Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Aibu to wonder if giving birth has broken my ability to enjoy sex?

32 replies

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 06:51

I had dc6 5 months ago, the birth was ok induced with a drip for the first time which I found more difficult than before but generally ok . I had no complications or stitches etc etc.

But during the birth they tried to put a catheter (not sure of spelling sorry!) in but two midwives failed saying they couldn't find where to put it there was a lot of poking and a couple of times they hit my clitoris really hard and just kept trying to push it in which was actually worse than the birth itself in terms of pain.

Since having dd I have had real trouble actually feeling anything there when we have sex, it's like it's just broken !

We always had sex regularly but now I just seems to agree to it to avoid arguments which has its own set of issues.

I am not really keen on going to the doctor about it because it sound so silly but aibu to wonder if I have been injured somehow??? Or is this just an unrelated issues

OP posts:

MrsH1989 · 20/03/2016 07:48

Sex lives take a bit of a back seat when babies arrive. Most are super tired and feel frumpy due to post birth bodies and are just not feeling "sexy". It takes a while to get back to enjoying your physical relationship even without any issues from the birth itself. I would probably start taking the time to see if some gentle stimulation (on your own) can encourage some more feelings.

Lightbulbon · 20/03/2016 07:53

Having sex to avoid an argument is coerced sex which is rape.

WhatwouldRuthdo · 20/03/2016 07:54

As you have already suggested, go to the GP and talk to them. It doesn't sound silly. It seems you have 6 children, so you know by now what sex feels like after birth. If this is different and you think damage could have occurred, definitely seek medical advice.

WhatwouldRuthdo · 20/03/2016 07:55

Sorry- pressed send too soon. Having sex to avoid arguments is not ok. Your partner should be supporting, not pressuring you.

RubbleBubble00 · 20/03/2016 07:57

I would suggest taking yourself off for a nice bath and have a feel yourself as to what sensation you have, might be worth using a mirror to see if you have visible damage?

Original poster

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 07:58

MrsH i have always gone back to normal really quickly before and tbh I have tried myself but it doesn't help (see this is why I would struggle to see my gp I am a grown woman with 6 children and I'm blushing typing this post let alone talking in real life!)

He doesn't physically force me to have sex

OP posts:

AddToBasket · 20/03/2016 08:03

You poor thing. I haven't completely understood the physical issue - did the catheter damage you? If so, you must go to the doctor. The doctor will/should take it very seriously. Loss of sexual functioning is a big deal - it is possible you have a claim against the med staff.

Original poster

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 08:08

I don't know there was no issue at the time other than the fact it hurt and they had to give up. It's just since then I have wondered .lif it was related. I wouldn't want to claim anything even if it was a problem ( which I know it probably isn't) - the midwives were lovely I don't think they did anything wrong

OP posts:

Mrsw28 · 20/03/2016 08:11

I would also go to the doctor. It sounds like those ham-fisted midwives possibly damaged your nerves whilst guddling about trying to put the catheter in. I would say exactly what you've said here to your GP, write it down if you feel too embarrassed to say the words out loud. The GP will be understanding.

Original poster

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 08:15

If that was true would that ever heal?! I can't imagine never enjoying anything again

OP posts:

Moopsboopsmum · 20/03/2016 08:29

for you OP I had a Kielland's forceps delivery and suffered severe nerve damage, as well as other damage. If it is nerve damage, the feeling should come back. It just takes a while, sometimes a year or even more I believe. It may have been nothing to do with the catheter and more damage from the birth itself. I would go and discuss it with your GP.

Hassled · 20/03/2016 08:33

Please go to the doctor - it doesn't sound silly, especially as this is your 6th child and have some experience of sex after childbirth.

TattieHowkerz · 20/03/2016 08:36

Definitely go to your doctor - they will have seen it all before.

Could there be an emotional aspect to your loss of sex drive/response? It isn't very sexy to feel pressured for sex. I imagine that could make you shut down a bit, even when alone.

Original poster

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 08:39

I will try to mention it at the doctor but I think he will blame depression - I know this isn't the issue because I have had depression on and off for years it has never affected things. Also it's not lack of wanting sex which would seem more related to that.

OP posts:

Mrsw28 · 20/03/2016 08:40

Also, if you go to the doctor, you can have a proper chat with your OH and be frank with him and tell him that you really aren't enjoying sex at the moment because of loss of sensation/feeling down below. Hopefully, that would make him less persistent and more understanding when you don't want to have sex.

Original poster

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 08:41

Tatie I do feel pressured but I do still want to have Sex it's just when we do It doesn't really "work".

I am seriously cursing my parents at the moment for bringing me up to feel so embarrassed about even saying the word sex . thus would be so much easier if I could actually say the word clitoris out loud....

OP posts:

Original poster

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 08:42

MrsW I have already been quite open with him about it but I do t think he really believes me!

OP posts:

shinynewusername · 20/03/2016 08:48

You don't have to see your usual GP - it may feel less embarrassing to talk to one you know less well.

Pufflehuff · 20/03/2016 08:56

Def a trip to the doc. I had to; I frankly couldn't feel a damn thing and the whole shebang just felt weird. May as well have been in my ear. Plus, it was also my first experience of a catheter rummage and, well, let's just say afterwards my urethra seemed a lot more... I don't know. THERE. Like, before, I couldn't have told you where it was, after, it felt a lot more... there.

Anyway, I was checked over and actually deemed to be physically ordinary and had nothing that could be surgically altered. After a few more months, things seemed to improve slightly but I went back, this time seeking blood tests for hormonal imbalance because something still Wasn't Right. Again the doctors were really kind and supportive and even though - again! - nothing was found to be amiss, I felt like they took it really seriously. In the end, it was more a mental issue - tiredness, followed by dull SAHMness and isolation.

I'm not saying this is the same as your case at all, but I wanted to say try not to be embarrassed - if anything, I was more relaxed talking to the doctors about it all than I was my husband, because they treated it all nice and scientific, without any traces of embarrassment or shame. Not a flicker.

MintyBojingles · 20/03/2016 09:00

Think you need to sit your OH down at the table at a time when kids are in bed and you've got 10 minutes to yourselves and be really frank with him. Tell him you've had a injury and that you are seeking medical help for it. Be brutally honest with him about it - he can't adjust to how you're feeling if he doesn't understand. If he still pressures you after that then it's a different discussion!

Do get yourself to the Drs. They've seen it all (and much worse) before. You can book in with a lady doctor if you think that will help.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 20/03/2016 09:22

Can you get an appointment with another doc that you can never see again if you don't want to?

And pre-appointment could you write an email summary of the issue for the attention of the gp? Then you can avoid having to actually SAY anything you find difficulty?

Btw my stbxh wanted sex regardless and decided I was with holding sex as a power/ punishment thing. He didn't care that sex made me bleed (and rip a tiny bit). It was awful and made me completely shut down and sex became an ordeal, and I couldn't get turned on. It took ages for me to think about sex again but much better now.

Original poster

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 09:25

Miscellaneous - that is what he started to happen now it's uncomfortable and sore.

OP posts:

greypinkandpurple · 20/03/2016 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

thinkingofayear · 20/03/2016 10:55

Oh no :( I hope that won't happen

OP posts:

StackladysMorphicResonator · 20/03/2016 11:03

What a supportive post, grey

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread