To think this wasn't an insulting thing to say to a doctor at all?

[MissusWrex]

I was discharged from hospital yesterday.

As a bit of background I have had a number of miscarriages, one quite late on which had to do with problems with my placenta.

I wasn't really happy with my discharge and felt I still had a lot of unanswered questions and concerns (ward doctor just told the midwife outside it was ok for me to go, didn't come in to explain everything. The midwife was newish I think and tried but didn't know any of my history and didn't know much for certain.

So I've sent this email to my consultant (nightmare to get on the phone) I haven't slept or ate since my discharge, just feel incredibly anxious and to be honest would rather just get him out where he can be looked after! I'm 34 1/2 weeks.

My friend said it sounded like I was second guessing professionals and they would probably get the hump with my. I thought I was just expressing my concerns but am a bit worried now.

I'll paste it here with details taken out. What do you think?

'Dear Consultant,

My name is Miss Wrex and I'm one of your Ante Natal clinic patients.

I was discharged from ward (number) yesterday afternoon but have been feeling very anxious since, though I'm not sure if this is due to previous history or if I am right to be.

I was admitted on Wednesday night with a very hard and uncomfortable stomach (it stayed rock hard for a quite a few hours, did not get softer at any point during this period), pain behind my cessation scar and back cramps.

Ctg monitors were fine, baby's heartbeat was fine and he was moving as usual.

Yesterday I was discharged after having a scan in the afternoon that showed there was a good blood flow through my umbilical cord but that the baby has now got static growth (AC measurement). I've had a first dose of steroids and will be coming back for a second dose this afternoon. Also I was told I'd have ctg monitors twice a week and anc every two weeks (? I think that's the right way around!).

The thing is I can't shake the feeling something is wrong and have become very anxious. This is mainly because the first doctor I spoke to on triage mentioned that sometime if the is a problem with the placenta that it can cause the hard stomach (this has happened a couple of times since but only stayed hard for between an hour/ 2 hours since) which was identified as a possible cause with my late miscarriage and that I would have a Doppler scan to check the placenta. Which I haven't had. He also said that because I'd had a previous bleed behind my placenta that it could possibly happen again so they would keep me in to check.

Also since late morning yesterday I have noticed a big reduction in baby's movements. I was put on a ctg monitor yesterday evening and his heart beat was ok and he had four movements on the monitor so they said it was ok. He usually has between 20/30 movement on the monitors and each time when he has his active periods through the day or night, I used to find it reassuring he was so active!

This has dropped to between 8 that I've managed to count so far since leaving yesterday afternoon. Is this still enough or should I be concerned that it's not at all like his usually patterns for the last two months? He moved a total of 12 times yesterday that I could feel when it usually would be much more than this. Could a hard stomach have anything to do with this or mean I can't feel him as well as previously?

I apologise for all the questions but I didn't get much chance to speak to a doctor before I left and am unsure if I'm being over anxious because of previous losses or am right to feel something is wrong. I'm just so very worried about anything happening to him while he is in there.

Thank you,

Miss Wrex'

[Muskateersmummy]

If you are ever anxious or uncertain go back!

I was on twice weekly monitoring with dd. Anytime I felt things were "right" they saw my straight away. They always told me they would rather see a mother 100 times and deliver a healthy baby than not see her and the worst happens.

Incidentally one of those times I felt "not quite right" I was in spontaneous natural labour and dd arrived the next day, 6 weeks premature..... That is not to say it's what's happening to you, but to say listen to your body. Get checked any time you feel unhappy/anxious/reduced movements

[Muskateersmummy]

weren't right

[dayslikethis]

Glad you are going back in - I agree with the pp that an email isn't the best way to get in touch with a doc as they may not actually have a chance to read it, however, I totally understand why you did it as it probably seemed like the only option at the time and also allowed you the opportunity to be yourself - i.e. Polite and not pushy!! (That's not a bad thing at all by the way!)

I think your friend is wrong - your email was well worded, polite, but clear.

I'm so glad you are going back in - reduced movement in any pregnancy is not to be messed with, but with a previous history it is even more imperative that you are seen.

As for docs, MWs and other health professionals making you feel like you are silly - it's not uncommon, but the best thing you can do is politely but firmly push for what you need. They are people too, with many, many pressures on them, and often I think it's a case of them just not thinking - they know the info and are confident in their care, but I think sometimes important stuff gets lost in the communication (or lack thereof) to the patient, and as they are so pushed for time as it is, they don't see that as a problem. I have the utmost respect for health professionals working in the NHS (although I have met my fair share who are wrong in their manner, attitude and even their care) so would never advocate being rude, however it's not rude at all to push for thorough care for your unborn baby - not rude at all!!!

