Aibu to wonder if giving birth has broken my ability to enjoy sex?

[thinkingofayear]

I had dc6 5 months ago, the birth was ok induced with a drip for the first time which I found more difficult than before but generally ok . I had no complications or stitches etc etc.

But during the birth they tried to put a catheter (not sure of spelling sorry!) in but two midwives failed saying they couldn't find where to put it there was a lot of poking and a couple of times they hit my clitoris really hard and just kept trying to push it in which was actually worse than the birth itself in terms of pain.

Since having dd I have had real trouble actually feeling anything there when we have sex, it's like it's just broken !

We always had sex regularly but now I just seems to agree to it to avoid arguments which has its own set of issues.

I am not really keen on going to the doctor about it because it sound so silly but aibu to wonder if I have been injured somehow??? Or is this just an unrelated issues

Good lord Grey, why would you post that?

Thinking it's horrible isn't it? I mean ex that hurts not Greys message of confidence breaking doom, though that's horrible too.

How's your relationship in general with your DP?

Could you sit down with him and explain that you know he feels upset/rejected but that's stopping him realizing there is a real problem here and you are really worried/ scared/ concerned about it and need his support? Explain you want the same thing as him, to have sex with him, that you are not the enemy here!

My stbxh didn't care as he was not a nice person, but your partner might be generally an ok person who is reacting wrongly on this one thing? And by wrongly I mean hugely selfishly and uncaringly but that's probably not the way to getting his understanding and empathy working! I guess you need to give him 'an out' so he can change his stance without admitting he's been a cruel and selfish bastard...

But then to get him to empathize, could you tell him it's hurting you and each time you feel like you need & want to have sex because you want him to be happy, but as your body doesn't respond in the right way, it turns you off even more... So it's a vicious circle, and you need his help and support.

Imagine if every time he had sex his penis hurting like hell and was so painful it actually got injured each time - how would he feel?

Maybe ask his support in going to the GP as your one it so difficult to talk about sex? It might give him another role than self obsessed 'wounded lover'?

It's not hopeless and you will be believed. The GP was kind and concerned, I got referred to a specialist who was very friendly, matter of fact, expert and helpful.

If your OH has a high sex drive/craves intimacy with you so much and you can't talk to him properly about it for whatever reason, could you do other intimate acts together instead of actual intercourse? I know you said you have very little feeling down below and that for you it won't really be sexually pleasing but it might help you keep some romance and intimacy and keep your OH happy at the same time.

I do have an idea how you feel. My DH and I couldn't have sex for 10 months or so after DS as I had to have remnants of my hymen removed which were literally poking through/hanging out my vagina. It took 6 months for me to work out that I had healed but that there was something "extra". I felt like it early on but was fobbed off that I was still healing. I had to have an operation 9 months after DS birth. It was fine but a relief to get the medical care I needed.

Op, you mention that you have been depressed, are you taking any medication for that? I only ask as a known side effect from certain medications is anorgasmia and loss of libido. I'm not saying this is your problem as it could definitely be nerve damage or psychological or anything in between at the moment. Honestly go and speak to a doctor. Like a pp suggested, you could ask to see a different doc to your usual and then never see them again. Although this will definitely not be odd for the doc or probably even enough for them to raise and eyebrow at. They will have seen and heard much more before, it is their job! I'm a hcp (not in general medicine and I've even heard much worse) please don't be embarrassed.

Mama- I was taking citalopram for 18 months but then I started to feel a lot worse about a month ago so my gp changed it to sertraline, which doesn't seem to be helping at all in fact it's made things worse- that's probably another thread!

OP, if the midwives have damaged you, you should definitely make a claim. They won't be paying it. An insurance company will be paying it. Loss of sexual function is a big deal.

I agree with whoever said to write it down and give it to your GP to read. They will understand. Either it is a physical thing OR a mental thing. It is very, very unlikely to be a combination. You need to find out which in order to address it.

You do not need to be physically forced into sex for it to be legally rape.

What you described is rape.

Rapists usually only use physical force when other methods of coercion have failed. It doesn't make him any less of a rapist.

Your belief that force is required is a reason so many rapists especially marital rapists escape justice.