to ask if the law has changed on grandparents rights?

[pigeonpoo]

I'm trying to go NC with EA mother.

Latest trick from her is this text: "Not received. You do realise the law has changed and I will go to court to make sure

Bouquets, I am a grandmother. If my grandchild was being abused by their parents, I would step in, but otherwise children only need grandparents inasmuch as they are a positive contribution to their lives. I only did have one grandmother and would probably have been better off without her.

As grandparents we should try to support our children as parents, not stress them out and bring them down.

I am not at all the OP's mother if that is what was meant. I would not be taking anyone to court for access to a grandchild since I don't have grandchildren. I did not mention how I phones take voicemails from blocked numbers. I don't have that phone. I saw that saying I don't know how I phones work and that was taken that I was being defensive. I don't care how phones work, it is good that they do so I am fine with that. I made the comment to highlight that there is only one side of the story on here. It would be wonderful if everyone got on together all round the world but I know that is not going to be the case. I am thought of being as scary as the OP's mum. I doubt if that could even be the case. It seems that OP likes to make out that a stranger is like her mum who is emotionally abusive. This would indicate that there is no other side to the story allowed which is unrealistic.

Bouquets, are you always such a goady fucker or were you just a bit bored last night? Do you also go on the domestic abuse threads and say "well hang on now, I know you've been getting beaten for years but please remember there are two sides to every story...."? No? Didn't think so.

If you have nothing to contribute to the discussion aside from a large dose of shit stirring then perhaps you shouldn't post on the thread.

OP, I hope you got some peace overnight. I'm glad you've blocked your phone. Stay strong, no one has the right to make you feel less than you are and the label of 'family' doesn't give them the right to treat you like crap.

Op I am NC with my mother and she threatened court.
I rang a solicitor got half an hour free telephone advice and it put my mind at rest. She never did Persue court. She wrote to me saying it was too expensive. She has never seen the kids for five years although she does write to them, phone them and send them things. That's ok with me. Luckily she lives at opposite end of country.
Basically it's not the grandparents that have any legal rights but children have a right to a relationship with their grandparents and the grandparent can go to court to invoke that right. It's a long drawn out expensive process.
I would ignore any communication from her, she is threatening you. Ignore it for now.
But do call a solicitor and get some free advice.

OP - for your, and your DS's sake, do NOT get dragged back by any 'well meaning' relative, vicar, friend - anyone. Your life will be a MILLION times healthier if you stay away from this woman and anyone else who interferes in your relationship.

Your son should not have to be a part of her behaviour so break the cycle and move on. It's hard but it can be done.

I agree with others, time to cut the cord with her once and for all, for your ds's sake.

We are still just about in contact with mil still, but we made sure she has no rights to our dd, and if she tries to go through court she will fail

If your mother was shouting such that your 3yr old(!!!) ran to punch her to "protect" you, then she has started to affect him & you need to protect him from her.

If she cared about you or your son, she wouldn't behave in such a way.

Your other family members are not nice.

Otherwie they would see you mum if they wanted to & see you & your son if they wanted to.

They are doing her bidding & trying to run roughshod over you in the process.

Protect yourself & your son from all of them!

She might succeed in getting a contact order, but realistically that isn't going to include face to face - at most she might be able to send birthday cards etc. Don't let her intimidate you! Sorry you are having to deal with this.

Oh lovey you sound like you are at the end of your tether.

Change your phone number. Only give the new number out to people you can really trust. Buy a very cheap PAYG phone and give the number for that out to your relatives - do not enable voicemail on it and block your Mum's number. That way she cannot leave voicemails when your relatives pass on your 'new' number (which you know they will). Keep the phone in a drawer on silent. Once a day go and look at it and then decide if you want to reply to any of the texts or return any calls.

When the flying monkeys start trying to pull your strings, then say the following:
'This is between me and Mum only, please do not get involved because I won't be discussing it with you'. Be VERY firm and keep repeating and changing the subject. If those relatives refuse to step back then you will need to have a good think about how much you engage with them in the future.

Can you arrange some counselling? It would be very helpful for you to add some perspective and hopefully help with your MH overall. In terms of childcare have a look and see if there is a babysitting club near you. You might only need a couple of hours once or twice a month. I wouldn't be surprised if you saw an improvement in your wellbeing and relationships if you go NC with her.

Gather together all of the evidence - texts, emails, letters - and keep them in a safe place. If she does decide to go down the court route then you will need these to support your case that she is not a beneficial presence in your son's life.

Lastly - and this probably sounds pretty major - can you move? You could do with being somewhere where she doesn't know your address, so can't turn up or send anyone else round there to pester you.

Thank you all who've replied with helpful advice.

I was going to PM and say thanks but there's quite a few who've posted now so just going to say here to anyone who has/does post helpful advice, it's appreciated and Iv read.

I won't be responding on this thread any further as after looking at Bouquets posting history - I would just be encouraging her if I do so.

Also having potentially outed myself (while being very wound up) I would like my thread to die off into the archives fairly soon

It would be just my luck if my mother did see this, and like Bouquets I'm sure she'd feel here was an appropriate thread to air herself

There is only one side of the story though - the OP's - and on here we owe it to support her. However what is really beneficial to the child might be a balanced relationship with an extended family instead of a single relationship with a very isolated, (by her own admission), mother.

The grandmother might indeed be awful but she might be trying to help her own daughter who is seriously struggling. I don't believe the GM is a monster who must be kept away from her grandchild. Nor do I think she is all sweet reason and caring. The truth must surely be somewhere in between.

Only the OP knows this and if NC is the way, then it is the way but it might be worth leaving a door open.

Get the help that you need OP. Ask for a temporary NC rather than force a fight now and take it from there

Good luck

Ok, I went Nc years ago & had to change my telephone number. I set up new emails and moved in with dh.

Obviously moving is extreme.

Switch voicemail off. You can live without it. Promise.

Block everyone's numbers, remember it's in their interests for you to see her because it's so boring listening to her drone on and on about it. While she's being vile to you she's leaving them alone. So in a "it's pigeon or us" scenario it's you who gets chucked under the bus. Nice eh?.

Set up a new email account. Log out of the old ones.

It is illegal for ANYONE to harress you by text, we had dhs ex gf arrested for it, she was cautioned for assault by text messages. The police won't ignore you because it's your mum. They are quite used to batshit people being rejected by their saner offspring. A non molestation order would be nice.

If you can break free this one time you never have to do it again. You never have to dread a knock at the door or your phone ringing. While it's going on the flying monkeys will come thick and fast so do not answer the door without checking. You do not need to let someone in out of politeness, manners mean nothing in this situation.

Ask for a temporary NC

Do not ask for anything, especially a temporary NC. The only result of this will be endless messages along the lines of 'is it over yet?' and 'have you finished your tantrum yet?' and you end up in a position where she is still calling the shots.

it might be worth leaving a door open

Emotional abusers love when you leave a metaphorical door open because it's a way back in for them. It helps the abuse to continue. Don't leave a door open. You can install a door at a later date should you so wish but for now, no doors. No windows.

NC must be NC or else it doesn't work. It has to be a complete cut off, you can't half measure it.