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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For DH and me not to go to MIL's birthday lunch?

59 replies

puglife15 · 19/03/2016 17:25

I have a 3 week old EBF newborn and a toddler.

DSIL and her children all have had a vomiting bug in the past day or two, they'd been hanging out with other DSIL and PILS yesterday.

We met DSILs and PILs today (they didn't tell us beforehand about the bug Angry ) - DSIL who was sick last night didn't hold the baby or anything but of course we can't be sure none of the others is incubating it now.

Tomorrow we are all meant to be going out for MIL'S birthday lunch, it's a big birthday.

I really really don't want any of us to get the bug, AIBU not to go and to suggest to DH he doesn't go either? Am I being massively precious?

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 19/03/2016 18:05

His mums big birthday is more important than supporting you with your baby's reflux and not sleeping. Surely you can manage for a few hours? He should go.

How would you feel if it was you? Or your mums big birthday?

FelicityFunknickle · 19/03/2016 18:05

Yanbu. Anyone who attends that lunch will be exposed to the vomiting bug.

Realfootyfan · 19/03/2016 18:05

I think it's fair enough for you not to go but I really think YABU to influence DH not to go, especially as it's in part because you want to get help with the children. Yes it's difficult managing alone with small children but it sounds like it's a big occasion for his mum too.

Shutthatdoor · 19/03/2016 18:06

Can your DH phone your MIL and explain why you're worried about tomorrow and see if they can move it to next weekend?

Don't go if you don't eat your but I don't think it is fair to get everyone to change their plans within hours if the meal.

Big birthday could mean lots of people attending.

If you aren't going make sure you do something with her in the near future.

Original poster
puglife15 · 19/03/2016 18:07

It seems the bug is over fairly quickly eg less than 24 hours. They won't postpone as have all travelled here for a long weekend and are staying in a hotel plus they are all feeling OK as of this afternoon.

OP posts:
Nottodaythankyouorever · 19/03/2016 18:07

I think it's fair enough for you not to go but I really think YABU to influence DH not to go, especially as it's in part because you want to get help with the children. Yes it's difficult managing alone with small children but it sounds like it's a big occasion for his mum too.

I agree.

Original poster
puglife15 · 19/03/2016 18:10

You're right the looking after my kids alone thing is a red herring and shouldn't be a factor. I'm just a bit nervous as it's a Sunday so there are no groups etc and my mum friends will be having family time, maybe I can stick on a film though.

OP posts:
Original poster
puglife15 · 19/03/2016 18:12

I am however petrified DH will bring the bug back! I'm annoyed already that we spent hours with them today.

OP posts:
Bastardshittits · 19/03/2016 18:15

I think it's a bit unfair that they are making demands on your time, regardless of sickness and big birthdays when you have a 3wk old ebf newborn with reflux.

I went out for a family birthday meal when DD was 3 days old under duress and it was awful. DMIL kept passing her over to complete strangers in the pub restaurant to cuddle. As soon as the food arrived, DD was so fractious that she started crying and everyone just stared at me in my flustered state while they stuffed their dinner down. Mine went cold and then we went home. It was shite.

Whathaveilost · 19/03/2016 18:16

I understand people saying don't go to lunch because of the bug but I can't understand people thinking it's crazy going out with a 3 week baby for lunch. Why the heck not if you are fit enough. We had tea out with a toddler and new born on the way home from the hosts. Admittedly it was only a cavery but we were hungry. We also had tea out and asked friends to come so that they could meet the baby without coming to my house so I didn't have to feed them and they didn't overstay their welcome. I thought it was a genius idea!

Goingtobeawesome · 19/03/2016 18:16

Birthday meal and potential for illness v postponing and a three week old not exposed unnecessarily? Hmm, tough call for some people.

OP I hope no one in your family gets it, that you can get the support you need with baby's reflux and that your oldest soon accepts the baby.

HumphreyCobblers · 19/03/2016 18:19

We managed to pick up a vomiting bug in the week after I came home with a newborn.

