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Original poster

Encouraging my 6 year old to believe in Santa and Elfs and magical things?

58 replies

Agadooo · 19/03/2016 23:31

My 6 year old DS believes in Santa and the tooth fairy and likes stories like The Faraway tree and The Wishing chair and last week he discovered a secret door in his bedroom-(the kind you can buy and put on the skirting board) and I like to encourage it all -One of my friends thinks he's getting too old for it and maybe I shouldn't encourage him with things like the door-a few of the boys at school seem much older and are quite serious boys -should I stop?

OP posts:
daffodilsoverthebridge · 20/03/2016 07:30

I think it's sad when people think childhood is the only time for fun and everything after that is rubbish!

Honestly though, I would be a bit worried he'd be a bit crucified at school but I'm perhaps just judging that on the school I went to!

curren · 20/03/2016 07:59

I've never said anything to her but I wonder what she thinks they would be missing out on if they enjoyed these things without all the made up crap. I just don't get it all.

Who says she thinks other kids are missing out.

I enjoy a bit of magic. Even now. Nice stories, even down the route of exploring ancient gods with dd. Talking about what different religions believe. It's not always Santa and fairies and glitter.

I don't think kids who don't know the pantheon of Egyptian god are missing out. But it's something we enjoy as a family.

As a non religious person I took great comfort when I went to Lourdes to help my nanas church. We helped care for the disabled from the church.

I don't believe the Virgin Mary appeared there. But the faith and belief and emotions of the people at the shrine was touching. It felt like a magical place.

It's a mythical story. But still the place is lovely.

It was a similar feeling when I did the great north run. Running in a group of 50 thousand people with the name of their loved ones and charities on their back. Doing something to help other people. That was quite emotional. My dad described that as magic. People chatting on the way, strangers giving encouragement when you are flagging. Strangers congratulating you when you finish.

I don't think people who haven't had my experiences are missing out. I think they have their own experiences and memories.

Tanith · 20/03/2016 08:19

There's a similar theme park called Hobbledown at Epsom in Surrey.

My DS, although very bright, is socially immature. It came as a shock to realise that he still believed in the tooth fairy at 12! Now he's 16, I think he's worked it out Grin

RabbitSaysWoof · 20/03/2016 08:20

No one says she thinks other kids are missing out, I wonder what she thinks her dd's are missing out on if they enjoy something for what it is, without a tone of amazon ordered prescribed magic.

It was a similar feeling when I did the great north run. Running in a group of 50 thousand people with the name of their loved ones and charities on their back. Doing something to help other people. That was quite emotional. My dad described that as magic. People chatting on the way, strangers giving encouragement when you are flagging. Strangers congratulating you when you finish.
^
Perfect example of how life and real things can be magic without feeling the need to dump extra sparkles on top.
You study things you don't actually believe in and you are moved by the spirit of people who do believe, all of that is real, you are not disneyfying everything you are finding magic where it genuinely exists.

Buying evidence that something magic appeared at your house to convince your children of a lie is not the same at all, it's not about the lie tho, it's the desperation that puzzles me, Easter and being together is special without bunny footprints on the doorstep that the dc are supposed to discover, people are magic, time off is special. It's not something that keeps me awake or makes me dislike my friend, I just wonder occasionally what is so boring about real life without it.

curren · 20/03/2016 08:35

No one says she thinks other kids are missing out, I wonder what she thinks her dd's are missing out on if they enjoy something for what it is, without a tone of amazon ordered prescribed magic.

No one is missing out. It's all just different. Enjoy it for what it is or elaborate and add things in.

Either way no one is missing out. It's just different.

You think great north run doesn't have extra sparkles? You clearly haven't done it Grin

Tons of people add extra 'sparkly' shit to it. Including actual glitter. They feel it makes it better experience for them.

I run in my running gear. I have no need for wings and head bands or fancy dress. But for some it's as much part of it as everything else.

Doesn't make it more or less special for me.

I was moved at Lourdes without believing. But most of the thousands there did believe. I don't believe it was more special for them or for me. Just different.

That's my point. No one is missing out doing anything differently. It's just different. An if the OPs son wants a fairy door in his room. That's fine. Not having a fairy door is fine too.

One way isnt a better childhood, it's different. If the OP was forcing a fairy door on her ds, that would be different.

tilder · 20/03/2016 08:43

rabbit I don't think life would be boring without it. But a big of magic is fun. My kids love it. I have memories of gnarled old tree when I was little and the little people I had convinced myself lived there. Trees like that still make me smile.

I don't dump sprinkles and glitter on things, not my style, but I wouldn't judge someone who did. Personal choice.

Six is still little. How much magic you want to encourage is up to you. But equally I think you do need to be aware that the magic begins to 'thin' as children grow up and at some undefined age it be uncomfortable if you are the last one believing.

Original poster
Agadooo · 20/03/2016 08:50

Thanks all-big difference of opinion with some seeing it for harmless fun and happy memories (like me) and others like Rabbit seeing it as making up for some void in my sons life?!?! Nothing missing in real life-a very happy 6 year old with friends and no problems!

OP posts:
LaChatte · 20/03/2016 08:59

13yo DS is still angry with me for "lying" to him for all those years. He found out that none of it was real when he was 10, and was heartbroken. Not sure how else I could have gone about it, but he still comes out with things like "so it's ok for parents to lie, but kids can't?"

RabbitSaysWoof · 20/03/2016 09:02

Yes that's exactly what I said Hmm
Wonder what's the point = child's life must be lacking in other areas.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 20/03/2016 09:03

I think the time for him to stop believing is when he naturally gets there, not for anyone else to dictate.

