

However, 6 hours of commuting is a lot for a low paid job - are there no other options?

1 lie in each at the weekend.

I know this is not meant to be competitive but full time is usually 40 hours a week and you're doing 18!!

I think it's do-able. Plenty of people working more regular hours find themselves going from 6am to 9.30pm between work and minding children.

There is a benefit to what you're doing as well, which is that your 7am starts are 'soft' starts - you don't have to be out of the house by a certain time to make it to work by 8 or 9. If you have a bad night, there's a chance of baby sleeping longer (and therefore you), and even if that doesn't happen you don't have to be firing on all cylinders in the morning.

Also, is your commute on public transport? If so, that's 3 hours of downtime, and if it is a case of you drive yourself, mentally it's not as demanding as minding children or working.

Another who thinks it's the commute that'll be the difficult thing - although yiu may come to relish that you time each day!

I'd suggest making salads, pastas etc for your dinner - eat in the journey home so when you arrive home you are ready to shower, read, go to bed or whatever.

Yep you will be fine. Commute sounds crap but the actual days sound more than doable. Just accept you'll be tired and don't put too much pressure on yourself to have everything perfect the next day.
I didn't want to use childcare when mine were little and I had a job that was flexible enough to allow this. So I'd be up with DC at 7.30am and spend most of the day with them then leave for work when now exH came back from work at 5pm, get to work for 6pm and work til 2am then drive home and in bed for 3am. I could only manage this 3 days a week though. I tried 4 but it was too hard!
I work 2 nights a week now with my second lot of small people. And it feels harder but I'm 10 years older so think that has a part to play.

You will be fine. Without being snippy-I'm out the house 7.15am-5pm 3 days a week and 7.15am-10pm 2 days a week. Ds regularly wakes at 5am and dh works shifts so I do any or all night wakings and all early starts. It's the new normal. Just make sure you get to bed nice and early on your non working days and you'll be fine. Going back after mat leave is always a shock!

Youarentkiddingme, yes I think you are right. I might use the commute as down time and also eat my tea on the bus :)

Actually if this three hours a day on a train I could definitely be down with that.

I'm a LP working 50+ hours a week. I think you'll be fine!

Surely you have downtime when at home with your dc during the day? I know quite a few mums who work these sort of hours to save on childcare , only one of them has one dc, the others have 2/3. You will get used to it and least you get time at home with your dc during the day.
The next day you'll be a bit tired at 7am but so are parents who pick up dc from a day at work/nursery and have to go home to do dinner/bath/bed. That's the life f a mum!

I went to college and placement full time with number 4 so I think you'll manage. As you have a long commute but it is on buses you are not having to drive. You'll be able to wind down then.
Agree 7am is bliss with kids one of mine was up for the day at 5am! Have your meal ready to heat up, slow cooker meal or a salad so when you get in you can eat, warm bath or shower and bed. You'll soon get into a routine. Lovely snuggles with baby the rest of the time. Great:)

The work is fine

Your issue is:

1. no shared parenting. Why are you doing it all? Your partner shouldt very minimum be letting you have one long lie in at the weekend. And if he doesn't leave at 7am, then can get up with baby some days until he does leave. Even him getting up and handing baby over at 7.45am when he goes is better

2. commute. Have you looked at taking driving lessons? Can you do two days but longer hours so your only commuting twice a week? Can you look at another job closer so your saving 3 hrs travel a day?

18 hours of work is really not a lot and 7am IS a lie in when you have children! The rest of the "childcare" is called being a parent. Could you learn to drive if it's using two buses that makes the commute long? Or cycle? I honestly thought this would be someone who was at home with a child all day and working 10 hour night shifts as well, not only 18 hours per week at a time when most people are awake. We get up at 6.30am mon-fri, leave the house at 7.40am.

Sounds like a good working routine tbh. Working and raising children is tiring. 6.5 hours shifts are not bad at all. Just make sure you eat properly. I'm assuming you get a break at some point at work so just prepare on your days off and take something decent to eat and don't eat rubbish at work or when you get home late or you will feel sluggish and probably end up eating out of routine on your days off too.

I will honest 7am is not a really early start. Sorry.

I get the impression this isn't just about work hours though and more that her OH is not supportive/doesn't pull his weight.

3 til 9 three days a week?You can't count childcare in that. That's just called being at home.

Yes-I agree. You can't really complain that your days are 15.5 hour when a large amount of that is just being a parent.

An 18 hour working week sounds great. Your partner needs to step up though and can you learn to drive? Or find a more local job?

I would kill for a 7am start

Commute sounds tough but if you can get your DP to share childcare and household chores equally this sounds like it will be lovely for you.

It will be knackering, obviously, but I'm pretty sure no matter what hours you do you'll be knackered with a baby.

Good luck!

Tbh I think you are right, I will be fine and am lucky :) I just thought back and think I have done far worse.

Used to work 2 x 10 hour shifts, 1 x 8 hour shift, travel from Brighton to Guildford on a Weds morning at 5am to university and study all day and not get home until 9pm, and then on my mornings and evenings before and after work and my weekends I would study (about 25 hours per week).. did that while I was heavily pregnant. If I can do that, I can do 3 x 6 hour shifts, childcare and 9 hours of commute a week.