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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - DH, Rugby and our DCs

26 replies

AmIRightOrAmIRight · 19/03/2016 17:53

NC as very outing.

I'll start by saying I've never bought into the idea that men 'look after' or 'babysit' their own children. They are their children FGS!

Today H wanted to go to watch the Rugby with his friends. All fine. I'm not his keeper so he can go and I hope he has fun. But I asked him yesterday to sit with ill ds whilst I got on with other things. He said he couldn't manage the whole day with ds as he'd need to speak with his mates about today's arrangements. I know he will come back later today totally wasted/ out of his head as he'll have been with 'the boys' watching the Rugby; so in my mind I thought it only fair that he did his 'parenting' yesterday as I know he'll be gone for most of today and most likely be good for shit tomorrow.

He thinks I was being entirely unreasonable and have put too much on his plate to contend with Hmm

I asked him to go to pharmacy to get prescription for ds yesterday, he didn't go. I asked him to cook for dc yesterday, he ordered take-away. I honestly want to divorce him atm. I'm not asking for the moon on a stick!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 19/03/2016 17:59

Oh, YABU not to soothe his fevered brow when he's got that much on his plate! (not)

Does he call his friends 'the boys'?

If they see themselves as boys I suppose it follows that he's expecting to be treated like a child with few responsibilities as well.

Divorce him and make sure you actually get the moon on a stick in the settlement Wink

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2016 17:59

He should have gone to the pharmacy. YANBU.

He sorted out their supper. Yabu.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/03/2016 18:06

Yeah he did sort supper, YABU there, but he should have gone to the pharmacy and his excuse was terrible, he could have text his friends whilst looking after his kids!

It's nothing to do with rugby really, it's that he's an inconsiderate manchild and he resents you trying to make him act like an adult and take responsibility for his children.

Unless he has some serious good points and he's willing to work on that, I'd be gone.

itsmeagain1 · 19/03/2016 18:07

I'm confused. Why could he not sit with DC and call his friends about today's arrangements/ text them/ message them?
Prescription YANBU
Dinner, meh who cares, he fed them - not ideal but they didn't starve. So YABU.

Re him going out to watch the rugby, why not - I'm a rugby widow myself and put the dates in my diary as I plan around it and look forward to having the kids to myself/ tv/ house to myself. DH often goes to the matches held in our city so can often be gone from lunchtime to at least mid evening.

However DH also does the kid stuff most of the time Mon-Fri so weekends are my turn to do this.

Purplepicnic · 19/03/2016 18:10

He couldn't manage the whole day because he needed to speak to his mates about arrangements? What kind of excuse is that? How long does it take to say 'Dog and Duck, 3pm mate'?

He sounds really whiny.

Original poster
AmIRightOrAmIRight · 19/03/2016 18:12

Ok, so I know IABU regarding supper but pizza and garlic bread is not a proper super!

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2016 18:14

It doesn't matter for one evening, pizza is fine.

How could he have looked after them yesterday, wasn't he at work?

Original poster
AmIRightOrAmIRight · 19/03/2016 18:14

AgentZigzag They all do a sport together and collectively call each other 'the boys'.

He couldn't go to the pharmacy as he had to 'arrange' todays activities in other words where they'd go to get drunk before heading off

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIRightOrAmIRight · 19/03/2016 18:16

ThroughThickAndThin01 He's self-emplyed which has been a blessing in terms of childcare but not when he's off on a jolly.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2016 18:18

Ah ok.

MrsJayy · 19/03/2016 18:18

Pizza and garlic bread is fine for dinner but i suspect its about the overall attitude of him just being selfish and lazy is he always like that ?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2016 18:20

So has he devoted a long weekend to the rugby basically? Is it a one off. Or next weekend will it be about Arsenal, or a darts weekend, etc.

If it's a one off I'd live with it. (Although I'd be irritated about not helping me out with watching DC's for me so I could get on with stuff)

curren · 19/03/2016 18:21

So is he generally a dick or not.

Because I can't tell if it's just he was a bit shit yesterday (he should have gone to chemist) or this is serious long term problem.

Tbh we don't go in for the 'I am having the kids tomorrow so you have to have them today' sort of thing. We don't keep score sheets. Sometime I do more childcare sometimes he does. But that only works if both are putting in the same amount of effort.

Original poster
AmIRightOrAmIRight · 19/03/2016 18:22

MrsJayy Yes, always. He's not exactly a sahd because the dc go to nursery now, but if he's working from home that day he'll bang on about it as if he's the first person in the world that ever did that. I'm honestly just sick of him.

OP posts:
booklooker · 19/03/2016 18:23

Depends really, is he an England supporter, or France?

This is a huge match, every N. hemisphere rugby fan will be watching it.

Original poster
AmIRightOrAmIRight · 19/03/2016 18:25

curren As I said in my OP, I'm generally not one for the 'you did this and therefore I can do that,' sort of attitude. Both dcs are ours and I don't keep a score card. But if I carried on like him social services would be all over us!

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 19/03/2016 18:30

Its not really about the Rugby its the hoha he caused about the Rugby seems he wants everything and body to relvolve round him which would drive me nuts too

Original poster
AmIRightOrAmIRight · 19/03/2016 18:35

I honestly hate him. I envisage life divorced from him. At present he has it a good life. i.e wife, children, well kept home. The whole shebang. I just want out. How can you prioritise Rugby over your ds' antibiotics??

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 19/03/2016 18:51

YANBU about any of it.

Selfish man-child, from the sounds of it.

And I would be annoyed at a take away for dinner if you have a family budget and food in the house for that purpose.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2016 18:54

You have more issues than rugby vs ab's. Sorry OP. I couldn't be with someone I disliked as much as you seem to.

Original poster
AmIRightOrAmIRight · 19/03/2016 19:51

EweAreHere Precisely! There was food enough for him to put some oven chips and chicken nuggets in the oven! We're not over-flowing with cash so all said and done there was enough in the fridge to bang something together! Yet I'm unreasonable and mean because I queried the take-out. He did exactly this. As long as dc were fed then why should I complain. That is typical him. If I wouldn't go to jail, I'd honestly kill him. He does nothing and the little he does counts for shit!

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIRightOrAmIRight · 19/03/2016 19:54

And to add to that he seems to want an award for just being a fucking parent!

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 19/03/2016 20:01

Are you ready and able to lone parent with him having the DCs EOW so long as rugby doesn't get in the way?

booklooker · 19/03/2016 20:06

I honestly hate him.

It has nothing to do with rugby has it? You are just looking for another reason to hate him.

Does he know how much you dislike him?

MammaTJ · 19/03/2016 20:06

Just to give some perspective, my DP has gone shopping for food etc this morning, taking DS with him, as the DC fight when together.

He wanted to go and play rugby this afternoon, so he took 10 year old DD (DS did not want to go), had a couple of pints, then come home. He knew I was not feeling great, so cooked tea!

No way would he prioritise watching rugby over our children, he would not even prioritise playing when the team is short over our children or anything they needed!

All arranging to play is done on FB and DP does not have an account, so the odd message on the rugby group is done through me, they take seconds and done while the children are in the room!