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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fussy child

81 replies

PercyPigTheSecond · 19/03/2016 22:00

My friends child is 6. She has asked me to look after him after school one afternoon per week, that's fine. However, he's treated as a little prince at home and as a consequence is very fussy. He refuses to eat anything other than sandwiches, even then they have to have crusts cut off and be white bread Hmm

My children have a couple of things they don't like/preferences but on the whole they eat what they are given and we tend to have something hot for dinner, which friends son refuses to eat. So rather than make him go hungry I made him a sandwich.

Aibu to think it's important for children to have varied food and not be too indulged/fussy? He has no Sen, just very precious (and more than happy to bark out orders about what he will/won't eat Hmm)

OP posts:
Jw35 · 20/03/2016 12:06

He's an over indulged and entitled little boy but it's not his fault obviously, it's his parents for treating him like a prince and pandering to his fussiness.

That's my honest opinion and I've seen it so many times! However it wouldn't bother me as he's not my problem! I'd just mention to his mum that's what he wants to eat and is that fine every week then just do it. Life's too short!

JaceLancs · 20/03/2016 12:20

When entertaining other adults if they have not eaten at my house before I just ask them if there is anything they can't eat or don't like
I am gluten free and do same but can generally find something in most menus
When my children were younger they often had fussy eater friends if I knew in advance would make sure I had something they could eat or if not told would just give them toast or sandwich
One child I remember nonplussed me as I offered every possible sandwich filling I had available - think ham, chicken, egg, cheese, tuna, beef etc but told me they only had jam. Ok reeled off various jam, spread options - to be told they only ate strawberry (probably the only one I didn't have as don't like it myself)
In end had to give them bread and butter - to be told they didn't eat butter and only liked the taste of a particular spread which I didn't have
They ended up with dry bread and crisps sarnies thankfully the bread was ok

Floggingmolly · 20/03/2016 12:25

Wow, that's fairly extreme, Jace... Could you seriously do that every week indefinitely, though? I wouldn't.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/03/2016 12:30

I think.at six he should be be to make his own sandwich so leave him too it.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 20/03/2016 12:34

I'll offer anything I have available don't really mind making something different but if they don't like anything I have the I just say to the parent when they collect "Sorry he hasn't eaten he didn't like anything I had available unfortunately"

It's no big deal my kids aren't great eaters I never expect people to buy in anything special for them but I would think them a bit mean if they couldn't see their way to bunging a bit of ham in a sandwich.

As for adults I would be horrified if someone sat there politely chewing through a meal they couldn't stand! When I invite people over adult or child it's generally because I want them to have a nice time.

If you don't like the kid op and think he's badly raised then why on earth offer child care or instead of judging just say to mum "look he doesn't like what meals we gave could you and him with some sandwiches as I never have white bread in"

witsender · 20/03/2016 12:41

Mine will eat anything and everything....Apart from the odd day when they decide they will only eat plain pasta instead of spaghetti Bolognese, or plain rice without the chilli etc. We just roll with it for the few days it lasts and they soon switch back again.

When we host, I always ask the group if there are any specific likes or dislikes, allergies etc. We have been to a lot of dinners, and this has always been the norm. I'm very surprised to think that some find this unusual! Surely good etiquette is ensuring that your guests are comfortable and happy?

Flum · 20/03/2016 13:02

I would say to theMum that you made dinner and he didn't want any. Say for next week if he wants the White bread etc could she please send him with a packed tea. She will get fed up with doing it probably.

We have neighbours child who only eats plain pasta. He always goes hungry at our house which his Mum is fine about. We don't eat much pasta. He won't even consider a vegetable! He is 13 I know he will grow out of it but blimey.

I have ever asked adults I I vited to dinner what they didn't like. I just make a dinner and there you have it. I used to run a ski hotel in the 90's where we served one meal every night with no alternatives, we did have a vegetarian for vegetarians that had mentioned it. We never had any bother from anyone. I wonder how the works now what with the gluten free and other fussies people have.

MrsBobDylan · 20/03/2016 14:35

Ffs how can he be 'barking out orders about what he will and won't eat' if he only eats sandwiches. That's pretty clear and hardly requires the child to spend time explaining.

If you dislike your friend's 'little prince' so much, don't look after him. You sound horrible.

RudeElf · 20/03/2016 14:40

Cant you just tell your 'friend' you dont like her child and judge her parenting so she can arrange for someone else to have him?