The only one of us that didn't get it was the baby. It was utterly grim...puking with a c section and I still had SPD. DH coping with the older two whilst being sick himself. It was utterly, UTTERLY grim.

I wouldn't risk it and I would be livid they put you in that position today.

Paperchaserr · 19/03/2016 18:25

Send DH under instructions not to touch anybody and to keep washing hands. Tell family that either you or toddler has thrown up so the other three of you can't come. Do something lovely with MIL in a couple of weeks.

wigglebum84 · 19/03/2016 18:34

Are they fucking stupid? I would never risk seeing a newborn if I knew we had a bug! I would be fuming that you've spent time with them today.

coconutpie · 19/03/2016 18:40

No fucking way should any of you go, incl DH. The bug going around at the moment is hideous, no way should you risk bringing that into the house, birthday or not.

coconutpie · 19/03/2016 18:41

And I would be furious over them knowingly exposing you to it today - fucking selfish inconsiderate twats.

starry0ne · 19/03/2016 18:41

No I would not of wanted to see them today...However yes I would tell DH to go.. this is a special birthday for his mum.

Sedona123 · 19/03/2016 18:46

What Wigglebum said. No way would I take a 3 week old along in that situation. Even if you were to catch the virus, no way would you be able to BF or look after your baby. I don't want to even think about your newborn catching the virus.

You have my sympathy though as my Inlaws are exactly the same. We show up to get togethers to find out one of the kids has been puking or off school with flu the day before. A couple of days later MIL then sends emails stating that John (name change) now has Jane's illness and is also sick in bed and off school. 😳 WTF!!!

EweAreHere · 19/03/2016 18:48

If you're going to get it, you're already incubating it based on yesterday. And your baby has your immunity from EBF.

If you like going out to lunch and can manage with the baby and toddler, go. Just don't pass the baby around if it makes you uncomfortable because of the bug, and don't let DN touch her since she's probably a carrier still.

If you don't want to go or risk it, don't.

Other then SIL/BIl not telling you about the bug before you showed up (which they should have so you could make your own decision), it's not a big deal if you wash your hands well.

I work in a primary school and have primary school children myself yet generally avoid these bugs, even if my children acquire them. It can be done.

BillBrysonsBeard · 19/03/2016 18:57

As an aside OP, why are you so nervous about being in the house with your DC? Little ones don't need to be out all the time, give yourself some rest Smile
I think I went out of the house once a week in the early days! I know everyone different though, just think you shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 19/03/2016 19:07

I think it's a bit unfair that they are making demands on your time, regardless of sickness and big birthdays when you have a 3wk old ebf newborn with reflux.

Jeez they aren't 'making demands on their time'.

DM can't help when her big birthday is. Hmm

moanwhingemoan · 19/03/2016 19:15

Avoid at all costs. My Ds had a gastroenteritis at 16weeks and it was bloody awful. I would be beyond livid we had been exposed to it. My Silver has form for this. Fortunately these days she lives her life out on Facebook so I can avoid if I see a hint of sickness on her wall!

TheBouquets · 19/03/2016 19:18

I never understand people who do not take precautions to avoid the spread of D & V, coughs colds flu or anything really. No matter how short the bug lasts it is misery to have the whole household puking and whatever.
It may be a big birthday but I don't think it is right to put a new born and toddler at risk of anything.
Another matter to be considered could be that the hotel staff and the restaurant staff could catch the bug and spread to home to their families all because people were so fixed that they could not change an outing in the face of a bug!

Original poster
puglife15 · 19/03/2016 19:25

Bill I had pnd with DC1 mainly brought on by crushing loneliness so I think that's why I like to get out / have plans.

Bouquets to be fair they were already at the hotel when SIL and DN2 got the bug, they weren't to know they had it or that it was even contagious as it had been 48 hours since DN1 had it.

I hope MIL doesn't get it, that would be a crappy bday present!

OP posts:
moanwhingemoan · 19/03/2016 20:05

If you get ill at Butlins they send you home!