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 20/03/2016 09:05

lechatte

I feel for you and I suppose he will only get it, when he gets older and can see small children enjoying the wonder of it all.

I always think of the extras roald dhals children had growing up, he wrote letter to them of fairies, when he was trying out BGF he tapped on their bedroom windows...he had so much more magic going on, than FC and tooth fairy, Grin and his dc loved him for it. Same spike milligen, used to encourage his dc to write to fairies in garden and he wrote back...........

DaftLemon · 20/03/2016 09:06

I kept magical stuff alive for as long as possible with my dc - now 15 and 17. Neither suffered at school because of it.

It wass a very gradual realisation for them I think. No sudden thunderbolt announcement was needed tot ell them Santa and the tooth fairy and easter bunny weren't real. That fairies dint exist etc.. In one house we lived we made a fairy garden and said that's where the fairies loved. Their friends would all come over and want to see it. It became part of their games and even when they were older say 9 or 10 friends would still ask about itand want to look even though they were waaaaaayy beyond believing.
Don't place too much emphasis on real and fantasy. Most kids just gradually work it all out for themselves with no drama or upset. I recall one "seriousish" conversation with my youngest when she was almost 8 and that was only because she asked specifically a question. I think they knew very early on and gor agezs that when I was chatting about having seen the fairies in the garden it was a load of codswallop but they liked to play along.

Even now on Xmas they wait for the "Christmas fairy" to deliver new pj's and niceXmas snacks. This Christmas they came back downstairs after going to bed Xmas eve to leave a carrot and glass of Baileys out!!!!! It's just a fun family tradition they are under no illusion any if it's real but it's part of what makes Xmas magic in our house.

Original poster
Agadooo · 20/03/2016 09:09

Rabbit-you sound very serious-you talk of 'desperation' and 'disneyfying' in your post-no desperation just a bit of fun, or so I thought. He also likes dressing up and using his imagination x

OP posts:
Original poster
Agadooo · 20/03/2016 09:11

Thanks Mouse-sounds great x

OP posts:
AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 20/03/2016 09:13

I think I'm in the minority but we never had any magic when we were children, even Santa was just Santa there was no mention of magic powers.

If you never had it how can you possibly know.

I have to say although I am - and we all are affected by how we were brought up my heart does sink sometimes when I always hear " I didnt have that, and I was fine, or I did that and I was fine, we never had a b or c"

I try and fail but I do try to look beyond my own childhood and parent my dc how I want too , not just how my parents did me, and I was OK I turned out alright.

Rabit, don't you ever feel that there may be something in it....due to millions of people loving the magic?

hownottofuckup · 20/03/2016 09:13

Ah heck Rabbit I get what you were saying, and I think you made a good point too.

curren · 20/03/2016 09:18

Rabbit you said I wonder what she thinks they would be missing out on if they enjoyed these things without all the made up crap. I just don't get it all.

It's possible that she doesn't think her kids would be missing out at all if she didn't do it. It's just something they would enjoy.

These are your words.

RabbitSaysWoof · 20/03/2016 09:42

I get what you're saying AMouse, I do make my dc's childhood more childlike than mine, all my siblings were older than me, my Mum wasn't the sort to stop what she was doing and get down on a kids level, I DO put what I missed into my child's childhood. It's just that I feel magic isn't the thing that was missing.
I clear hours to be on my child's level, doing with him what he enjoys, he has an imagination and I encourage that absolutely, but he's imagination comes from him, I don't give it to him.
Every special occasion I make it my business to find out who is having an Easter party, Halloween party, Christmas party, every Christmas eve (so far) I have made a point of visiting friends dc to have the excitement rub off onto each other because that's what I wished I had, shared excitement, people around, traditions.
I think I'm pretty middle of the road for these things, I'm not that parent who would tell their kid Father Christmas isn't real or worry that a lie will effect him, I just was unaware of people going so far with it until recent years, I thought it was a new thing along the lines of everything needing to be more impressive now.
fwiw I have one friend who goes to town like this, and another who tried elf on the shelf last year and concluded he's not coming back next year, I've never discussed it with others before, I didn't realise it was a heated subject until this morning I just thought it was something I don't see the point in.

DarkRoots · 20/03/2016 09:51

He WANTS to believe in it. Let the little boy have some magic in his life, I say!
I loved all of this sort of stuff. Am a totally normal adult!

Where's the harm?

ArmfulOfRoses · 20/03/2016 09:52

When ds stopped believing in Santa, I told him that the legend surrounding the man were very old and very real.
That a man once left gifts for children secretly just to bring them joy.
That the story and tradition grew from his village until the love in this gesture overtook grown ups the world over.
I told him that now he knew, he was on the other side of the magic and that he is now a Secret Keeper.
He understands now that there is just as much fun to be had being the provider of fun and excitement, and he still loves Christmas and has a stocking.
I still talk of needing to be asleep for Santa and the indulgent smile he gives me is no less wonderful than the excited ones from years ago.

Original poster
Agadooo · 20/03/2016 09:52

I guess we all just want a bit of childlike excitement and imagination with out kids and we all add on our own little bits-it's all good Smile

OP posts:
ArmfulOfRoses · 20/03/2016 09:53

God that sounds wanky Grin

ArmfulOfRoses · 20/03/2016 09:54

My post, not yours op.
Unfortunate x post there.

Original poster
Agadooo · 20/03/2016 09:55

"With our kids" not "with out kids"

OP posts:
daffodilsoverthebridge · 20/03/2016 09:55

Roald Dahl books terrified me as a child: I don't think I'd have thanked anyone for making it real!