[shoopshoopsong]

I would print the letter so you remember everything you want to say but go back in. & wait until you've had every thing explained to you properly before you go home next time. I've been in a similar situation and know it's overwhelming when different HCPs say different things, but you definitely need to understand your plan before you leave

[shoopshoopsong]

Sorry didn't see update that you're on way back in. Hope it goes well

[EweAreHere]

The letter is clear and reasonable.

But, as others have said, go back in to be checked. It is a significant decrease in movement, and you are worried about it. So go.

[scarednoob]

I am sure it's fine and he was just sleeping. I had a few reduced movement days plus GD and ended up on the ward with 3 x daily CTG monitoring - used to get really hysterical over the heart rate and few movements on occasions, and she was always fine.

That being said, you are definitely doing the right thing in going back. He's your baby and only you can say if you're unhappy. He needs you to be calm too, and the best way to do that is to get checked when you're nervous. Don't let any midwife make you feel bad or silly. You are being a very good mum in getting checked.

Did you see if the heartbeat was going up and down? One thing I noticed during my hours strapped to that machine was that there were often lots of movements that I just wasn't feeling at all.

Lots of luck - I am sure you and he are just fine!

[Donthate]

Lots of luck. Of course you are worried it is only natural

[PeppasNanna]

Good luck Op.
Let us know how you get on.

Send the email!

[SmallBee]

Any update Lem? Hope all is well.

[MissusWrex]

Nearly finished up here but I feel much better.

Baby is back to his old bouncing self the second the straps went on! Obviously over the moon about this but wish he'd done it earlier!

I've now got two scans a week as well as the Doppler and ctg monitor.

The consultant has been so lovely. She called me while I was in the hospital and explained through everything and what the plan is so I'm much more relaxed now. It's not even her day on! (I felt awful about that, figured if she wasn't at work she wouldn't read it until she was but she was really nice)

[SmallBee]

Fantastic news! Don't know why I called you Lem but really pleased at such a positive update

[bumbleymummy]

Great news! :)

[SingingMyOwnSpecialSong]

Great news.

[MissusWrex]

I'm so happy today you can call me what you like

Have just had my second steroid shot. It's amazing what a difference knowing what the plan is and being reassured has made.

Thank you!

[DartmoorDoughnut]

Brilliant update Wrex

[Excited101]

Fantastic!

[PegsPigs]

Feeling in control of your care is a big deal when you're pregnant. The thought of losing a baby this late on because you were made to feel silly is not even worth thinking about. I'm so glad you feel reassures because you know what the plan is.

I was discharged postnatally with far too little information on my ongoing care and in considerable pain. Having a lovely GP listen to me and explain her plan to address my concerns improved both mental and physical health. It really is vital these things are explained to us.

[Narp]

Great news MissusWrex

[MissusWrex]

It absolutely is, I'll be forever grateful to the consultant for going out of her way for me today, I'm well aware she did not have to.

Also the two lovely midwives I've seen today who made sure I didn't feel at all 'silly'.

My anxiety had gone through the roof, like I fully expected ds to be snatched away from me at the finish line. I'm glad they (and you lovely lot) brought me back down to earth again.

As for my friend she has form for being very respectful (afraid?) of authority figures but she seems genuinely happy that I got the reaction I did and not what she was imagining.

[Narp]

It is amazing the way that the kindness of particular nurses and doctors at this time can stay with you.

I still get a bit teary when I think about the midwife who talked to me in the middle of the night after DS1 was born, and the volunteer who gave me a bed bath after DS2.

[MissusWrex]

That's lovely Narp and Pegs

[Buckinbronco]

What a brilliant thread. So pleased for you wrex!

[PacificDogwod]

I came on to say that your email was perfectly reasonable and in now way rude, but I see events have overtaken me - in a good way!

IME (as a HCP AND as a patient) these situations always arise because of poor communication - some people are not very good at communicating complex things in simple terms, but many more HCP are too pressured/too caught up in doing 25 things at the same time that they forget how scary it is at the receiving end. I am not defending that in any shape or form, but sadly these 'soft skills', listening, explaining, reassured, are not valued. They are not countable or auditable, so they don't 'count' when they should count the most IMO.



I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes really well, Wrex
Fwiw, my DS2 was born at 31 weeks after I had been in hospital for 5 weeks, he is now 12 and tall, strong, clever and, most importantly, well. But it was v scary at the time and a huge part of got me through it at the time was that I always felt really well looked after and that I had trust in my team. It makes all the difference to know what The Plan is.

[zoobaby]

Really pleased to read your progress Missus. When you have a chance, maybe you'd consider sending positive feedback to PALs? Keep up the counting and if ever concerned, just go in. Best wishes to you and your LO.