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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with dh - illness related

32 replies

anyoldname76 · 20/03/2016 07:15

my dh has got a cold at the mo, sore throat, headache and a bit of a cough. yesterday he lost his voice, couldn't speak all day, i went out so i bought him some medicine, then i took the dc the park to give him some peace and quiet.
anyway once the dc were in bed he spoke, when i said oh your voice is back he said that he'd been able to talk for ages Hmm

why would you pretend your voice had gone? he was even writing notes.

aibu to be pissed iff and unsympathetic to his minor ailments, hes currently heavy breathing on the settee 😈

OP posts:
thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 07:18

Yanbu if you want him to act the same towards you when you are ill. If you want him to be sympathetic etc then yabu!

Original poster
anyoldname76 · 20/03/2016 07:19

i was sympathetic until i found out he'd been pretending he'd lost his voice

OP posts:
LastOneDancing · 20/03/2016 07:21

I have no patience with people milking minor illness either. Just have a lemsip and crack on.

YANBU.

AristotlesTrousers · 20/03/2016 07:21

Oh, I couldn't be doing with that. I think I'd be starting with a "cold" today, and tell DH it's his turn to look after the kids. Either that, or call him on it every time he does this.

AristotlesTrousers · 20/03/2016 07:22

Oh, YANBU

Original poster
anyoldname76 · 20/03/2016 07:24

We're all going out for lunch today so I'll see if he 'loses' his voice again Angry

OP posts:
firesidechat · 20/03/2016 07:49

Did he give an explanation as to why he did this? I know there is a general assumption that men turn every minor ailment into man flu, but to pretend that he has lost his voice is more than a bit odd.

Original poster
anyoldname76 · 20/03/2016 07:53

no explanation, i found it really odd as well, he is the sort to turn every minor illness into a deathbed condition, if im ever ill he always gets it worse.

OP posts:
thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 07:55

Did he actually pretend to have no voice or just not mention it was better - maybe it just didn't come up? reveals fatal flaw of trying to believe the best in everyoneGrin

Original poster
anyoldname76 · 20/03/2016 08:02

everytime i spoke to him or asked him how it was he would either write a note or just do hand signals etc, as soon as the kids went bed he started speaking normally, i asked him why he would pretend but he didnt really answer then started talking in a gravelly voice. its all a bit bizarre

OP posts:
AristotlesTrousers · 20/03/2016 08:04

I'm wondering, did he just not talk at all, or did he talk in a croaky voice? I guess it's possible he hadn't noticed it was 'better' if he hadn't been talking

It must get irritating if he hams up his illnesses every time, though.

AristotlesTrousers · 20/03/2016 08:04

Sorry, X post. It all sounds a bit dramatic for a genuine lost voice.

Original poster
anyoldname76 · 20/03/2016 08:08

at one point i did ask him if he had tried to speak and he replied by nodding his head and trying to say yes but nothing really came out. he had glandular fever as a child and he says that always makes whatever illness he's got worse (i know nothing about glandular fever so that is possibly correct)

OP posts:
thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 08:13

Ok that makes it really odd sounds like he was avoiding helping with the kids and chores etc . Which is really annoying so I revise my opinion and say yanbu.

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 08:13

Also I don't think glandular fever makes things worse decades later!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/03/2016 08:14

Maybe speaking hurt?

BillBrysonsBeard · 20/03/2016 08:16

It is odd if he genuinely could speak again, maybe he just wanted an extended break from parenthood and didn't want to speak to the kids Grin

Error404usernamenotfound · 20/03/2016 08:18

YANBU. I get that when you have a bad cold everything is harder to deal with, as it can make you feel genuinely ill and uncomfortable, but to refuse to do anything and to pretend to be worse than you are to get out of behaving like an adult with responsibilities is pathetic.

Treat him like the boy who cried wolf; next time he insists he's ill, remind him of this episode and refuse to take up the slack for him. That'll learn him...

Themodernuriahheap · 20/03/2016 08:19

When I get a cold I lose my voice but it comes and goes. So like your DH I sound a bit if a fraud. If I talk constantly it's ok, as soon as I stop it goes and I have yo have hot drinks and force it.

And I had GF etc, and actually, it has made things worse for the 30 years since I got it.

So I'm sympathetic. But on the other hand he sounds like a drama king.

Gobbolino6 · 20/03/2016 08:31

I think I'd assume he was conveniently 'ill' until the kids were in bed and there was no work to be done.

Original poster
anyoldname76 · 20/03/2016 08:39

He's gone back to bed now so I'll see how he is when he gets up, no doubt he'll be too ill to go out to lunch. the more i think about it the more irritated im getting

OP posts:
wallywobbles · 20/03/2016 08:44

I think I would go out to lunch without him. Quietly prepare and go. The glandular fever thing isn't really correct. It does mean your glands come up pretty big, but that just means they are working.

Ditsy4 · 20/03/2016 08:46

Well if he had a sore throat perhaps it was sore when he spoke. I had a virus where my voice came back then went again sometimes mid sentence so maybe he wanted to rest it. Re glandular fever yes it can be a problem ...up to two years after but not decades!
He might have been milking it a bit but enjoy your day out and next time you're I'll remember and have some time off from the kids instead of carrying on like most woman do. Men always get much worse colds than us.
Waits for MN brigade to tell me I'm anti men which I'm not I have four - DH &3DSs just what I have observed!

eddielizzard · 20/03/2016 08:48

i think he wanted a day in bed being pandered to.

i would also go out to lunch and have a great time. ignore.

SeeNoEvilHearNoEvil · 20/03/2016 08:51

Sometimes it's best for a bloke to just stay quiet

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