Floggingmolly · 20/03/2016 14:42

They'll be queuing round the block for the privilege, RudeElf...

RudeElf · 20/03/2016 14:44

Well i'd have him. He could have all the sandwiches he liked.

paxillin · 20/03/2016 14:45

A week in week out favour like this cannot be easily "arranged". People are not exactly queuing up to do 120 hours free childcare per year. You are kind to do this, OP. Make dinner, keep it plain-ish. You do not have to make two dinners with ingredients you do not personally eat. Keep things like that for play dates.

Berthatydfil · 20/03/2016 15:00

You are doing mum a big favour. (You haven't said if she's paying you or not) The dc can't see this though.
When my school were younger I would try to cater to dc invited round to play after school but occasionally it wasn't possible. When a child wouldn't eat tinned spaghetti if it was straight not hoops I gave up and he went hungry.
If this child is a regular at your home every week I think you can't go on treating him like a guest,
The way you approach this depends on if you are doing this as a favour or if she's paying you.
You need to tell his mum he won't eat the food you're preparing for your family. If she's paying you then you will accommodate him as far as you can or she can supply what she knows he will eat, however if it's a favour then I think she needs to know that you will offer him what you're serving everyone else but if he refuses it he goes hungry.

Earlyday · 20/03/2016 15:07

Just put a half loaf of white bread in the freezer to use when he is over.

I'd just give him the sandwich - it's hardly a big deal.

Floggingmolly · 20/03/2016 15:14

It's not just the fact that he's having a sandwich for dinner every week, though. When op's kids see that dinner is apparently negotiable she may have a far bigger issue to deal with.
I'd entertain this for a play date (where normal rules are, or can be, suspended without creating too much of a precedent), but if he's in the house every week it just wouldn't work for me.

Mistigri · 20/03/2016 15:18

When I have other people's kids round I tend to keep meals very simple and if I knew about specific preferences I would probably accommodate them, within reason. In this situation I'd do what the pp suggested and have a loaf of crustless white sliced bread in the freezer.

If other people's kids and their eating habits annoy you, the simple answer is not to offer to feed them ... Either don't have them round or ask the parent to send a packed meal.

I have a fussy child but if he has a meal outside home, I don't really care whether he actually eats or not. He's spent the last 8 years being served but not eating school dinners so skipping one more meal makes no difference...

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/03/2016 19:55

It's notjustthe fact that he's having a sandwich for dinner every week, though. When op's kids see that dinner is apparently negotiable she may have a far bigger issue to deal with

I don't see why that should he a problem..at schopl they see everyone has different things fir lunch.

in a restaurant people all order different things and eat different amounts. ten will cope.

more upsetting for the child who may well feel he has no choice but to watch people eat food and have to sit there with a sandwich.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/03/2016 19:55

could look like he was being left out in his eyes

nippiesweetie · 20/03/2016 21:04

Earlyday 'Half loaf' tends to puzzle our southern cousins - and it is a bit weird because it doesn't actually mean ' half of a loaf'.

TickettyBoo · 20/03/2016 21:13

Surprised you have time to feed him at all with all the halo polishing you must have to do 😳

He's not your child, if you don't like how he's parented then don't have him once a week! I'd understand if he was trashing your house but we're talking about a sandwich ffs?!

Original poster
PercyPigTheSecond · 20/03/2016 21:22

Wow some harsh responses here! In answer to your questions I'm looking after the child one evening per week from 3.15pm until 6.30pm including dropping him back to his mothers if she's late from work. I'm doing this for free. I had hoped that it would work that he would eat the same or similar food to my dc (fish pie, lasagne etc) as my dc aren't given choices on food.

Aside from feeding him I spend time taking the dc to the park, play at home or help with homework, crafts etc so he's included as part of all this and very much welcome. If this makes me unkind then so be it. I know plenty of paid for childcare and childminders who have only one meal option.

OP posts:
Original poster
PercyPigTheSecond · 20/03/2016 21:24

But aside from that I already said IABU for not making his sandwich so all the judgemental comments are a bit irrelevant.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 20/03/2016 21:24

He could always have dinner at his own house if it's only 6.15 when he's home then.

Original poster
PercyPigTheSecond · 20/03/2016 21:28

Yes he could eat at home. Tbh I genuinely thought it was the norm that children ate the meal given to them, I didn't realise that they got to pick and choose (obviously everyone has preferences/favourites).

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 20/03/2016 21:31

I would let him eat at home in that case. You don't need to worry about it then.