to ask if the law has changed on grandparents rights?

[pigeonpoo]

I'm trying to go NC with EA mother.

Latest trick from her is this text: "Not received. You do realise the law has changed and I will go to court to make sure

Problem is I need those flying monkeys to some degree. They're loved family members for one, and if I do it adds weight to her theory that I push everybody away and the problem is entirely on my part. And will seem to prove it to them. Especially if I stop DS having contact with the flying monkeys... ?

Resurrecting my own thread. Sorry

So flying monkeys are passing on my mothers pleas to meet with a therapist and this is bowling everyone over that she's willing to seek help

Has anyone done that? I have horrific memories of family therapy in my childhood, is it any different trying to do it as an adult?

If you go to therapy with her she's going to twist it and take it as an admission that you're the one in the wrong.

If she wants to seek therapy then let her go seek it on her own. Once she's finished therapy then consider whether or not you want contact.

If she's emotionally abusive, then no, do not do this.

If you've made the adult decision to go NC with her then that's the end of it. Stick with your decision.

She can go to all the therapists she wants - it doesn't affect you or your decision. Be strong and focus on yourself and your own family.

Thanks.

I think I will just tell them I will wait till I see any real consistent evidence of her seeking help before believing or hoping we can have contact at any point

The last "counsellor" she saw turned out to be someone she lived nearby anyway and their "therapy sessions" were when the neighbor was invited for coffee. According to my mum it was all legit and very helpful... Nothing changed

I'm going to stand firm I hope

Oh FFS

Just got yet another text asking if I can bring DS to another relatives house to facilitate contact with her. Advice apparently (according to my mother I presume) taken from grandparents association, whoever they are? Also, would they have been working on a Saturday anyway to be giving out such advice??)

God, my family thrive on drama! it's almost 11. I'm not sleeping I'm mumsnetting. But they don't know that!

Have you unblocked her? How has her text come through?
Ignore her! Leave your phone downstairs, go get some rest

Not her texting. It's my aunt... To be fair she's in another time zone but still

Ignore her. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

And tell your aunt to mind her own bloody business.

I know of and have read about all this non contact with grandparents. A word of caution though. All being well and having children already all the mums have the potential to become grandmothers. And as such have the potential to appear on here in unflattering terms in about 20 years or so.

It's hardly unflattering terms though is it?

It's emotional abuse

And I want to break that cycle - long before my child is old enough to procreate. Iv acknowledged upthread already I need help with healthy relationships.

ODFO Bouquets. The OP isn't going NC on a whim, her mother is emotionally abuse.

We're NC with MIL and I can hand on heart say that I'm glad we're shot of her. If I ever acted the way she has acted towards us then I'd have no one but myself to blame if my DC decided to go NC.

I'm sorry but the whole 'be more tolerant because one day it could be you' is bullshit and it enables emotional abusers to carry on the cycle.

Here's emotional abuse for you.

Because bloody stupid iPhones still allow those you have blocked to leave voicemails (it diverts the call, doesn't stop it)
Iv just listened to 3 minutes of her saying nothing and sobbing which no doubt will be passed off as oh it must have been in my pocket and rung by mistake if I tell my relatives of this

I feel sorry for her. I feel guilty. I feel trapped. And I feel very angry that she is trying to manipulate me.

Anyway Iv outed myself horrifically so will leave this thread to die off now

Thank you all who have given helpful advice

I have absolutely no idea who you are so as far as I am concerned you have not outed yourself or anyone else. I can not say what others know.
It can be the other way too. I know because I am watching it, and have been drawn in to it. We are expected to be there and pay up as and when it suits but to disappear when nothing is wanted. I was a tiny child not yet in school when it started. It is not flattering to be called emotionally abusive or making upteen calls. I am not responsible for how iphones work. I just don't like to see the damage that has been done to those I care about.
It definitely goes both ways and all ways. So many people involved/suffer

Bloody hell, Bouquets - I don't think this is thread for you to air this.

Are you the mother Bouquets?

I am only saying it is not all one sided

Outed myself to any family members

You sound scarily like my mother - completely unable to see the boundary exists. And defensive for things that were never attributed to you anyhow such as how iPhones work.

Iv gone NC. Iv blocked my phone. The sobbing down the phone tactic - that's nothing new. That's a regular occurrence.

Along with flying monkeys being involved

And basically harassing till I give in and "accept" her help

And of course she gets hurt. I'm not NCing to spite her. I'm NCing to protect me, and my son

I can't believe parents take their children to court to see their grandkids? It's a complete joke! MIL mentioned how grandparents don't have any rights if the grandkids are moved away or whatever, why not focus on not being a douche and actually being nice to your kids, then they will be happy for you to have a relationship with the grandkids?

And of fucking course it's not one sided. Having an EA mother does not teach you how to respond and relate healthily.

That you have to realise in life, and work at!

But it would be a lot bloody easier if there had been a healthy role model

You have to stay firm, and honestly, if that means distancing yourself from the rest of them, then maybe you have to consider that.

My mum is similar. The last crazy stunt was a month ago. No idea when the next one will be. The not knowing is the worst.

In fairness to my other relatives, they have remained impartial, but I have distanced myself anyway. I know that seeing them without her in the equation is only going to make things shit for them with her, and I don't feel right having them in that position.

Don't listen to the voicemails, don't even respond to the requests from other relatives. Get a line and trot that out every time she is mentioned. Any response, even to them, will be seen as encouragement from her.

It is so hard, but you can do it.

Encouragement TO her that should say.